Dave Barry's Blog

WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

Incensed that he was denied a free refill at a lemonade stand run by children, a Florida Man “aggressively” grabbed a female victim, adopted a fighting stance, and warned that he “would beat her up,” cops charge.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GOALKEEPER OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Goalkeeper of the Week.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOW YOU TELL US

Pouring Coffee Into Your Rectum Isn't Worth The Risk, Says Expert

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Ali revealed that for the past few days, she's been emailing people under the name "Stinky Poo Poo Fart" after her children got hold of her phone and somehow managed to change her name.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Somebody is SO grounded.")

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

'Exploding' Tunnock's teacakes cleared by tests to fly again

(Thanks to Ralph)

SEND THIS TAPE TO WASHINGTON

Pro golfer tapes mouth shut to stop his on-course tantrums

(Thanks to B&C)

WHOA

Woman Pries 6-Foot Alligator’s Jaws Open to Save Her Rescue Dog from Deadly Attack

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Do not mess with them.")

NEWS YOU CAN USE

If humans had a similar body ratio to the northern giant mouse lemur, their testicles would be the size of grapefruits.

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder) 

NOW THEY'RE DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR A BABYSITTER

Galapagos tortoises at Philadelphia Zoo become first-time parents at nearly 100 years old

(Thanks to Nelson in Michigan and B&C)

WE NEED TO BUILD A WALL

Giant feral goldfish that might have herpes are spreading in Ontario

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)