November 14, 2018

NO JURY WOULD CONVICT HIM

New Jersey man allegedly booked for DWI says he “drank too much because the Jets suck”

(Thanks to Jane Linderman, Allen at Division and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 10:59 AM
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YOU KNOW WHO SOLD IT TO THEM

Police Lock Up Angry Raccoons Drunk On Crabapple Hooch Until They Sober Up

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 14, 2018 at 10:57 AM
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November 13, 2018

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE ISSUED IN 4382 B.C.

Florida man dressed like Fred Flintstone pulled over in his ‘footmobile’

(Thanks to Roberto)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 11:10 AM
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NAKED GUYS IN ACTION

 Naked Florida man revealed on video sneaking into restaurant and munching on ramen

(Thanks to R. Wolfe)

Police searching for naked man spotted outside multiple New Jersey homes

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that “No one has seen Chris Christie lately.”)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 11:06 AM
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YOU KNOW YOU NEED IT

Life of The Party LED Light Up 3-Piece Holiday Party Suit

There’s also a nice light-up Chanukah onesie, although somebody seems to think it’s for Christmas.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

And if that is not classy enough for the fashion-conscious man on your holiday list, consider this

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:57 AM
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YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO SUE HIM

North Carolina man punches bear in nose during attack

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:20 AM
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MEANWHILE IN THE INCREASINGLY CASUAL SKIES

LADbible posted this video of a woman using an airplane vent to dry — what appears to be — her underwear.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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PAGING POPEYE

Truck spills spinach across Ohio highway

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “The Green Mile, Part 2”)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:13 AM
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IT DOESN’T GET MUCH MORE FINAL

Kimberly Santleben-Stiteler celebrated the finalization of her divorce by blowing up her wedding dress on her family farm in Lacoste, Texas, about 30 miles West of San Antonio.

(Thanks to John Criswell, pharmaross and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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HEY, THOSE THINGS CAN BE DANGEROUS

A resident near Lake Blaine was upset that her neighbors had been up late the previous night shooting the lake.

Guess the county. (Hint: It rhymes with “Fathead.”)

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

Posted by Dave on November 13, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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November 12, 2018

DECK THE... UM...

Nipple wreaths.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mac Turl)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:50 AM
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IT WANTS TO VOTE IN FLORIDA, THAT'S WHY

A bubbling pool of mud is on the move, and no one knows why

(Thanks to Kelvin Yund)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:47 AM
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THERE COULD BE VALID TACTICAL REASONS

Marine pilots investigated for ‘drawing a giant penis in the sky’

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:45 AM
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WE ALSO APPROVE

Drug to make cow poo less smelly approved

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:42 AM
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MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:30 AM
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FORTUNATELY THEY DECLINED

Man commanded animals at Dickerson Park Zoo to eat zookeeper, police say

(Thanks to coscolo)

Posted by Dave on November 12, 2018 at 10:26 AM
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November 11, 2018

VETERANS DAY

Thanks for your service, veterans. And thanks to your families for their sacrifice.

Posted by Dave on November 11, 2018 at 12:52 PM
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November 09, 2018

EXTREME BEVERAGE SERVICE

Flight attendant breastfeeds passenger's baby

(Thanks to Steve K)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 05:04 PM
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APPARENTLY THERE WERE NO AVAILABLE PUBLIC TOILETS

Woman celebrates her birthday with a lobster feast on the subway

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 05:02 PM
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GUESS THE STATE

Family uses air boat to push pickup that ran out of gas

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:34 AM
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AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA LICENSES

Thousands of spiders swarm at side of highway

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:33 AM
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MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

A Kalispell woman called 911 because a man was messing all her stuff up. The dispatcher reported hearing back and forth screaming and then the man grabbed the phone and said, “I’m not here.” The woman than grabbed the phone and said, “We don’t need the authorities.”

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:31 AM
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THE ANNOUNCEMENT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR

Toy Hall of Fame inducts Uno, Magic 8 Ball and pinball

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

This blog agrees with adding Uno and of course the Magic 8 Ball. But we cannot agree that pinball is a "toy," and that it beat out Chutes and Ladders. This is why Americans are losing confidence in their fundamental institutions.

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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THE NEWS FROM BANGKOK

A three-metre python lurking in a toilet has bitten a Thai man on the penis, local media said on Friday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:20 AM
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THEY NEED TO DO THIS WITH GOLF

Dutch Soccer Fans Hire Stripper To Run On Field And Distract Opponents

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:19 AM
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WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Bug farts help create renewable energy in Central Jersey

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "No need to travel to Uranus.")

Posted by Dave on November 9, 2018 at 11:16 AM
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November 08, 2018

A PERFECT FIT

Man Who Writes Bigfoot Erotica Now a U.S. Congressman

In accordance with our strict policy, we a re not making fun of his name, or the name of his opponent.

