December 12, 2019

NICE JOB, PEST CONTROLLERS

Pest controllers in New York accidentally create new breed of 'super rat'

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Le Petomane and Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2019 at 12:31 PM
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THEY RESPECT NOTHING

Squirrel steals package from front porch of Los Angeles home

(Thanks to many people)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2019 at 12:28 PM
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IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU HAVE OUR GRATITUDE

The employee of a Las Cruces Subway sandwich shop said she allegedly robbed the place to teach other employees a lesson, according to police.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2019 at 12:27 PM
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BECAUSE WHO WANTS COLD BEAR SPRAY?

Firefighters responding to a reported explosion at a Montana home said it turned out a can of bear spray had been left inside a warming oven.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 12, 2019 at 12:23 PM
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December 11, 2019

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:22 p.m. A man was just sitting in his vehicle not doing anything.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:19 PM
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BUT THEY ALL HAVE DRIVERS' LICENSES, SO THEY COULD WIND UP IN TRAFFIC

A shark-tracking app showed 6 great whites off Florida's coast.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:17 PM
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SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE A STAND

At 12:45 a.m. Monday, deputies encountered a parked SUV and two men who admitted getting into a fistfight over the TV show “How I Met Your Mother,” according to the criminal complaint.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:14 PM
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THERE SHE IS, DUDE

Canada's Miss Universe Contestant Dons Marijuana Outfit

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:12 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT...

Best man on drunken rampage punches bride and drags her downstairs at brother's wedding

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:09 PM
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GUESS THE STATE

Highly realistic flasher costume could cost school administrator her lucrative job

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Dead ducks set Juneau family’s house on fire

(Thanks to B'game)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 12:02 PM
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'HE SEEMED VERY CONFIDENT'

A woman has been left with a rather unfortunate hairstyle after allowing her boyfriend to help trim her fringe

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:56 AM
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EW

Just, ew.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:50 AM
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LOOK OUT, BOISE

Rupert to drop giant sugar beet to ring in new year

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION

Guy Builds A VHS ‘Store’ In His Basement

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:48 AM
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HO HO HO

Die Hard On Ice

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Students evacuated from Manatee County school bus after someone sprayed too much Axe body spray

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, Al Barkafski, pharmaross and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:33 AM
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WHATEVER NOISE THE TACO BELL DRIVE-THRU SPEAKER MAKES, JUST ANSWER 'YES'

A Taco Bell employee in Texas was arrested on Sunday after police say he swung an 18-inch machete at a drive-thru customer’s truck, reportedly after the customer had trouble hearing him through the speaker.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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WE HAVE NO IDEA, BUT WE WON'T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME

What Is Figgy Pudding Anyway?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

Posted by Dave on December 11, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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December 10, 2019

MICHIGAN CRIME WAVE

Michigan man sprayed brother’s hunting area with deer repellent, DNR says

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 09:03 AM
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THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Joe Rwamirama, 48, from Kampala, Uganda, is said to be making huge cash from his unique and deadly farts that kill mosquitoes instantly, according to talkofnaija.cpm.

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:58 AM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Tesla Model 3 on Autopilot crashes into police car

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:55 AM
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WHY THE HELL NOT?

Prescott Valley man registers beehive as service animal

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:53 AM
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A DIME A DOZEN

Arriving late for the wedding proved costly for a groom in Uttar Pradesh’s Bijnor as the bride cancelled the match and got married to another man from her neighbourhood instead.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:51 AM
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AND IN SPORTS

Extreme slapping.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:49 AM
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CAPITALISM, DUDE

A British Columbia entrepreneur's budding business has him cleaning out dirty bongs and pipes for cannabis smokers.

(Thanks to Barbara A.)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:47 AM
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OF COURSE

The most terrifying colony of spiders was found in Australia

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:45 AM
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SCIENCE, PEOPLE

Alcohol tolerance might have saved our ancestors from EXTINCTION, scientists claim

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:42 AM
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THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Now the first ever study of this kind in reptiles has found that even the bearded dragon falls for an optical illusion that we humans succumb to.

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:39 AM
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BECAUSE IN FLORIDA WE DO NOT TOLERATE LAWBREAKERS

A Florida man was recently sent a parking ticket seven years after committing the violation.

