November 28, 2022

THIS IS THE 376,438TH TIME WE HAVE READ SOME VERSION OF THIS STORY

...and we're still not biting.

(Thanks to Ashe Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on November 28, 2022 at 10:34 AM
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NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Oxford scientists crack case of why ketchup splatters from near-empty bottle

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 28, 2022 at 10:30 AM
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AND IN THE ARTS

A contemporary pop artist known for transforming The Simpsons in his art says he could take action against Cardi B for recreating his work in a Halloween Instagram post. Italian artist aleXsandro Palombo claims Cardi B was never authorized to use his art for her Oct. 31 post, in which the rapper portrayed Marge Simpson in a dress cut out on the backside to expose her butt cleavage.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on November 28, 2022 at 10:26 AM
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NOTHING SAYS "'TIS THE SEASON"

...like Caesar salad candy canes.

"With a dash of anchovy."

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on November 28, 2022 at 10:10 AM
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November 27, 2022

WHY ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO HAVE SPEARS

City employee in  Japan kills wild boar with spear on elementary school grounds

Vaguely related: Japanese zoo practices lion escape protocol in hilarious drill

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 27, 2022 at 09:04 AM
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YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT NOT TO PARTY

A French court has ruled that companies can't fire their workers for failing to be sufficiently "fun."

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on November 27, 2022 at 09:02 AM
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THEY ALSO HATE SQUIRRELS

Octopus Brains Evolved to Share a Surprising Trait in With Our Brains

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on November 27, 2022 at 08:53 AM
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THE WORD IS 'HERO'

The 30-year-old supermodel gave researchers a sample of her blood before and after reaching climax so they could study its effects on her body chemistry – and the results will be screened on TV this week. 

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on November 27, 2022 at 08:50 AM
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November 26, 2022

AND IN WEST VIRGINIA SPORTS

The Commode Bowl

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:38 AM
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LOOKING FOR A SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT?

Sculpture of naked Putin on golden toilet up for auction

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:36 AM
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THE INTERNET: AN EASILY AMUSED PLACE

"Fast And Furious": Video Of Snake Slithering Away With Slipper Leaves Internet In Splits

(It’s actually a flip-flop.) (Why a snake needs a flip-flop, we’ll never know.)

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:32 AM
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SQUIRRELS ARE BASICALLY LARGE FURRY PARASITES

A Mind-Controlling Parasite Is Making Yellowstone Wolves Foolhardy

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:21 AM
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AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

World Cup fan known as 'T*ts Man' forced to remove inflatable boobs by Qatar cops

We’ve known many guys who were T*ts Men.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:16 AM
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WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT ON THE ROAD, BUT PROBABLY YES IN THE CAR

Will Self-Driving Cars Lead to More Sex on the Road?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:13 AM
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STILL SITTING INSIDE THE ORIGINAL VENDING MACHINE

World’s ‘oldest meal’ discovered in 550-million-year-old fossil

(Thanks to Steve K, who says “And another Hostess Twinkie was nearby, still in perfect condition.”)

Posted by Dave on November 26, 2022 at 09:07 AM
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November 25, 2022

USA! USA !



image from https://blogs.herald.com/.a/6a00d83451587d69e202af1c90e08b200d-pi

Posted by MiamiHerald on November 25, 2022 at 01:33 PM
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THEY WERE BOTH RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Rarely seen snake species shows up in middle of Florida road — eating another animal

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:45 AM
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CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Watch RCMP chase down escaped ostriches running amok in Taber

(Thanks to B&C and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:43 AM
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DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello herald.com,

How are you doing today?

I'm sure you have been contacted regarding this before but

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:41 AM
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WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE COLOMBIAN CONSTITUTION, IF THERE IS ONE

A Colombian judge notorious for sharing racy photos of herself on social media was handed a three-month suspension this week for appearing half-naked and smoking in bed during a virtual court hearing.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w, pharmaross, Michael Parry and Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:37 AM
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SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE SOMETHING THIEVES WOULD DO

Venezuela man, 79, turns up in emergency department with a beer bottle stuck up his butt — and tells doctors 'thieves put it there'

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:30 AM
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THIS IS THE ONE, PEOPLE

New Loch Ness Monster sighting 'proves' mythical creature is real

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:28 AM
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WE ALL KNOW WHO ‘KEVIN’ IS WORKING FOR

‘He kind of amps them up’: ‘Kevin’ the ringleader as turkeys terrorize Massachusetts town

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Rodney Bertelsen)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:26 AM
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MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

4:08 p.m. A septuagenarian at the hospital was hitting on orderlies.  

