November 16, 2018

WE SAY GIVE HER THE CHAIR, IF THEY HAVE THE CHAIR IN CANADA

The Supreme Court of Canada agreed Thursday to hear the case of a woman who was ticketed and arrested after she refused instructions to hold onto an escalator handrail.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:50 AM
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HE MEANT TO BUY CLOTHES

A man in China woke up with more than just a hangover Sunday after allegedly splashing out on a peacock, a giant salamander and a pig while drunk.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:48 AM
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STILL MORE FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Large-necked man and Joker lookalike are upping the ‘Florida Man’ mugshot game

An elderly woman worried about the meth she was smoking. So she took it to her doctor, cops say

(Thanks to pharmaross, Steve K and Jane Linderman)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:46 AM
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WE BET IT'S REGISTERED IN FLORIDA

A camel - an actual camel - joins stranded motorists on Pa. highway

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

It's a Worldwide Epidemic: German police secure seven camels loitering in supermarket car park

(Thanks to Charles Steindel)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:38 AM
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WHAT COULD POSSIBLY ETC?

Ford is testing self-driving cars in Miami for delivery of items like diapers and groceries

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:37 AM
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AND ON BEHALF OF CARL HIAASEN, THIS BLOG AND MANY OTHERS IN THE HUMOR INDUSTRY, WE SAY: THANK YOU, FLORIDA

Federal judge calls Florida the 'laughing-stock of the world'

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:35 AM
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POLICE HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Officials in an Alabama county have a financial mess to wipe up after the sheriff's department mistakenly ordered 24,000 extra rolls of toilet paper.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says this creates a "big budget deficit to wipe out.")

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:30 AM
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IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

McDonald's Worker Charged In Bacon Attack

(Thanks to elseabs, who says "Could have been worse, like a broccoli attack. Ew.") (Also thanks to Allen at Division)

Maybe We Should Ban Food Altogether: A Pittsburgh woman is facing several charges after allegedly throwing several cans of SpaghettiOs at a woman’s vehicle in Pittsburgh’s Terrace Village neighborhood.

(Thanks to DaninDallas and timbang)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:28 AM
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TODAY'S TOP STORY

Shrine to Danny DeVito found behind college restroom's towel dispenser

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 16, 2018 at 09:26 AM
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November 15, 2018

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Allen Park police happy to announce there’s no feces on road

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 12:27 PM
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SO HE HAS AN OPEN MIND

Japan cybersecurity minister admits he has never used a computer

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Howard from Broward)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:52 AM
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WOMEN, NOT SO MUCH

Study: Men with beards are more attractive

(Thanks to Allen Division who notes "coincidentally" that he has a beard)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:50 AM
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MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

New Zealand launches balls checking booth for testicular cancer

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:44 AM
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WE BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE

Are we really in the middle of a global sex recession?

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "STOP TWITTERING")

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:43 AM
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YOU JUST KNOW THIS WILL DELAY THE FLORIDA RECOUNT

Dark Matter Storm is Speeding Toward Our Sun

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:42 AM
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SHE WAS RELEASED AFTER THE LOBSTER PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

An intoxicated Florida Woman plucked a live lobster from a tank at a Red Lobster and bolted from the St. Petersburg restaurant with the purloined crustacean, according to police.

(Thanks to Brian Duval, Dave Kearns, Janice Gelb and Jane Linderman)

Posted by Dave on November 15, 2018 at 11:26 AM
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November 14, 2018

HE HAS BEEN HIRED TO HANDLE THE BROWARD COUNTY ELECTION RECOUNTS

Referee David McNamara has been handed a three-week ban by the English FA for asking two captains to play rock, paper, scissors to decide the kick-off before a Women’s Super League (WSL) match after forgetting his coin, British media reported on Tuesday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 11:15 AM
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IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Man driving 118 mph — in 45-mph zone — says he was testing new car parts

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 11:12 AM
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GUYS IN ACTION DOWN UNDER

Man arrested after allegedly setting fire to speed camera with 'flaming underwear'

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 11:09 AM
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AS RECOMMENDED BY LEGAL EXPERTS

Man crashes pickup truck into Mississippi courthouse to tell authorities his drug paraphernalia was stolen

(Thanks to John Mayson and Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 11:05 AM
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NO JURY WOULD CONVICT HIM

New Jersey man allegedly booked for DWI says he “drank too much because the Jets suck”

(Thanks to Jane Linderman, Allen at Division and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 10:59 AM
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YOU KNOW WHO SOLD IT TO THEM

Police Lock Up Angry Raccoons Drunk On Crabapple Hooch Until They Sober Up

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 10:57 AM
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November 13, 2018

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE ISSUED IN 4382 B.C.

