Dave Barry's Blog

LOOKING FOR A FUN WAY TO APPEAR TO BE WORKING WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY NOT?

Try launching asteroids at Earth!

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH THE WEEK

Time to get productive.

Advisory: Autoplay soundtrack.

(Thanks to Gwen Harrell)

TIME TO GET PRODUCTIVE, PEOPLE

Find the invisible cow.

(Thanks to Will Dwayer, who says, "Minutes of fun!")

WHATEVER YOU DO

Don't click here.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCEMENT TIME

It's time to play Rocket Toilet 2!

(Thanks to CoastRaven)

THE ECONOMY'S IN THE TOILET

Time to get productive.

(Thanks to jon harris)

IT'S FRIDAY

Time to get productive.

(Thanks to Another Dave)

WANT TO FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT AND WASTE TIME?

Here you go.

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

THE ECONOMY'S IN THE TOILET

So it's time to get productive.

(Thanks to MaryQOS)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

You've been productive enough for this week.

(Thanks to WriterDude)

WINTER WEEKEND PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Attack of the Zombie Snowpersons

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

OK, THAT'S ENOUGH PRODUCTIVITY FOR TODAY

(Thanks to Linda Wine)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

Time to play: Translation Party!

I tried some song lyrics, and found that it makes quick work of the Beatles, but is stumped by Chuck Berry.

If we could somehow combine this with the Photoshop squirrel, we could bring the economy to a complete halt.

(Thanks to John Grant)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

(oʞuıɹʇǝɯ ɹǝʇǝd oʇ sʞuɐɥʇ)

˙slıɐɯǝ uʍop-ǝpısdn puǝs llǝʍ sɐ ʇɥƃıɯ

IT'S MONDAY

Let's be productive out there.

(Thanks to Matt Filar, who caused this blog to spend a good 45 minutes trying to encircle the damn cat)

ATTENTION, TETRIS FANS WITH A LOT OF SPARE TIME

Here you go.

(Thanks to insomniac, who notes that "the controls seem to be the same, arrow keys move the piece left or right or rotate it.")

CHRISTMASTIME PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

We have faith that you can create an even more hideous festive holiday sweater than our pitiful attempt:

WHILE YOU'RE WAITING FOR YOUR FEDERAL BAILOUT

Might as well be productive.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

HALLOWEEN-THEMED PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY SO FAR

Try to stomp the Flaming Bag of Poo!

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THE ECONOMY IS IN TROUBLE, AND THAT MEANS...

...you need to be productive.

(Thanks to Bulldog)

THIS IS UNSETTLINGLY ACCURATE

... for Miami.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

IT'S FRIDAY

Time to get some work done.

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

WHY WE (HEART) THE INTERNET

You can waste huge amounts of time in a productive manner.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT NOBODY SHOULD GET HURT

Go here.

Dave "Twenty Eyes" Barry

(Thanks to Jazzzz)

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN BE EVEN LESS PRODUCTIVE THAN NORMAL THIS HOLIDAY WEEK

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

It turns out you can make your own productivity-enhancement applications, according to the folks at this site, who claim they made this game in under 60 seconds (a claim this blog totally believes). "Dave Barry Escape" is a very realistic simulation of what happens when this blog is flying around over South Beach pursued by entities. This happens almost every night.

IT'S MONDAY, AFTER A LONG WEEKEND

Time to get productive.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

19,497

(Thanks to Schadeboy)

THANKSGIVING IS COMING

Can we enhance our productivity and do something good at the same time, this week?

WHAT WE HATE ABOUT BLOGGING

What we hate is when people send us impossible productivity enhancers with comments such as "My personal best is 111.197 m" when we very rapidly determine that our personal best (after a frustratingly large number of tries because he seemed so enthusiastic about it) is 6.32 m.

(Gee thanks to Vol)

FOR PEOPLE WHO FOUND SPACE INVADERS TOO INTELLECTUAL...

...we give you Poo Dodger.

(Thanks to W. Scott Smith)

TOPICAL PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY SO FAR

This didn't take long.

(Thanks to Doug)

IF YOU HAVE FAILED TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING MEANINGFUL SO FAR TODAY

Here is your chance to make sure you keep it that way.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

IT'S STUPID, BUT IT'S A START

(Thanks to marfie)

WORK

Who needs it?

(Thanks to Barbara Hayes)

H _ _ _ O _ E E _ I S _ O M I _ _

(Thanks, a long time ago, to TCK)

HEADLINE OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Not to mention a great name for a rock band.)

(Thanks to Jeff Carrie's friend Jean and Janice Gelb, who sent in this version)

RE-UPDATE 1 (Earworm of the Century)

RE-UPDATE 2 (Productivity Enhancer of the Millenium)

IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY PRODUCTIVE ON COLUMBUS DAY

Remember the helicopter game? Which you got so good at? OK, Mr. or Ms. Eye-Hand Coordination: Try your eyes and hand at this.

(Thanks to J.D. Harper)

SPEAKING OF HAMSTERS

Here's a productivity enhamster. This blog cannot figure out how to line the hamster up with the pillow, so our hamsters keep splatting to the ground. This is fine with us.

(Thanks to Ian Woollard)

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCEMENT ACTIVITY OF THE DAY

Lileks

(Russell Mc sent in a ham from the "Son of Cooking with Seven-Up" section, and the s.b. went on to sob her way through the "Patty Cake" book. Find your own way; the man's a genius.)

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY

You've done enough for one week.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

RUGBY HANDBAG UPDATE

You can play too!

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

SOMETIMES PEOPLE SEND IN THINGS THAT ARE NOT, TECHNICALLY, "FUNNY" BUT WE STILL ENJOY THEM, IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN, SO, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BLOG IS ELSEWHERE, WE SOMETIMES POST THEM ANYWAY AND HOPE HE WILL NOT FIRE US

At least this one has clothes on.

(Thanks to Jessica)

WORKERS OF THE WORLD...

Produce.

(Thanks to John Rowland)

PRETEND-THIS-HAS-SOMETHING-TO-DO-WITH-"24" PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER

Don't let stick-figure Jack die!

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

BORED AT WORK?

Get productive with The Blog.

UPDATE: For those who couldn't attend, but would still like to waste some time enhance their productivity.

PRODUCTIVITY ENHANCER OF THE DAY

While The Blog's away.

(Thanks to Schadeboy)

NOTE: Please post LINKS ONLY in the comments section if you make your own.

FOR THOSE WHO LONG TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

Don't Shoot the Puppy

(Thanks to Catherine Conner and wolfie)

WE SINCERELY APOLOGIZE

But it's really azred's fault.

GET PRODUCTIVE

Let's touch some balls.

(Thanks to blog king Ken Layne)