Dave Barry's Blog

'THE DISPATCHER HUNG UP ON HIM AT ONE POINT, MISTAKING HIM FOR A TELEMARKETER'

Quicksand swallows man at Michigan beach near harbor dredging

(Thanks to Geoffrey Scott)

YUM

Scientists create the world's largest lab-grown chicken nugget, complete with artificial veins

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF THESE

6 signs you've been abducted by aliens from nosebleeds to common skin complaint

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOUNDS... PAINFUL

Flaming sex toys sparked blaze damaging three Staten Island homes, neighbor busted

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says he saw them open for the Sex Pistols)

'HE DID IT TO GAIN SOCIAL MEDIA FAME'

Man in police net for licking goat genitals

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

A FLORIDA MOTORCYCLE LICENSE

...is on the way.

(Thanks to EricY, who says he's half Russian.)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

Tourists upset after discovering Abbey Road is 'just a road'

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA SINKS EVER DEEPER INTO CHAOS

Kingston, Ont., police find drugs stuffed inside rotisserie chicken

Squirrels wreak havoc on Burlington family’s car

(Thanks to The Perts)

IF EXPERTS SAY SO, IT MUST BE TRUE

Jesus Christ's 'Body' Found! Experts Say Son of God's Corpse is Hidden In Giant Chamber Under Great Pyramid of Giza in Egypt

(Thanks to Rick Day)