October 12, 2019

AND IN SPORTS

San Diego Padres pitcher Jacob Nix was arrested Sunday for criminal trespassing after trying to get into an Arizona house through a doggy door, prompting a resident of the home to kick him and use a stun gun on him, according to police.

Shocker: Nix told police that he thought he was at his own home, even though he doesn't have a doggy door and usually enters through the front door. He could not explain and would not elaborate further why he tried to enter someone else's house. Court documents said he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

Posted by Dave on October 12, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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A FLORIDA LAWSUIT IS ON THE WAY

Portland has the worst drivers in the country, report says

(Thanks to B’game)

Posted by Dave on October 12, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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October 11, 2019

AWW

Bride incorporates late father's ashes into wedding nails, uses 'tiny bits of bone fragment' for glittery look

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says “Dad will be there on the wedding night!”)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 08:04 AM
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BOLO

Wildlife officials warn public to kill ‘land-dwelling’ fish on sight

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 08:02 AM
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IN THAT CASE, MA’AM...

Catlett then allegedly told police that if she "pops hot" – likely a reference to testing positive for drugs – it was because Furr fed her a meth sandwich.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 08:00 AM
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WHEREAS DOGS WOULD HAVE LICKED THE BURGLAR

Cat cafe burglarized in Alabama, and the cats did what cats do: absolutely nothing

(Thanks to Jim Perth, John Criswell, Le Petomane and Geoff)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 07:56 AM
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OBJECTION

Convicted bank robber makes 5-day closing speech to court

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 07:54 AM
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‘IS THIS YOUR TURD?’

Springfield, Mo. police enforce dog poop cleanup with flags

(Thanks to pharmaross and Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 07:53 AM
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SHE CLAIMED A ‘FRIEND’ GAVE IT TO HER

Woman allegedly steals building, tries to sell it on Facebook Marketplace

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on October 11, 2019 at 07:50 AM
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October 10, 2019

BETTER THAN SEASHELLS

Family on SC vacation pulls 44 pounds of cocaine from ocean

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 01:16 PM
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AND IN SPORTS

Willistown has launched its Spotted Lanternfly SMASH-A-THON.

(Thanks to Deb in Rochester NY)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 01:09 PM
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WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Missouri bar charges customers by the hour instead of by the drink

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 12:48 PM
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SHOWING INITIATIVE

Police in New Jersey say a church bingo night went awry after an allegation that two players had taped a called number onto their card to claim a bingo win.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Cows painted like zebras fend off flies better, study says

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 12:42 PM
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TERRORISM UPDATE

Squirrels hide more than 200 walnuts under hood of Pa. couple’s car

(Thanks to pretty much everybody on Earth)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 12:34 PM
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CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Calgary Zoo confirms panda not pregnant

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 12:30 PM
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'HEAVIER THAN A MITSUBISHI ECLIPSE'

New England Giant Pumpkin Weigh-off won by 2,295-pound gourd

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 11:54 AM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

A Florida woman who was previously arrested for burning down a 3,500-year-old tree while smoking methamphetamine was arrested last week on charges of trafficking meth, authorities said.

(Thanks to The OssBoss)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 11:50 AM
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GET READY

A Full Beaver Moon Is Coming in November

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 11:36 AM
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ALWAYS A SOUND LEGAL STRATEGY

According to the report, while waiting for discharge paperwork to be finished, Jenkins came out from his room dressed as a doctor, wearing blue scrubs and a stethoscope, and tried to run out of the hospital’s emergency room doors.

(Thanks to Ross Couples)

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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DOLPHINS VS. REDSKINS

It's gonna be a barn-burner. Or at least it's gonna smell like a burning barn. 

Posted by Dave on October 10, 2019 at 10:58 AM
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October 09, 2019

BECAUSE -- LET'S BE HONEST -- THEY SUCK

Stunning Survey Reveals Quarter Of Americans Have Never Eaten Vegetables

We're way too busy blogging to actually read this, but: They cannot be counting the potato as a vegetable.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on October 9, 2019 at 05:51 PM
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BUT NO BLOOD! THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.

