Dave Barry's Blog

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Hopkins students create edible burrito tape as part of design competition

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT MEANS 'CONTINUE GOING IN THE DIRECTION YOU'RE GOING'

Japan’s most meaningless road sign discovered, has Internet feeling lost

(Thanks to Ralph)

This item reminded this blog of an item we posted from the 2004 Athens Olympics.

NO FLORIDIAN SHOULD BE SURPRISED TO FIND AN ALLIGATOR ANYWHERE

Florida man shocked to find 8-foot alligator on front porch

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

We all rave on a yellow submarine! New battery-powered sub has room for 120 revellers to party for 24 hours under the waves

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Sounds like a lot of fun until the first reveler throws up and there are still 21 hours to go.

IT DEFINITELY WORKED FOR THIS BLOG

EATING chocolate cuts the danger of dying young by 12 per cent, a study says.

WHERE THE HELL IS THE UNITED NATIONS?

Willies have been hit hard in an unprecedented shortage of inflatables as the stag and hen party season is ready to get into full swing, leaving some disappointed brides-to-be

(Thanks to Ralph)

'INSTEAD OF GETTING A TICKET, HE WAS ALLOWED TO PET A HORSE'

Video shows police horses pull over Florida man in Orlando neighborhood

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE TO FLORIDA

Saudi man charged after Maserati driven down Rome's Spanish Steps

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

Government warns women to stop playing with endangered ‘penis plants’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DINNER IS SERVED!

'Zombie' headless frog leaps from hot chilling oil in front of terrified diners

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "We saw Zombie Headless Frogs open for the RBRs.")

DOES THIS MEAN THEY HAVE DECK PYTHONS ON THEIR CARPET?

Four carpet pythons take over family's deck in Australia

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

REALLY?

Hair loss is much more prevalent among men than women so using it to describe someone is a form of discrimination, a judge has concluded. Commenting on a man’s baldness in the workplace is equivalent to remarking on the size of a woman’s breasts, the finding suggests.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING CLASS, YOU'RE TALKING VEGAS

A strip club outside of Las Vegas is supporting Ukrainians in their struggle against the Russian invasion by hiring strippers from the war-torn country.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EXCEPT IN WASHINGTON, WHERE IT'S *EVERY* DAY

Today is National Blame Someone Else Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Nate Diaz urinates outside UFC headquarters amid contract dispute

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SEA LIONS ARE BASICALLY MARINE SQUIRRELS

Sea Lion Comes On Land, Swims In Pool And Steals Man's Chair

(Thanks to Ralph)

AN OUTRAGE

Man Fails to Get Intoxicated After Consuming Liquor, Lodges Complaint With Home Minister, Excise Dept

(Thanks to Ralph)

MAKES AS MUCH SENSE TO US AS 'NFTs'

Is a portfolio that invests in stocks when South Park mentions them a viable investment strategy?

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

YAYYYYYY

THERE'S GONNA BE ANOTHER SPINAL TAP.

WHEREVER HE WANTS

World’s tallest dog is 7 feet on hind legs. He likes to sit on laps.

(Thanks to GJ)

ATTENTION BLOGFOLK OF NEW ENGLAND

We are excited to announce that Ridley Pearson, this blog's pal, co-author and bandmate, has co-written a musical, The Academy. The premiere is next week at Pomfret School -- Ridley's an alum -- and it's free and open to the public. The school is in Pomfret Center, Conn.

AND IN SPORTS

A rodent made its way through the outfield of Nationals Park in Washington, D.C., during a game between the New York Mets and the Washington Nationals Tuesday night.

No need to send it to Washington.

(Thanks to GJ)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Angered that a neighbor’s chicken had been “pooping on the back patio,” a Florida Woman allegedly retrieved “a bucket of pee from her bathroom” and proceeded to douse the bird’s owner with the foul liquid, according to an arrest report.

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Man Turns Into Cow After Sleeping With Someone’s Wife

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE CONVINCED

Spooky Discovery on Mars Looks Just Like an Alien Doorway

(Thanks to Fabian Marson, who says "The reality is it leads to an office where Martians obtain their Florida drivers licenses.")

OOPS

The roses sold at our Mother’s Day plant sale were not the single faux flowers originally intended. Instead, the item was a Valentine’s Day gift intended for adults.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

NALA HAS AN ADVENTURE

Tenn. couple wakes up to find strange dog sleeping with them in their bed

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BOOZING BAMBIS

Wildlife groups warn of 'drunk' deer in France

(Thanks to MOTW)

SEND THIS PASSENGER TO WASHINGTON

Passenger with ‘no idea how to fly’ lands plane after pilot emergency

(Thanks to Steve K)

THERE IS TRYING TOO HARD...

...and then there is trying WAY too hard.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A PERFECT WEDDING

Bride marries sister's groom after mix-up due to power failure

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY JUST FOLLOW THE GPS

Migrating turtles don’t really know where they’re going, study shows

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE WERE SO HOPING TO EXPERIENCE IT

Swing Toilet Removed from Chongqing Creative District

(Thanks to Ralph)

NO DOUBT

A Mission to Uranus and Neptune Is Our Best Hope to Find Dark Matter

(Thanks to Annette and The Fourth George)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man accused of firing crossbow into a White Castle

(Thanks to Gregory Snow)

AND IN SPORTS

Marcelo dropped from Lyon first team for "farting and laughing" in dressing room

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

COPACABANA?

NASA pinpoints terrifying ‘sounds’ echoing from distant black hole

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Thousands of fake toonies have been seized in Canada.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Liberal MP apologizes after he was caught bringing the House of Commons to the bathroom via Zoom

(Thanks to B&C)

Vancouver's infamous 'Penis Satan' statue can now be erected anywhere through augmented reality

(Thanks to Ralph)

A NATIONAL DAY OF CELEBRATION

Lucy the two-nosed cow is celebrating her 15th birthday

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SO HE'S ALREADY AWARE OF HIS RIGHTS

Travis County judge who oversees DWI cases accused of DWI

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

MOTHER'S DAY

It has been brought to our attention that we didn't post anything yesterday about Mother's Day. We apologize. We were busy attending our daughter's graduation from college. We hope you blog moms had a fine day.

BOLO

Aichi police on lookout for scoundrel who stole public toilet’s flushing handle

(Thanks to Ralph)

INFLATION UPDATE

Apples are going for $15 each.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

TURN THE MOURNING UP TO 11

Ric Parnell, a real drummer who played the drummer in This Is Spinal Tap, maybe this blog's favorite movie ever, has died.

(Thanks to Steve K)

AND IN SPORTS

Duck Runs A Marathon In New York And Gets An Award

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

3:37 p.m. A concerned citizen reported a six-inch long rusty combat knife in a storm drain that he suspected was intentionally dropped there and a “potential murder weapon.” Law enforcement advised he could rest easy as they were not looking for an outstanding blade used in a recent homicide.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WILD TIMES IN CANADA

Someone is hiding cash all over an N.B. city and residents are loving it

(Thanks to The Perts)

STEP ONE: DO NOT GO TO FLORIDA

How to survive an alligator attack -- or better yet, avoid one entirely

(Thanks to Steve K.)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO... HEY!

California man charged for opening door, walking on wing as jet taxis

(Thanks to man tom)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)