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:24 AM
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DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Texas woman sets boyfriend's house ablaze after another woman answers his phone: Police

Oops: The other woman “later turned out to be his relative.”

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

Posted by Dave on November 25, 2022 at 10:22 AM
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November 24, 2022

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Ugly invisibility sweater invented that tricks AI so you can’t be spotted on security cameras

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

Posted by Dave on November 24, 2022 at 09:21 AM
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WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOWL

Fisherman catches 67-pound goldfish

(Thanks to many people)

Posted by Dave on November 24, 2022 at 08:47 AM
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FLORIDA CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy against making fun of people’s names prohibits us from bringing you the Florida Crime Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 24, 2022 at 08:41 AM
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BLOG PEOPLE

We’re thankful for you. Don’t ever change. Or stop taking your medications.

Posted by Dave on November 24, 2022 at 08:36 AM
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November 23, 2022

THE MEALS HAD PULSES?

Neanderthals cooked meals with pulses 70,000 years ago

(Thanks to EricY) 

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 04:25 PM
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LOCK UP THE CHEESE, DUDE

Indian police say rats ate 600kg of cannabis from station storeroom

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 04:24 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

HALLELUJAH

Louisiana priest admits to making threesome sex tape on church altar

(Thanks to pharmaross and Jeff Meyerson, who says "Can I get an 'Amen?'")

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 12:14 PM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Gainesville man arrested for stealing from a Walmart he claims he owns

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 11:28 AM
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THE CARP ARE ALSO NAKED

Models strip naked and pose with giant fish for 2023 'erotic carp calendar'

Advisory: Naked carp

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 11:21 AM
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'NEW?' THIS BLOG DID THIS IN COLLEGE *DECADES* AGO

Crawling On Ground: The New Trend Among Chinese College Students

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 11:19 AM
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MAYBE IT DIDN'T *WANT* TO BE 'RESCUED'

Venomous snake rescued from beer in Australia

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, pharmaross and Robert Moats)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 11:14 AM
Permalink | Comments (4)

IT WAS ETC. AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Cat found in luggage at New York airport didn’t belong to the traveler, TSA says

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Robert Moats, EricY, pharmaross and Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 09:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

THE GOOD NEWS IS, THIS MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE SNAKES TO FIND YOU

Video shows a monstrous mosquito swarm in Australia that's so thick farmers could barely see across their porch

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 09:14 AM
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WHO SAYS THERE ARE NO VIRTUOSOS LEFT?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 09:06 AM
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UPDATE

Mystery of sheep walking in circle for 12 days may be solved

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “Baaad habits are hard to break. Or maybe someone pulled the wool over their eyes and they can see straight. Mutton makes any sense here.”)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 09:05 AM
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ASSUMING THEY’LL TAKE IT

Budweiser will ship the unsold Buds to the country that wins the tournament

(Thanks to Steve K, The Perts and Not My Usual Alias, who says “the second-place team will get all the remaining Bud Zero.”)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 09:02 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Panasonic to Sell a Subscription-Based, Farting Companion Robot

(Thanks to wiredog and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 08:59 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

UNLESS OF COURSE IT’S VERY SICK

Here is some good advice for you: there is no need, ever, to bring a snake to the emergency room. 

(Thanks to MOTW)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 08:57 AM
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THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

A mum sparked an online debate about how many fish fingers made a portion for an adult and the nation couldn't agree - but Birds Eye have set the record straight

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 23, 2022 at 08:54 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

November 22, 2022

CENTRAL PARK HAS BATS?

Frigid temperatures have bats falling to the ground in Manhattan’s Central Park, officials said.

(Thanks to Static Joeage, who says "Not the good kind of bat droppings.")

(There's a good kind of bat droppings?)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 04:46 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME SOMEBODY DID SOMETHING

Lawsuit Claims Mac & Cheese May Take Seconds Longer to Make Than Promised

(Thanks to Seymour Singer)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 01:15 PM
Permalink | Comments (13)

CTRL-ALT-DELETE

How to Test If We're Living in a Computer Simulation

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 09:07 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

AND IN SPORTS

Tian Rui of Qingdao, Shangdong Province, took on the record for tallest house of cards built in 12 hours and completed his 50-level structure in only 5 hours and 4 minutes.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 09:04 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE ON YOUR LIST

Budget casket maker offers Black Friday deal

(Thanks to EricY)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 09:01 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

‘HONEY, I THINK I HEAR SOMETHING DOWNSTAIRS’

Soldotna firefighters rescue moose from basement

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 22, 2022 at 08:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

 
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