Department of Human Services employee sacked over urine in office kitchen kettle

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 9, 2019 at 05:45 PM
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WE CAN ONLY ASSUME THIS LIVING ROOM IS, LEGALLY SPEAKING, IN FLORIDA

Car crashes into Kennewick man's living room

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on October 9, 2019 at 05:39 PM
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AT LEAST HE DIDN'T WASTE IT

Drexel professor spent $189K in research funds at strip clubs, authorities say

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on October 9, 2019 at 05:25 PM
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October 08, 2019

SMALL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Small Business Spotlight. 

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:53 AM
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O THE HUMANITY, MATE

A Beer Truck Has Crashed In NSW, Spilling Thousands Of VBs

(VB = Victoria Bitter)

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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THEY ARE WELCOME ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

German police have revealed that hundreds of electric scooter users lost their driving licenses after riding while drunk at the Oktoberfest beer festival in Munich.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:40 AM
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HAPPY OCTOBER 8

Today we celebrate the day, in 1980, when this young man was born.

Weinermobile

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:34 AM
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APPARENTLY

San Jose thieves steal duffel bag, apparently unaware it's full of snakes

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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SPACE-GROWN MEAT WBAGNFARB

Astronauts could grow own meat in space

(Thanka to Eric Y)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:29 AM
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HERE PANCHO! NO, WAIT...

Woman Is Shocked To Learn That The Dog She Rescued Is A Coyote

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, who says "At least it wasn't a squirrel.")

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:23 AM
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WHY YOU NEED THE XXXL JERSEY

A woman attended the Saints game Sunday in the Superdome and it appears that she forgot to put on her pants and/or undergarments.

(Thanks to bayou girl)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:17 AM
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WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE LOX

A semi-trailer hauling bagels erupted into flames Sunday night in Northwest Indiana.

(Thanks to DaninDallas, Ralph and Alan Kubbs)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:10 AM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Palm City man accused of enticing alligator to bite him, pouring beer in its mouth

(Thanks to Allen at Division and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 8, 2019 at 11:08 AM
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October 07, 2019

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FAIRY-TALE WEDDING

A Texas man has been arrested after his fiancée saw a social media post of him robbing a bank the day before his wedding so he could pay for the ring and the venue of his ceremony.

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:52 AM
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OF COURSE IT'S AUSTRALIA

Brain-shrinking killer fungus that cannot be touched is found in Australia

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:47 AM
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SENIOR GUYS IN ACTION

Tokyo senior citizen steals 159 bicycle seats in bizarre revenge plot

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:45 AM
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WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

The New AI Toilets Will Scan Your Poop To Diagnose Your Ailments

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:42 AM
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THIS IS WHAT WE CALL SPIRIT

The University of Kansas apologized for its risque Late Night at the Phog event in which rapper Snoop Dogg performed, stripper poles were wheeled onto the Allen Fieldhouse floor and fake money was shot over the heads of prospective recruits.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:35 AM
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IT'S THE FUTURE, DUDE

These robots are learning to grow weed.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:27 AM
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OINK

China’s Breeding Giant Pigs That Are as Heavy as Polar Bears

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Kevin Smith)

UH-oh: Pigs are observed using tools for the first time as researcher records one digging in the ground with a stick

(Thanks to John Lobert, Jeff Meyerson, The Perts and Charles Cates)

Posted by Dave on October 7, 2019 at 09:25 AM
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October 06, 2019

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Florida woman leads police on hours-long chase through Big Lots ceiling after allegedly trying to shoplift

(Thanks to David Knight, Le Petomane and John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 12:01 PM
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THE WAY TO HER HEART

Florida man arrested after pulling machete on woman who refused to date him

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:54 AM
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O THE HUMANITY

Warehouse full of plastic gator heads burns in massive fire near I-285

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:51 AM
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OK, NO.

Glassless whisky: The Glenlivet launches new edible cocktail capsules

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:46 AM
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HOW YOU KNOW YOU HAD A FUN NIGHT

Clubber wakes up 100 miles from home surrounded by sheep with £400 Uber bill

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who asks "How did the sheep get a £400 Uber bill?")

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Rampaging gangs of violent monkeys attacking monastery visitors every day

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:40 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Texas man claims 'voodoo' made him steal $400 in stuff from Walmart, police say

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 6, 2019 at 11:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (7)

October 05, 2019

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Bishop Obinim spotted playing dondo with his wife’s soft buttocks to nullify claims that it’s rotten

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on October 5, 2019 at 11:18 AM
Permalink | Comments (15)

 
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