April 08, 2011

WITH A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN LOOMING, IT'S TIME TO TAKE MEANINGFUL CITIZEN ACTION IN THE FORM OF: A CAPTION CONTEST

Here's a photo of some Art:

Pb-110408-train-da.photoblog900
(Thanks to MOTW)

You are invited to come up with a caption for this photo. At some random point we'll cut off the entries and declare a winner, who will receive an autographed copy of I'll Mature When I'm Dead (just out in paperback) with a retail value of $147 million.

UPDATE: The Caption Contest apparently has averted the government shutdown, so we are now closing the comments. We will announce a winner just as soon as we announce a winner. Thank you all for participating. Please resume your medications.

January 30, 2009

CREEPING FASCISM

Now they want to take away a man's right to operate a small business.

December 08, 2008

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

Beefyweb_2

FIRST PRIZE goes to Danny, for this entry:

“Because Secretary Paulson had struggled in previous attempts to explain what the big banks and brokerage houses had done to the U.S. economy, his staff prepared a visual aid that told the story in clear and graphic terms.”

Danny also submitted these:

-- “Responding to criticism from environmentalists, Oscar Meyer officials announced today that the next-generation Wienermobile would be a hybrid.”

-- “What happens in the desert outside of Vegas stays in the desert outside of Vegas.”

SECOND PRIZE goes to Meanie the Blue, for this entry:

“Some have complained that the USDA's definition of ‘Free Range’ was a little too broad.”

Meanie also submitted these:

-- “What the government does not want you to know about Area 52.”

-- “Experience the eHarmony difference.”

THIRD PRIZE goes to gfunksizzle, for this entry:

“Since everybody got the internet, it's gotten harder and harder for Girls Gone Wild to shock the public.”

gfunksizzle also submitted these:

-- “In retrospect, Marlene agreed she should have given the Wienermobile GPS a more specific destination than ‘Nebraska Caverns.’"

-- “Unfortunately, Oscar Meyer's windshield wiper development team would be less confident after the test.”

-- “The resulting carnage and lawsuits would bankrupt Monsanto within the year.”

HONORABLE MENTION goes to:

-- "Unfamiliar with the new methane-powered Wienermobile, Jennifer was unsure where to insert the gas line." (Lou Bricant)

-- "One of many rejected 'Lexus December to Remember Event' commercials." (also Lou Bricant)

-- “Vote Larry Craig!” (Clay)

-- “But then Kirstie Alley realized it was only a dream.” (J-Lose)

-- "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in this demonstration the cow represents the individual known in the indictment as 'Kristin' and the Wienermobile represents former Governor Elliot Spitzer. Now, what happened was...." (Jeff Tompkins)

-- “Bessie couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that she was being followed.” (Cat R)

-- "Mad cow in three... two... one..." (Also thanks to Cat R)

As always, we thank you for participating, and we assure you that your entry was clearly the best and would definitely have won except that judi does not like you.

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST

We're thinking we need to do a caption contest involving the photo appearing in the news item (linked to below) about Oscar Mayer seeking Wienermobile drivers. Here's the photo:

Beefyweb

Please suggest your caption in the comments. The winner will receive a bailout worth billions of dollars from generous American taxpayers. Or, if that doesn't work out, the winner will receive an item left over from the Holiday Gift Guide which judi will describe here if she ever gets to work, not that we are suggesting that she is a slackard, although we ourselves have been slaving away for hours.

Sauntering-In Update

We have to get rid of The lucky winner can choose one of the three larger best items:

1) The Pathetic Pillow

2) The Disgusting Doggie Chair

3) The Dork Helmet

(We will link to photos if we can ever find them.)

ADVISORY: We're going to cut off the comments at 1 p.m. Eastern Daylight Western Standard Mountain Central Division Time.

November 25, 2008

CREEPING FASCISM ALERT

Man jailed for Spiderpig insults

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

November 18, 2008

CREEPING FASCISM ON A PLANE

It's getting so a man can't adjust himself.

(Thanks to eugen beer and Jeff Meyerson)

August 10, 2008

CHINA SHOPPING UPDATE

There is a wide selection of merchandise for sale featuring Mao, Che, and pandas.

Mao

Next door you have your smoking pipes.

Smoking_pipe

July 22, 2008

CREEPING FASCISM IN MICHIGAN

It's getting so a man can't even ride his mower.

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

June 24, 2008

CONTEST RESULTS

Contest

The winner is Meanie the Blue, who clearly took a lot of drugs felt inspired and sent in a bunch of good ones, including:

Vista 2.0 - it's here!
"Now that I'm invisible, I can go anywhere…"
Darth Vader's high school yearbook picture
"This, or the white gold - what do you think?"
Why settle for canned, when you can have fresh-squeezed with one easy pull?
You've tried Santeria...

Meanie the Blue will win a piece of random crap valuable prize.

Choosing a runner-up was difficult, but I’m going with this one, from JayBee:

Brad worried that chicks might not dig the stubble.

In the event that Meanie the Blue is unable to carry out his duties as winner, JayBee will take over for the duration of Meanie the Blue’s reign.

