The winner of our recent Pet Peeves contest chose as her prize the chance to author an entry in our blog. Kelly Downing, 27, is a self-described mildly fanatical Marlins fan who lives in South Dade, and works as music director and afternoon-drive DJ for 91.9 The Call. Here is her column, with photos she also provided:
By KELLY DOWNING
Obviously, it takes more than America's favorite pastime to spark the interest of South Floridians. Good baseball just isn't enough to woo the most fickle, passionless "fans" on the planet, so the Marlins have to work a little harder to get our ungrateful butts into the orange seats.
Enter Super Saturdays.
For the price of a mere baseball ticket, fans can enjoy a concert, a fireworks spectacular, and heck—while they're at it, the Marlins will even throw in a ballgame.
It's good. But it might not be good enough (we're dealing with Fish fans, after all). I've got a few ideas to kick the promotion up a notch:
(*) Fight Night! Guarantee a benches-clearing brawl in the top of the sixth. (None of this shoving nonsense, though. We want to see the D-Train take somebody down.)
(*) Have Gloria Gaynor croon on the field during the game. Attendees can enjoy the concert without suffering through nine innings first, and Gloria can help our guys field ground balls.
(*) Add 'foul poles' to the list of items the Mermaids dance on.
(*) Weigh Miguel Cabrera live during the seventh inning stretch.
(*) Dress Alfredo Amezaga in tights and a cape for his superhuman escapades in center field.
(*) Air footage of Scott Olsen's anger management therapy sessions on the Jumbotrons.
(*) Let the audience vote a player off the team at the end of the game.
(*) Whenever a Marlin strikes out or issues a free pass, make him down a bowl of cockroach innards, Fear Factor style.
(*) Bat a Mermaid in the leadoff spot.
(*) And if you’re really interested in seeing attendance skyrocket ... make the Marlins wear Mets unis.
[Thanks, Kelly. In the immortal words of Borat: "I like!" Check out her station by clicking here. The Marlins could use a few more mildly fanatical fans. And I'm always happy to provide a forum to reader/bloggers, especially those who manage to include the underutilized phrase, "cockroach innards"].