(Thanks to Samuel Sprague) 

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:29 AM
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IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

17-Foot Python Captured in Everglades, Setting Record

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

WE’RE SUING TO RAISE OUR HEIGHT

69-Year-Old Dutch Man Is Suing to Lower His Age by 20 Years

(Thanks to pharmaross, Nelson from Michigan, PirateBoy and Laurie Ann-Farr Cavanaugh Bobskill) 

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:20 AM
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THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE WE WERE PROMISED

Self-driving cars could function as moving brothels, academics predict

(Thanks to Michael Parry, who says he saw Moving Brothels open for the Sex Pistols)

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:08 AM
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THE MOTHER LODE

NASA has plans to probe Uranus in search of gas

(Thanks to Ralph)

Serious Question: Do we think scientists study Uranus more than other planets solely because they know their work will be featured by immature media such as this blog? Are the Neptune scientists jealous? 

Posted by Dave on November 8, 2018 at 10:04 AM
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November 07, 2018

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY HAD VALID FLORIDA LICENSES

Why did the salmon cross the road?

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on November 7, 2018 at 10:43 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

GUESS THE STATE

Man breaks into crocodile enclosure, gets bitten

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman and Don Faber, who notes that the man was wearing Crocs.)

Posted by Dave on November 7, 2018 at 10:40 AM
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ELECTION ROUNDUP

Miss BumBum contestants get into fight over fake butt accusations

This has been your Election Roundup.

(Thanks to Greg Snow and pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 7, 2018 at 10:36 AM
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A SOLID CHOICE

Voters in southern Nevada on Tuesday appeared likely to pick Republican Dennis Hof, the legal pimp who died last month to serve in state Assembly District 36.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on November 7, 2018 at 10:22 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

ALABAMA DINING REPORT

Man falls through Waffle House roof in video, fights customers and runs away

This has been your Alabama Dining Report.

(Thanks to Steve K, pharmaross and veee)

Posted by Dave on November 7, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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November 06, 2018

‘I WAS LITERALLY IN IT’

Man sits in feces on Delta flight

Meehan said he asked flight attendants for help cleaning up, but they only provided two paper towels and a small bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin. 

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 6, 2018 at 03:10 PM
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SEEMS LEGIT

A woman claims that her creepy doll was so jealous of her boyfriend that it beat him up so badly that he left her.

Proof Enough for This Blog: Actual photo of "a medium talking with the doll."

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 6, 2018 at 12:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (16)

IN MIAMI, EVEN THE POSTAL-TRUCK DRIVERS ARE NUTS

Traffic was at a standstill, so this postal worker went rogue in South Miami-Dade

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "NEWMAN!")

Posted by Dave on November 6, 2018 at 12:17 PM
Permalink | Comments (9)

November 05, 2018

JOURNALISM

Nobody covers the issues like the Mirror covers the issues.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 05:06 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

FINALLY

The calendar you've been waiting for.

201900004572

(Thanks to Steve L.)

Posted by judi on November 5, 2018 at 03:47 PM
Permalink | Comments (10)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Kentucky State Police arrested a 24-year-old man Saturday evening at Churchill Downs after officials say he entered a restricted area, mounted a horse and rode it out toward the track, according to a citation.

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 10:50 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

ONE-STOP SHOPPING

McCaysville Drug & Gun

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 10:48 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

NEBRASKA GETS REAL

“Honestly, it’s not for everyone.”

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 10:40 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

WHOLESOME!

Zhenguo Yu is a businessman from a small town in Southwest China. He is divorced and lives with his teenage son and their 11 sex dolls.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 10:37 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

DANG, MISSED IT AGAIN

Friday was Love Your Lawyer Day.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

Posted by Dave on November 5, 2018 at 10:35 AM
Permalink | Comments (12)

November 04, 2018

HE HAS OUR VOTE

The 'sex with Bigfoot' movie starring an N.J. school board candidate is even worse than it sounds

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

Posted by Dave on November 4, 2018 at 10:23 AM
Permalink | Comments (11)

GUYS IN ACTION

Using Forklift To Knock Down Wall Didn't Go Well

(You can skip to about the 1:00 mark.)

(Thanks to Ralph)

Posted by Dave on November 4, 2018 at 10:19 AM
Permalink | Comments (10)

WAIT... PROFESSIONAL MERMAIDS?

Professional mermaids say 'merverts' are making their lives a hassle

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

Posted by Dave on November 4, 2018 at 10:16 AM
Permalink | Comments (9)

IT IS WELCOME ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

Oumuamua: Mysterious interstellar asteroid 'could be giant artificial solar sail sent by aliens looking for life'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on November 4, 2018 at 10:12 AM
Permalink | Comments (5)

 
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