Word is out around the league, apparently, that the Heat is a team of softies. At least, that's what Dwyane Wade indicated on Wednesday night when he said, "For some reason, people think we're soft."
So, I was wondering, who's "soft," exactly, and who's not? I know, let's BREAK IT DOWN!
Now, before we begin, let's throw out the disclaimer for those among us born without senses of humor: I realize this is a ridiculously ludicrous premise, of course, because these are modern-day gladiators we're talking about here and they all, every single one, have risen to the very top of their profession through hard work and sacrifice despite countless obstacles, both physical and emotional. So, everyone is actually very "hard" and to think otherwise is just plain silly.
Now, with that said, who's soft, exactly?
CHRIS BOSH
Well, let's start with Chris Bosh. Everyone thinks this guy is soft as Charmin and that would seem to be the case whenever he goes up against ... say .... Kevin Garnett. But let's not completely discount Bosh because the guy was absolutely stony in the clutch on Wednesday against OKC. He might have underperformed on the whole against the Thunder but with a minute left he knocked down perhaps the Heat's biggest bucket of the game. There's some element of "hardness" there when you can rise up on a bad night in front of a 20,000 people and swish a jumper against the best team in the Western Conference.
LEBRON JAMES
OK, here's a guy who's built like Muhammad Ali but fights like Floyd Mayweather Jr. What does that mean, exactly? Well, one could interpret it as gibberish, of course, because both Ali and Mayweather have won world championships and James hasn't won a thing. Then again, it could also mean that if James were a prize fighter, he'd be a heavyweight without a knockout punch, only an amazing set of skills that are really good at teasing people but a talent that will never fight Manny Pacquiao.
But does that make James soft? The whole idea of this blog post was inspired by an email I received from a friend who posed the question, "Has LeBron James ever delivered a hard foul in his career?" Yes, I can recall James hammering his fair share of opponents with hard fouls. The thing is, James is a pretty artful guy on the basketball court, so he knows how to foul gracefully, if that makes any sense. At least, that's my interpretation.
In a physical sense, James is pretty much as hard as they come. I mean, the guy can get punched and kicked and slammed to the floor and land painfully and awkwardly many times in a single quarter and still get up and do amazing things like this whenever he wants.
But in an emotional sense, James seems pretty delicate. After all, we can't write and talk about the Heat with any genuine and honest journalistic integrity without pointing out the fact that James caved under pressure in the NBA Finals.
DWYANE WADE
OK, Wade is tough. There's no denying that. The guy has proven himself over his career and has won a championship. But we're not asking if Wade is tough. Is he "hard" or "soft?" Have shoe deals, and famous girlfriends, and lots of money and free cars on his birthday and all that stuff turned the hardnosed kid from Chicago into a plush and soft throw pillow tucked into the corner of some velvety couch inside a high-end South Beach nightclub? I mean, Wade DID miss Tuesday's game against the Sixers because his knee was sore.
You know it's an erroneous injury when Wade's coach comes out with a one-liner like this: "Bruises are sometimes tricky." No, bruises are not tricky. Cancer treatment is tricky. Bruises are bruises. Why not just come out and say, "Wade is pretty tired, so he needed the day off. We're playing the Sixers today, and we own their souls, so Wade is going to be watching from the sidelines but he won't be on the bench. We're bringing in a love seat with many throw pillows upholstered with velvet."
Now, that would've been "HARD!"
So, there's the whole injury-prone thing, which doesn't exactly make Wade soft but, you know, he's not exactly Lou Gehrig.
And what about Wade's penchant to complain incessantly to the refs? Again, it's not exactly evidence of being "soft," but it's certainly annoying to watch, especially when Wade is complaining about some non-call when he should be getting back on defense. So, there's that.
MARIO CHALMERS
I know everyone is going to call me crazy, but Chalmers might be the "hardest" player on the team. Hear me out:
1. Chalmers, not the most athletic of guards in the league, never backs away from a difficult assignment. Sure, he gets lost sometimes -- like when he plays Rondo -- but he also comes up with important steals regularly and isn't afraid to get in anyone's face if he feels disrespected.
2. Chalmers unabashedly rocks Spalding basketball shoes. Now, that's hardcore.
3. Chalmers is the whipping boy of Wade and James but it never seems to affect his game.
4. He's from Alaska. They fight wolverines up there.
5. Chalmers certainly has no fear of the big stage and of taking the clutch shot.
JOEL ANTHONY
Now, here's a guy who's so "hard" he makes millions of dollars playing basketball despite sometimes air-balling dunks. Seriously, it's the soft-spoken guys you have to worry about when you get into a fight. I mean, if you had to place a wager on Anthony in a fight against anyone in the league, would you actually bet against the guy? Heck no!
UDONIS HASLEM
Next.
NORRIS COLE
Sure, he's going through a rough patch right now but that has nothing to do with his "hardness." This truncated season has been tough on everyone but especially the rookies. Cole has hit the proverbial rookie wall, but there's no such thing as a "soft" 5-10 guard in the NBA.
MIKE MILLER
The guy runs a fight club and is from South Dakota. Anti-soft.
JUWAN HOWARD
80-year-old men playing in the NBA are not soft.
TERREL HARRIS
Cut from a team in Germany. Cut from a team in France. Picked up by the Heat because he's just so damn "hard."
JAMES JONES
If you've ever seen this guy's feet, you know he's "hard."
EDDY CURRY
Soft.
DEXTER PITTMAN
Hard-headed maybe.
RONNY TURIAF
Needs to be more of an enforcer. I mean, head butt somebody for crying out loud!
So, to summarize, the Heat's Big 3 isn't exactly soft but each player has soft tendencies. As for the other guys, does it really matter?
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