Dave Barry's Blog

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Barbie Gets a Brain: OpenAI Partnership Puts Conversational AI in Mattel Toys

(Thanks to EricY)

WE WERE SO CLOSE

BEYONCÉ’S FLYING CAR MALFUNCTIONS DURING HOUSTON CONCERT

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

AND IN TEXAS SPORTS

Horseback Pool

(Thanks to Steve K.)

FLORIDA DEMANDS A RECOUNT

Psychopaths Are Most Likely to Live in These 4 U.S. States, Study Finds

(Thanks to Steve K.)

RIGHT AROUND THE TIME WE GET OUR FLYING CARS...

...we'll be galloping around on these things.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Moreover, it can find fire hydrants.")

COUSIN BRUCIE?*

Scientists discover ancient radio signals from distant galaxy cluster

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "the playlist includes the threatening 'Purple People Eater.'")

*Reference here for those who did not grow up in NYC in the old days.)

NO ARGUMENT HERE

Beaver activists claim they are 'doing God's work'

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

ALL WE KNOW AT THIS POINT IS THAT IT HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Scientists Stumble Upon Mysterious Lifeform They Can’t Yet Explain

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THEY DON'T HAVE CHAIRS OVER THERE?

A 33-year-old man in Zhengzhou City, Henan Province, China, suffered a 13 cm rectal prolapse after spending two hours watching videos on his phone while using the toilet.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS WAS AUSTRALIA, SO YOU KNOW IT WASN'T A LOG

She thought it was a log

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HARD PASS

Quirky rat whisperer takes NYC visitors on guided tours — of the city’s worst rodent hot spots

"Quirky."

(Thanks to Ralph)

BUT IT'S CLEARLY MARKED 'DO NOT PRESS'

The universe has a 'self-destruct button' that could WIPE OUT life in an instant, scientists warn

(Thanks to Ralph)

'ROUND THESE PARTS WE HANG SEMEN RUSTLERS

Australian Man Accused Of Stealing $100K Of Wagyu Cattle Semen, Plus Embryos

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Nothing lower.")

THIS EXPLAINS THE 'TURBULENCE'

Yes, crew members do have sex in the cockpit, flight attendant confesses

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Airplane toilets are making an odd new sound, flight attendant says

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Snake blamed for city-wide power outage

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN EXTREMELY GERMAN SPORTS

The Even Splitting Championship

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

YOU CAN'T HAVE TOO MANY

California's newest Trader Joe's is across the street from a Trader Joe's

(Thanks to Ed. Floden)

EDUCATION NEWS FROM ABROAD

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Education News from Abroad.

(Thanks to Actual Name)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Microsoft says goodbye to the Windows blue screen of death

(Thanks to The Perts and EricY, who says "Should we hold services?")

AS IS HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

A Texas highway was shut down Thursday for several hours after a 64-year-old woman involved in a crash pulled out a gun and a lawn chair and sat in one of the lanes, sparking an hourslong standoff, authorities said Thursday.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

YOU *WILL* HAVE FUN

North Korea to open beach resort as Kim bets on tourism

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

We describe the off-label use of a recreational device (the Super Soaker Max-D 5000) in the alleviation of a socially emergent ear condition.

(Thanks to Barbara A from Trenton)

PAGING ROY SCHEIDER

Curious great white shark circles lobster boat off Cape Breton, chomps briefly on hull

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS NOT GOOD

These Squirrels Are Hunting and Eating Meat and Scientists Only Just Noticed

(Thanks to Mary Smith, The Perts and Charles)

IT EXPLAINS A *LOT* OF THINGS

Alcohol-soaked star system could help explain 'why life, including us, was able to form'

(Thanks to Norm Smaglik)

SOME OF US DEFINITELY ARE

Are We Living Inside A Black Hole?

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT STUDIES?

‘Yuck factor’: eating insects rather than meat to help the planet is failing, study finds

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

TSA Says Waffle House IDs ‘Will Not Suffice’ as REAL IDs: ‘Sorry’

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

PRIORITIES

Video Of Chinese Boy Running Back To Table For Food Mid-Earthquake Leaves Internet In Stitches

(Thanks to Ralph)

SEAGULLS CAN SUMMIT?

Calls for Scotland-wide seagull summit amid warnings someone could be killed

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY NEED BREAKS, TOO

Spider monkey captured in office building break room

(Thanks to MOTW)

MY TIME ON 'REAL TIME'

Desperately seeking an opinion.

THIS IS WHY THE STONES HAVE ROADIES

LeAnn Rimes runs off stage after her teeth fall out mid-concert

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'INTENSE PASSION' IS ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE IT

A Swiss woman’s intense passion for the popular energy drink has gone viral after she reportedly got the can’s barcode tattooed on her skin.

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU FIRST, RESEARCHERS!

Swarms of tiny nose robots could clear infected sinuses, researchers say

(Thanks to Janice Gelb and The Perts)

We saw SOTNR open for E.L.O.)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Armenia’s prime minister offers to show his penis to the head of the church

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Annette)

NO MEANS NO

A Met police officer may be sacked after he asked a colleague to pull his finger and farted when she said no.

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "That's not how the game is played.")

PLAN ACCORDINGLY

Why the Shortest Day of Your Life Could Happen This Summer

(Thanks to The Perts)

AND IN SPORTS

Athlete wins 400m hurdles race despite penis falling out of tiny shorts

(Thanks to Jim Perth and Annette)

'SAUSAGEGATE'

Confusion as giant sausage discovered at Coventry nightclub

(Thanks to Ralph)

CONGRATS?

'Best place to have herpes': New Zealand advert wins top prize

(Thanks to Ralph)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Jeff Bezos alters Venice wedding plans after threat of inflatable crocodiles

(Thanks to Jim Maiwurm and Janice Gelb)

BREATHE EASY, AMERICA

They caught Loony Tune.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who asks "Can you hear the theme music?")

GOOD ENOUGH FOR FLORIDA

Tesla Robotaxi swerved into wrong lane, topped speed limit in videos posted during ‘successful’ rollout

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND IN (burp) SPORTS

Between 7:00 p.m. on 14 March and 6:59 p.m. the following day, Martin hit an incredible number of 152 bars, securing the Guinness World Records title for most pubs visited in 24 hours

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ASSEMBLING IKEA FURNITURE

Orcas may be able to make and use tools

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE NEWS FROM TEXAS

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you The News From Texas.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EVERYBODY LINE UP FOR ROLL CALL

Scientists May Have Severely Miscalculated How Many Humans Are on Earth

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

ANY DAY NOW!

Japan’s Flying Cars Could Change Cities Forever

(Thanks to Steve K.)