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Valtrex alert: Jersey Shore Season 2 flaring up for July debut

Jersey Shore

Poor South Beach, suffering from that not so fresh feeling after the inexplicably popular MTV virus known as Jersey Shore polluted our beloved beach town. And just when you thought we got rid of it, that virus is about to infect the airwaves when it relapses debuts on Thursday, July 29 at 10 p.m. on that channel that used to play music videos. We're itching from the trailer already. In a way, it's sort of like watching the JonBenet Ramsey story on Lifetime that show Toddlers and Tiaras in which innocent children are tarted up and pimped out for publicity. You can' t help but cringe, and you can't help but watch, either. At your own risk, of course.

Weekend forecast: Sunny, bunnies, with a chance of guidos

Poor Easter Bunny. He's about to be upstaged (or poisoned) by the carrot-colored cast of Jersey Shore, which is en route to Miami and expected in town at some point this weekend. Perhaps the bunny will mistake Snooki, The Situation and co. for a snack and devour them before they have a chance to soil our shores. Wishful thinking, because we all know rabbits can't digest Power Bars, Red Bull, spray tan, Aqua Net, Axe Body Spray and Got2B Max-Control Styling Gel. And if the rabbit tried to consume these toxic ingredients, PETA would be down here faster than Kelly Bensimon can say "I’m not abusing animals. I’m just wearing fur." Anyway, we know what they did last summer and frankly, we're scared. We also think we know where they're staying and possibly "working" but we were told if we reveal that before they arrive, they may keep the cast from the gym and No Lines Tanning for a week and then sic 'em on us. Uh, no thank you. We'll just have to wait until they make their grand entrance to find out what places to avoid for the next month or so. In the meantime we never thought we'd say this, but the Kim Kardashian is suddenly looking like Grace Kelly in our eyes (with her sisters as the princess's lesser minions), though we wonder if they'll pull a cross-pollinating Happy Days visits Laverne & Shirley (Lenny, Squiggy and the Fonz were, after all, precursors to this whole Jersey mess) and bring the two reality shows together for one big, bad publicity stunted photo-op. And while they're at it, maybe the crew from "Miami Social Club" can stop by for a cameo. And then there's the Bad Girls Club. And then[Lost reference alert] a deceased Locke, possessed by forces of evil, will blow through here and smoke 'em all away and all that will remain will be flowing, breezy palm trees and a very hungry Hurley. The end.

Nicky Hilton: Furthermore...

Thanks to Danny for the following!

from today's Page Six :

Grumpy Nicky Cancels Show

On the heels of a dust-up with New York socialite Lydia Hearst, Hollywood heiress Nicky Hilton canceled her Miami Fashion Week show, citing a “personal emergency.” The letter, which went out yesterday, stated that Nicky “loves Miami” but was pulling the plug on her Nicholai show, which was set for tomorrow. Her cancellation comes days after witnesses told Page Six that Hilton and Hearst had a run-in in L.A. during an Alvin Valley fashion show. Spies at the event said Hilton was “fuming” when a fiery Hearst was pulled from the front row onto the runway to replace a model who had dropped out at the last minute. We’re told that Hearst was quickly prepped backstage by a Nioxin beauty team and dressed by the designer - but that when she walked the runway, she was greeted by Hilton, “glaring at her from the front row.” One observer noted, “When Lydia came out, everyone clapped but Nicky.” Elliot Mintz, a rep for Hilton, said, “There was no glaring whatsoever and Nicky has no issues with Lydia. The Miami cancellation was due to a scheduling conflict.”

Valtrex Not Included

A man on the island of St. Martin has bought nearly all of Paris Hilton's furniture from www.starstyle.com to fill his oceanfront pad in the gated community of Aquamarina. Says buyer Scott House, "She's just doing what every other beautiful, wild young female or male is doing at that age. She's got good taste. I like her style."

Doggone it, it's Hulk Hogan Again!

Miami's newest first family--a title they usurped from the Estefans, were spotted at the Dog Bar off Lincoln Road Saturday doing, we jest you not, dog  yoga. That's right. Hulk Hogan, wife Linda, daughter Brooke and son Nick were clearly impounded by their session of doggie yoga. Hulk and wife were even spotted putting their pooch in the double down dog position. Check it out:

Rallying for Food

IUntil she picked up her glass of St. Supery Sauvignon Blanc, we were ready to alert the media--er, you guys--that Anna Kournikova was preggo with Enrique's baby after pigging out at the very hot Social Miami restaurant at the Sagamore Hotel this past weekend. Yes, they serve tapas style food and it's meant to be shared, but Anna, her mom and girl friend ordered what was enough to feed a small third world nation. Hence the preggo thoughts. That is, until she picked up that wine glass. Neither here nor there, Anna loves her food. Unlike Michael Bolton.

Old news is good news.

Although it feels like a year ago since our nocturnal bastille was stormed by a slew of celebrities for New Year's Eve, some news takes a while to finally slip out. And if it was just a tawdry little tidbit on Lindsay Lohan's lack of manners or trouble breathing, we'd ignore it, but this one's just too good.

We were told that Leonardo DiCaprio and his posse---if you recall, he put his posse on the shelf for a while when he was dating Giselle Bundchen---skipped out on a whopping $20,000 bar tab at the Setai, not even leaving a )#*$)#( tip! Can you believe that? We can. Drinks at that place are exorbitant. But still. If that's true, we don't know who's dumber--the people who chugged and screwed, or the people who allowed that to happen.

The Simpson Life

Another infamous Simpson stepped out on the town last night---OJ Simpson. The Juice was spotted at The Forge holding court at a round table with ladies of the night. Er, that is, ladies who go out at night and think it's cool to be seen in public with OJ. We're dying to know if all the steak knives were returned to the kitchen.

Wilma, I'm home!

This is a big week of fabulous events and we sincerely hope that Wilma doesn't spoil the fun for the rest of us. Stay tuned for any info on cancellations or Hurricane Wilma parties at places like Ted's Hideaway, among others. Be safe and stay in touch.