Here are some other strong entries:

From klezmerphan: "THIS will cover my balding pate, and no one will be any the wiser!"

From Dave Diodato: “This would be so cute with my Speedo. No, wait. Thong!”

From Mars Punkin: "Wow! This DOES make your stool softer and easier to pass!"

From baligurl: "I bet the people looking at this ad can't tell I'm naked..."

From Cat R: “How YOU doin?”

And finally, two from Danny:

"Ohmigod, this is, like, so awesome. I'm gonna ask for overnight shipping on the Butt Spa!"

"Now that he had found a space yarmulke in his size, Max was ready to apply to NASA's astronaut-training program."

There were many other excellent ones, including of course any that you submitted, but judi did not like them. Thanks to all who participated, thereby demonstrating once again that the Internet is the most powerful force ever devised for not doing anything useful.

IN THIS BLOG'S OPINION, THE WORK FORCE HAS BEEN ENTIRELY TOO PRODUCTIVE LATELY. SO THAT MEANS...

...It's time for A CAPTION CONTEST!

The photo below is from an ad for a product called the "Head Spa." Feel free to submit captions. At some random point we will select a winner and give that person a valuable prize that judi will discover lying around the office.

3053200

(Thanks to Lorrie)

Prize Update (List of valuable prizes even the cleaning crew won't take out of here from which the winner may choose):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A Mr. Snail Foam Fish Hat perched jauntily atop a "Dave Barry fan" (next to Bob the Bear in the photo above)

5) A book by Dave (we have no idea which one it is) in what is possibly German or some other language

6) Dave's World hat (model not included)

7) A bottle of Wisconsin Rhino beer once used in genuine (albeit unsuccessful) Santeria offering here at your Miami Herald

May 13, 2008

CSI: BAINBRIDGE ISLAND

Verbal Warning Doled for Doughnut-Throwing

Key Quote: "I observed what I thought was a golf ball bounce along the highway," a Bainbridge police officer said. "I then saw another and another and determined they were not golf balls, but bouncing powdered sugar mini donuts."

(Thanks to Danny)

April 18, 2008

CSI: NEW JERSEY

Boy breaks into Metuchen home, causes flood and flees in girl's jeans

Key, Chilling, Quote: "He may not have known he left the water running."

(Thanks to Mahatma Kane Jeeves)

April 14, 2008

CAPTION CONTEST WINNERS

Here are the results:

Cowsswns2_450x300


THE WINNER:

"No, no, no! It's kick, kick, kick, then Jazz hands! Watch me again, girls!"
Posted by: Hammond Rye

HONORABLE MENTION (in chronological order):

"STOP! In the name of love..."
Posted by: judi

"I sure wish he'd give us some of that funny grass!"
Posted by: Punkin

I once milked a teat THIS big.
Posted by: Lou Bricant

Now whiter than ever, Michael Jackson today released his most bizarre music video yet.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue

In what television critics praise as a "bold programming move," executives at the CW introduce the centerpiece of their ambitious Fall 2008 TV schedule: "Dancing with the Cows."
Posted by: SteveB

Gunther demonstrates his technique of how to simultaneously perform a colonoscopy on one cow, and cover the eyes of the next cow due for the procedure.
Posted by: Steve (The 24 Guy)

Emile was trying to describe a parallelogram to his cattle when he noticed his brother holding a cell phone.
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Despite his years of experience, dairy farmer Rob Taverner was unaware that cow pies hardened so quickly.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue

There were many other fine entries, including of course yours, which would have won, except that judi hates you. Thanks to everybody who participated.

TIME FOR ANOTHER CAPTION CONTEST

The photo below appears with an article (thanks to Siouxie and sjhaller) about a farmer in Devon, England, who performs tai chi in front of his cows to increase milk production. We invite you to suggest a caption for the photo. The winner will be selected by this blog and the Federal Reserve Board, and will receive a valuable cheesy item that judi will find lying around the office.
Cowsswns2_450x300

Prize Update (List of valuable prizes we were unable to unload last time from which the winner may choose):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A Mr. Snail Foam Fish Hat perched jauntily atop a "Dave Barry fan" (next to Bob the Bear in the photo above)

5) A book by Dave (we have no idea which one it is) in what is possibly German or some other language

6) Dave's World hat (model not included)

February 21, 2008

UPDATE ON THE CAPTION CONTEST

Thank you all for participating. Your entries were scary excellent. We will announce the winner later today, after we see our therapist.

February 20, 2008

CAPTION CONTEST

Drop whatever you are doing and come up with a caption for this photo:

Flowbee

(The photo comes from this site. Yes! The Flowbee lives!)

The person who submits the winning caption, as determined by our panel of distinguished judges, will receive a valuable prize that judi will think of once she realizes what I have done here.

Update: judi has come up with some really lame excellent prize candidates, which she will describe here when she gets around to it. We will announce the winner tomorrow, and he or she can pick the prize.

Prize Update (Winner will be forced to accept choose one of the following):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A small stuffed weinermobile

5) The Big Book o' Beer

March 04, 2004

CAPTION CONTEST

No, you don't win anything. Except the knowledge that you have created the best caption for this picture, submitted to the blog by Paulo Ordoveza.

 
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