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56 posts from June 2006

June 30, 2006

Pat Riley/Leno Dance Remix


Unsportsmanlike: Fri 6-30

     Daily quick hits on topical oddities in pop culture, news and sometimes even sports...

     "Liberty City 7." That was the slogan on the T-shirts worn on page 1A of today's Herald by the anguished mothers of two of the accused domestic terrorists arrested near Miami last week. Let this complicated case play out, OK? Do not assume the men guilty, or assume the arrests bogus. You may assume one thing, though: Those sloganeering T-shirts shout 'grandstanding lawyer.' Somewhere up there, Johnnie Cochran is smiling.Alightbulb

     In other news, a doctor in Pakistan (left) inspects an odd X-ray. It seems a Pakistani prisoner -- true story -- awoke to find a glass lightbulb had been inserted into his anus. My question: How do you sleep through that?

     Japanese prime minister Junichiro Koizumi, in the U.S. to visit the White House, detoured to Graceland because he worships Elvis. Outside the mansion, six Elvis impersonators protested Japan's whaling policy by singing, "Don't Be Cruel." It was at that moment that Koizumi lamented privately that Elvis never recorded a hit song in favor of whaling.

     A Christian archaelogical team claims to have discovered the remains of Noah's Ark in a remote mountain range in Iran. Nobody believes, partly because of the Fiberglas hull.

     Kelly Clarkson, opening her new tour in West Palm tonight, is who she is because of American Idol, yet distances herself from that essentuial part of her past. There is a word for that. "Ingrate."

     One of a  continuing series we like to call "Crimes in Which the Abject Embarrassment Is Its Own Punishment": A former judge in Bristow, Okla., has been found guilty of indecent exposure after it was determined that, beneath that black robe, he used a "penis pump" during trial. 

     Evander Holyfield, 43 and four years past his most recent win, plans to fight again. We knew he was missing part of his ear. Now we are quite sure he's missing part of his brain, too.Apig

     People are up in arms over a "violent" new Toyota ad in which a cute little pink piggy bank is destroyed. Dear people: That little pink pig? IT ISN"T REAL.

June 29, 2006

Unsportsmanlike: Thu 6-29

     Daily quick hits on topical oddities in pop culture, news and sometimes even sports...Abritney_1 Abritney_2

     Pregnant Britney Spears, pictured at far left looking like any number of young housewives working luncheonette counters in Alabama, is looking considerably better (and darker of coif) on the cover of the August Harper's Bazaar. Gotta love celebrities, though, huh? Who else is simultaneously on an anti-paparazzi rant, fighting for her right to privacy, while appearing nekkid on a national magazine cover?

     Charles Gibson ended his 19-year run on Good Morning America. There weren't many tears on the farewell show. However, somewhere, Katie Couric was sobbing.Aboy_1 

     Defrocked pop star Boy George, for filing a false police report in New York, has been sentenced to five days working on a garbage truck in the city. He'll be like any other sanitation worker, except he'll look like this. 

     A man who used a shotgun to blow the head off his ailing cat was acquitted of animal cruelty by a Broward jury. Note to self: If ever on trial for anything, try to find that same jury.

     The WNBA's Phoenix Mercury won last night on a shot by Cappie Pondexter. Nobody cares, but it's a great name.Aairguitar

     They held the U.S. Air Guitar Championships in New York the other day, including the competitor pictured here. Too bad this trend doesn't carry over into sports. I've been practicing in front of a mirror and think I have a great shot at winning the U.S. Open in air golf.

June 28, 2006

The lackluster NBA Draft

     [Updated Thursday morning, 6-29. Sure enough, Toronto took the big Italian first, and, sure enough, UM's Guillermo Diaz barely was drafted at all, in the late second round. You should have stayed a Cane one more year, G]. 

     Partly it's that the Miami Heat don't have a draft pick. Partly it's that there is no consensus No. 1 choice. Partly it's that Torontoforgod'ssake has the top pick. I dunno. Can't get that excited about tonight's NBA Draft.Aandrea_1

     Will the Raptors pick 7-1 Italian Andrea Bargnani? A better question: When chosen, will Bargnani (left) fall as if tripped when approaching the stage and then look for a penalty kick in homage to Itlay's World Cup soccer team?

     The two big questions for me: 1) Who'll draft Adam Morrison despite his 1970s porn-star mustache? 2) Will UM's Guillermo Diaz go late-first-round as commonly expected or fall to the second round as I suspect?

     I won't be watching the draft, personally, because I'll be tapped into the Pedro Returns lovefest at Fenway . David Stern could be wearing a thong tonight for all I'd know.

Amazin' Marlins earn support

Adtrain_2      [Updated Wednesday morning, 6-28, after the Marlins made it eight straight wins at home, 8-4, over the Rays. The wild-card deficit is now down to 5 1/2, and only 4 in the loss column. Miguel Cabrera's home-run bat is heating up. Things are getting interesting...]

     New math. You don't subtract from what's happening. You add to it. If you're the Marlins, you don't trade away Dontrelle Willis or Miguel Cabrera or any other coveted player -- not now -- you go the other way and add a piece or two. The $15 million payroll is so embarrassingly low, it's the least ownership can do now that an expected awful team has surprised everybody and somehow climbed up to the outer edge of playoff contention.

