IT'S TAX TIME

Here's a useless column everything you need to know.

Comments

[MOTW]

Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life.
Don't audit our Blog and cause a bunch of strife

[Jeff Meyerson]

Holy Sh!t! Dave's right - this guy "Billy Long" looks like Jabba the Hutt's twin brother, the less good looking one.

[man tom]

Our CPA for the past 39 years, I would say 40 years, but that sounds like a long time, is now eighty-nine, possibly ninety years old. He graduated from the university along with my uncle sometime around 1960, I would say 1950 but that sounds really oldish. We received a letter a couple of months ago stating, "I am now working from my apartment, blah. blah blah." I say blah, blah, blah only because I have tried to contact him by his new phone number and by his email address without success. I believe He has for the first time in his Nonagenarian state purchased a smart phone. He doesn't answer and has no message like, "leave a message, I'll get back to your *if I'm not dead yet*.

Really, our accountant has been the best accountant and beyond our wildest dreams over the years. Although we have never been audited directed by his considerable tax preparation expertise He never ceases to amaze with suggestions and answers to our questions like these:

Q: "What should I do, the IRS says I have to respond by the 1st?"

A: "Ignore them."

Q: "Can I hire you to file this form with the IRS."

A: "Ignore them."

Q: "Hello, I am leaving this message with a guy who says He knows you because apparently you have a first time iphone and don't know how to set up the answer/leave a message function?"

A: "Ignore me, and my friend, I'm dead, or close to it which sounds like I'm really, really old."

[George Costanza]

Dave, why don't we just start a church, & you can be the Pope, (think how good you'd look in any one of those hats, but you have to choose just one because they're not gonna be tax deductible!)

[Burt Macklin, FBI]

If they ask if I've ever worked on a railroad, can I reply "All the livelong day, just to pass the time away."?

[Ralph]

If you actually want to get into commercial salamander-breeding, it may require state permits, plus federal permits from the USDA and the US Fish & Wildlife Service, both of which have been decimated by DOGE, so processing may be very slow.

I recommend cockroaches. No state or federal permits required.

[Pullet Surprise]

Or maybe raising gophers or carp. Don't know of any laws regulating them or even licensing exterminators.

[Bill Moore]

I'm pretty sure everyone who laughed or posts a comment is going to get audited... Rats.

[The Squirrel Whisperer]

Why are tax forms so incomprehensible? Easy. To intimidate tax payers into using a tax preparation service. The tax preparation services pay the government to prepare forms that would baffle Einstein. Everyone involved gets some money in their pocket. Tax preparers are the modern day equivalent of elevator operators. The intermediate instructions are easy such as "If you have an odd numbers of shoes in your closet add to the amount on line 37a by the square root of the number of dogs under your porch times the average height in angstroms of the the midgets used in the movie The Wizard of Oz." Then there is the EZ form which simply states: Send the IRS a check for the amount of money you made last year. And don't use the Post Office because we need the money before Spring Break.

[GJ]

SOLD!

Billy (Da Smorgasbord) be comin' fer y'all Dave.