(Thanks to B’game)

Posted by Dave on December 10, 2019 at 08:38 AM
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December 09, 2019

APPARENTLY IT WORKED

Humans learned to smile ‘to get sex’ in prehistoric times, study claims

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:36 AM
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THESE KIDS TODAY

African School Burned Down After Students Receive Bad Grades

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:34 AM
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JUST RICE FOR US, THANKS

“The meat is delicious but it is said that eating it results in oil leaking from the anus.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:30 AM
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TACKLING THE REAL ISSUES

Trump claims Americans have to flush the toilet '10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once'

He's a little late to this issue.

(Thanks to many people)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:25 AM
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FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Florida man charged for sexually assaulting stuffed Olaf from ‘Frozen’ toy

(Thanks to 14 million people)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (3)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

4 arrested in SantaCon bar crawl in Hoboken

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

‘Santa Claus’ arrested at P&G toilet paper protest

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Walmart apologizes for sweater featuring Santa with cocaine

(Thanks to pharmaross, Kevin Meerschaert, Doug Ogg, Barry Nester and Michael Parry, who says "If Rudolph can have a red nose, why can’t Santa?")

Woman Attacked Boyfriend With Artificial Christmas Tree, Cops Charge

(Thanks to Fabian Marson and pharmaross)

Brewery Gets Fined After Featuring Reindeer Doing The Nasty On Its Beer Cans

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:04 AM
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NOTHING SAYS 'CHRISTMAS' LIKE... WHATEVER THIS IS

Giant, inflatable Ralphie goes on display outside ‘A Christmas Story’ house

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 10:03 AM
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ART BASEL REPORT

This blog traveled to Miami Beach yesterday to see the Art. We found a sign that should be posted at the Miami border.

American Sector

We also visited the wall where the famous $120,000 banana was taped up by an artist before it was eaten by another artist. Tragically there was no Art there any more, unless the wall itself is now Art, which we would not rule out.

Banana Wall

Nearby on the beach motorists were digging out from under one of the sandstorms that periodically paralyze traffic here.

Sandstorm

Posted by Dave on December 9, 2019 at 09:19 AM
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December 08, 2019

JACKSONVILLE SOCIAL NOTE

Polyamorous Florida woman with 4 boyfriends is pregnant

(Thanks to B'game and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 8, 2019 at 10:18 AM
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'PEOPLE USUALLY LAUGH AT IT'

American Airlines is embroiled in controversy after a woman reported she was asked to change out of her “Hail Satan” T-shirt or get kicked off a plane.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on December 8, 2019 at 10:14 AM
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ART UPDATE

Someone ate the $120,000 banana at Art Basel. Some quick thinking saved the day

Key Quote: “He did not destroy the art work. The banana is the idea.”

(Thanks to Ralph, pharmaross, Rick Day and Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on December 8, 2019 at 10:12 AM
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December 07, 2019

THESE DARNED MILLENNIALS

Family Shocked To Find Giant Bear Has Moved In Under Their House

(Thanks to Steve K.)

Posted by Dave on December 7, 2019 at 01:14 PM
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YOU MAY APPROACH THE BENCH

Kinky Kentucky judge, 38, is accused of turning her chambers into a glorified frat house where she 'pressured attorneys into group sex and had a threesome with her secretary and former church pastor'

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on December 7, 2019 at 12:54 PM
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SHE CLAIMS SHE DIDN'T DO IT

Dog trashes home so badly, her family thinks it’s burglarized

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and John Lobert, who says "We know who put her up to it.")

Posted by Dave on December 7, 2019 at 12:44 PM
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MAYBE IT WAS AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SCORPION

A passenger on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Atlanta had a nasty surprise: A scorpion sting.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on December 7, 2019 at 12:42 PM
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December 06, 2019

WHICH MEANS IT QUALIFIES FOR A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

SCIENTISTS have trained a piece of plastic to move and stick to an object of a given colour.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2019 at 11:10 AM
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THE OTHER 65 WE WAKE UP DEPRESSED

Average Adult Wakes Up Grumpy 300 Days A Year

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2019 at 10:10 AM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

South Korean Papa John’s debuts ‘American’ pizza with hot dogs on every slice

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2019 at 10:09 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Flying car comes to Miami

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2019 at 10:05 AM
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HER ONLY OPTION, REALLY

Mother Upset With Son’s Haircut Slams Car Into Antioch Barber Shop

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

Posted by Dave on December 6, 2019 at 09:55 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

 
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