Florida man dressed like Fred Flintstone pulled over in his ‘footmobile’

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 11:10 AM
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NAKED GUYS IN ACTION

 Naked Florida man revealed on video sneaking into restaurant and munching on ramen

(Thanks to R. Wolfe)

Police searching for naked man spotted outside multiple New Jersey homes

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that “No one has seen Chris Christie lately.”)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 11:06 AM
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YOU KNOW YOU NEED IT

Life of The Party LED Light Up 3-Piece Holiday Party Suit

There’s also a nice light-up Chanukah onesie, although somebody seems to think it’s for Christmas.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

And if that is not classy enough for the fashion-conscious man on your holiday list, consider this

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:57 AM
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YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO SUE HIM

North Carolina man punches bear in nose during attack

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:20 AM
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MEANWHILE IN THE INCREASINGLY CASUAL SKIES

LADbible posted this video of a woman using an airplane vent to dry — what appears to be — her underwear.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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PAGING POPEYE

Truck spills spinach across Ohio highway

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “The Green Mile, Part 2”)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:13 AM
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IT DOESN’T GET MUCH MORE FINAL

Kimberly Santleben-Stiteler celebrated the finalization of her divorce by blowing up her wedding dress on her family farm in Lacoste, Texas, about 30 miles West of San Antonio.

(Thanks to John Criswell, pharmaross and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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HEY, THOSE THINGS CAN BE DANGEROUS

A resident near Lake Blaine was upset that her neighbors had been up late the previous night shooting the lake.

Guess the county. (Hint: It rhymes with “Fathead.”)

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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November 12, 2018

DECK THE... UM...

Nipple wreaths.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mac Turl)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:50 AM
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IT WANTS TO VOTE IN FLORIDA, THAT'S WHY

A bubbling pool of mud is on the move, and no one knows why

(Thanks to Kelvin Yund)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:47 AM
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THERE COULD BE VALID TACTICAL REASONS

Marine pilots investigated for ‘drawing a giant penis in the sky’

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:45 AM
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WE ALSO APPROVE

Drug to make cow poo less smelly approved

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:42 AM
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MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:30 AM
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FORTUNATELY THEY DECLINED

Man commanded animals at Dickerson Park Zoo to eat zookeeper, police say

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:26 AM
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November 11, 2018

VETERANS DAY

Thanks for your service, veterans. And thanks to your families for their sacrifice.

Posted by Dave on November 11, 2018 at 12:52 PM
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November 09, 2018

EXTREME BEVERAGE SERVICE

Flight attendant breastfeeds passenger's baby

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 05:04 PM
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APPARENTLY THERE WERE NO AVAILABLE PUBLIC TOILETS

Woman celebrates her birthday with a lobster feast on the subway

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 05:02 PM
Permalink | Comments (4)

GUESS THE STATE

Family uses air boat to push pickup that ran out of gas

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:34 AM
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AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA LICENSES

Thousands of spiders swarm at side of highway

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:33 AM
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MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

A Kalispell woman called 911 because a man was messing all her stuff up. The dispatcher reported hearing back and forth screaming and then the man grabbed the phone and said, “I’m not here.” The woman than grabbed the phone and said, “We don’t need the authorities.”

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:31 AM
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THE ANNOUNCEMENT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

Toy Hall of Fame inducts Uno, Magic 8 Ball and pinball

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

This blog agrees with adding Uno and of course the Magic 8 Ball. But we cannot agree that pinball is a "toy," and that it beat out Chutes and Ladders. This is why Americans are losing confidence in their fundamental institutions.

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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THE NEWS FROM BANGKOK

A three-metre python lurking in a toilet has bitten a Thai man on the penis, local media said on Friday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:20 AM
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THEY NEED TO DO THIS WITH GOLF

Dutch Soccer Fans Hire Stripper To Run On Field And Distract Opponents

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:19 AM
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WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Bug farts help create renewable energy in Central Jersey

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "No need to travel to Uranus.")

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:16 AM
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November 08, 2018

A PERFECT FIT

Man Who Writes Bigfoot Erotica Now a U.S. Congressman

In accordance with our strict policy, we a re not making fun of his name, or the name of his opponent.

(Thanks to Samuel Sprague) 

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:29 AM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

17-Foot Python Captured in Everglades, Setting Record

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:23 AM
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WE’RE SUING TO RAISE OUR HEIGHT

69-Year-Old Dutch Man Is Suing to Lower His Age by 20 Years

(Thanks to pharmaross, Nelson from Michigan, PirateBoy and Laurie Ann-Farr Cavanaugh Bobskill) 

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:20 AM
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THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE WE WERE PROMISED

Self-driving cars could function as moving brothels, academics predict

(Thanks to Michael Parry, who says he saw Moving Brothels open for the Sex Pistols)

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:08 AM
Permalink | Comments (6)

 
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