     Forget the run at .500. Forget being one game out of second place in the NL East. The only number that matters is 6 1/2 -- games separating Florida from the lead in the wild-card race. Considering this team once was 11-31 and being compared to the historically awful '62 Mets, this is hardly an insurmountable deficit.

     The Marlins desperately need an upgrade in center field (reacquiring Juan Pierre is a rumor wafting around Chicago) and could use bullpen help or a veteran clubhouse presence. The point is, the team should be a buyer now as the trade deadline approaches, not a seller. Ownership needs to commit to this season.

     A 22-9 streak including seven straight wins at home entering tonight's game makes this a team worthy of immensely better fan support as well. No school. No Heat. No excuses. Have you heard? The Marlins have become one of the great stories in baseball this season. Time for South Florida to start acting like it.

Unsportsmanlike: Wed 6-28

     Daily quick hits on topical oddities in pop culture, news and sometimes even sports...Aflag

     A University of Chicago-based opinion poll on national pride in 34 countries has found residents of the United States the most patriotic. The people of Venezuela had the second-most national pride, despite Ozzie Guillen.

     This is weird. They just awarded the Olympic gold medal in diving to Italian soccer player Fabio Grosso.

     The Davie man accused of attacking Dolphin Jason Taylor in a road-rage incident a couple of months ago has pleaded not guilty. Given Taylor's size, strength and physical condition, what's surprising is that the plea wasn't insanity.

     The Herald has a feature story today about an 85-year-old man who is paid about $20 an hour as a nude model for art classes. I'm offering $25 for him to please put some pants on.

     Ending on a serious note: Best wishes, following his surgery for a brain aneurysm, for the full recovery of Boston Globe and ESPN baseball analyst Peter Gammons.

Marino, Cuban join forces

Amarino Acuban_1      The love of Pittsburgh can make for strange bedfellows. 'Burgh natives Dan Marino and Mark Cuban have aligned with a New York financier in efforts to buy the Pittsburgh Penguins.

     Cuban must be optimistic. He's already begun complaining about NHL officiating.

June 27, 2006

Unsportsmanlike: Tue 6-27

     Daily quick hits on topical oddities in pop culture, news and sometimes even sports...Asuperman

     Superman Returns is set to hit theaters, although some critics are wondering if moviegoers will buy Woody Allen in the role of superhero.

     The hottest team in the AL (Red Sox) hosts the best team in the NL (Mets) beginning tonight, in a reprise of their famous 1986 World Series. Somewhere, Bill Buckner is feeling queasy.

     Conservative talk-show host Rush Limbaugh was detained but not arrested at the Palm Beach airport when found in illegal possession of 29 Viagra pills, thus avoiding a potentially stiff penalty.

     John Rocker in the news again, proving himself still an idiot after all these years.

     I love soccer, relative to most Americans, but I must say soccer would be more appealing if the preponderance of 1-0 games didn't leave so many results (and by extension World Cup championships) to the whims of red-card-wielding, penalty-kick-awarding referees.

     Guns 'n Roses has-been Axl Rose was arrested in Sweden for biting the leg of a hotel security guard. I'm skeptical about Rose's defense, which is that he meant to bite the man's arm but slipped.

June 26, 2006

POLL: Rank the championships

     The Dolphins (two Super Bowl wins), UM football (five national titles), the Marlins (two World Series titles) and now the Heat (NBA crown) have together given South Florida's 10 major-sport national championships.

     We invite you here to select the biggest of the "first championships" by whatever criteria you judge most important: national stature, local interest, best team, overall significance, your call. We also invite your comments explaining your choice.

What has been South Florida's biggest first-championship in a major sport?
Dolphins' first Super Bowl win (1972 season)
Hurricanes' first football national title (1983 season)
Marlins' first World Series title (1997)
Heat's first NBA championship (2006)

Unsportsmanlike: Mon 6-26

     Daily quick hits on topical oddities in pop culture, news and sometimes even sports...

     Saw the headline, 'Brangelina Shower Photos Stolen,' and I'm thinking, "Yes, I would enjoying seeing those pictures of Angelina Jolie." Then I found out they were of her baby shower.Aburger_1

     The minor-league Gateway Grizzlies baseball team in Sauget, Ill. sells bacon-cheeseburgers served between halves of a Krispy Kreme donut, totaling 1,000 calories and 45 grams of fat. It costs $4.50, and comes with a side of cardiologist.

     First Bill Gates gives the filty-rich a good name with his philanthropy. Now Warren Buffett has announced he'll give away 80 percent of his $40 billion fortune to good works. (Aside to Warren: How'd you like a new baseball stadium named after you in South Florida?)

     A man in providence, Rhode Island is suing because (see the story here) a penile implant he received in pre-Viagra 1996 has given him a 10-year erection. I cannot think of a single punchline that wouldn't get me in trouble.

     NCAA basketball coaches are pushing to nearly double the men's NCAA Tournament field from 65 to 128. Welcome to March, April and May Madness.

     Sad news. Kevin Richardson is leaving the Backstreet Boys. The announcement shocked analysts who were unaware the Backstreet Boys still existed.