Dave Barry's Blog

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT

The Most Dangerous Christmas Songs To Drive To

HILAR... WE MEAN, TRAGIC

Venice gondola capsizes after tourists refuse to sit down and stop taking selfies

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: A NATION EASILY AMUSED

Coco the cat’s daring leap of faith from electricity pole delights Canadians

(Thanks to B&C)

THEY STOPPED IT WELL SHORT OF FLORIDA

Missouri police chasing erratic mobile home caught on wild dashcam video

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

EVERYBODY GET INDOORS

Gigantic 'hole' in the sun wider than 60 Earths is spewing superfast solar wind right at us

(Thanks to Frank, who says "Pass the sunscreen.")

OH WELL

'Curse tablet' with oldest Hebrew name of god is actually a fishing weight, experts argue

(Thanks to Frank)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ICEBERG

World's biggest cruise ship five times the size of the Titanic prepares to sail

(Thanks to Annette)

'I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KEPT IT IF IT DIDN'T SMELL SO HORRID'

Texas woman finds opossum lounging in her Christmas tree

(Thanks to EricY and Buck Nekkid)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER WRENCH

World record hex nut soon to be ready in Texas

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

We finally know how tardigrades mate

(Thanks to EricY)

'TO PROMOTE A SPONSORSHIP WITH A WALLET COMPANY'

A 30-year-old YouTube creator and former Olympic athlete was sentenced Monday to six months in federal prison for staging a small plane crash for social media clicks.

(Thanks to Ron T)

HOW DARE THEY

MTA banning booze on commuter rail as SantaCon staggers into city

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Why not shred the Constitution and be done with it?")

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Clearwater man arrested while wearing ‘I just got out of prison’ T-shirt

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE

Loud fart sound erupts during John Kerry’s speech at climate panel

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

Related: Lightning Goalie Loses It When Loud Fart Interrupts His Press Scrum

(Thanks to Ron T)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Inflatable Santa Claus gunned down in Kentucky drive-by shooting

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Woman arrested for shoplifting during ‘Shop with a Cop’ event

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark and Geoff Scott)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Husband Linked To Domestic Sausage Battery

(Thanks to Ralph, Buck Nekkid, Barry Nester Al Barkafski and Michael Parry)

WE HOPE IT’S A SQUIRREL

College football bowl game to debut first-ever edible mascot to be eaten by players

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT NEEDED TO RENEW ITS FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Greasy Yet Adorable Mole Resurfaces After Hiding Out For 8 Decades

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Woman celebrating her 115th birthday says the secret is eating 'lots of beans'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CANADIAN TERROR UPDATE

Escaped kangaroo punches police officer in face before Oshawa capture

(Thanks to The Perts and B&C)

FESTIVE!

Man accidentally prints neighbour's dental X-ray on his family Christmas cards

(Thanks to John Lobert)

OH SHUT UP

You've been holding your wine glass wrong - expert warns it's different for white and red

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FRANCE ON HIGHEST ALERT

Milford Haven: Garden ornament turns out to be live bomb

(Thanks to wiredog, Barry Nester AND MOTW)

OOPS

Passengers surprised when plane lands 200 miles from destination

(Thanks to Frank)

We'd be more than "surprised."

A FLORIDA COMMERCIAL LICENSE IS ON THE WAY, DUDE

A bus driver ate gummies containing THC, then passed out on highway.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THE COMMENTS

They're back. For now. Thanks to judi. Who has nevertheless, as a precautionary measure, been fired.

APPARENTLY SHE WAS NOT DONE DINING

Drunk dine-and-dash suspect bites West Van police officer

(Thanks to The Perts)

SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT

Snow White Has Her Arm Ripped Off By Dopey At Disney World

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE NUMBER THREE

Most Fun Cities in America

FALL IN FLORIDA

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Woman hurls clothes over sixth-floor NYC balcony after boyfriend caught cheating: video

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

AND IN SPORTS

Dr Pepper Awards Two $100,000 Scholarships to Correct Halftime Blunder

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

UNTIL NOW IT WAS ONLY A DREAM

You could own the world’s largest pheasant

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE COMMENTS

They're still not working. Judi, despite being fired, has tried various things that sometimes fix the problem but so far they have not worked. She has also reached out to TypePad, which feels like appealing to the Wizard of Oz. We apologize for the fact that you cannot comment. If you feel your comments backing up internally, you could try relieving the pressure by speaking directly to another human, although we do not advise this.

HALLELUJAH, DUDE

Massive marijuana grow operation with ‘booby traps’ discovered in Tennessee church

(Thanks to Bill Carver and Doug Ogg, who says "Lord, lift us higher.")

SO THEY CAN WRITE?

...ecologists at Mexico’s National Autonomous University are giving the public the chance to virtually adopt an axolotl. For $30, $180 or $360, donors can choose the sex, age and name of the little buddy they get to call theirs for a month, six months or a year, respectively. The axolotls stay in Mexico, but donors receive an adoption kit with an infographic, the axolotl’s identification card, a certificate of adoption and a personalized thank-you letter.

(Thanks to The Perts)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Kangaroo escapes Ontario zoo during overnight stay

(Thanks to B&C, Doug Ogg and The Perts)

LET'S START A GOFUNDME

Jeff Bezos’ Giant Yacht Is Apparently Too Big to Anchor Near Others in Florida

(Thanks to Steve K.)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello Dave,

I'm reaching out again to check if you were able to review my previous email.

THE COMMENTS

We're aware that they're not working. As always we are doing everything in our power (by which we mean, basically, nothing) to correct this problem. Judi has been etc. YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US. 

JUST COFFEE FOR US, THANKS

You can now get breakfast cereal that tastes like a full English fry-up

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BOLO

Police Cast a Dragnet for 10,000 Stolen Doughnuts

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, Jeff Meyerson and Steve K.)

THIS JUST IN

“We are presenting this [orgasm] data in a way that has never been done before and we’re really excited to share it with the world.”

(Thanks to wiredog)

O THE HUMANITY

Crash covers Ohio highway in chocolate and caramel

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "We're gonna need more vanilla ice cream.") 

ALL HAIL KAILASA

Paraguay official resigns after signing agreement with fictional country

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

You better watch out.

(Thanks to EricY)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

A new fake Toonie has emerged in Quebec, Ontario: Here’s how you spot it

(Thanks to The Perts)

We didn't even know there was a real Toonie.

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

A Florida man has amassed a collection of 2,467 copies of 1997 film Titanic on VHS -- and he is aiming for 1 million.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Finally: a Florida Man story that isn't bizarre.")

NOW WITH ADDED HAIRNETS!

Scores of protein bars were recalled Wednesday after customers found multiple foreign objects — including hairnets — in their snacks.

(Thanks to John Lobert)