Dave Barry's Blog

YOGA TRAUMA

The Times is all over it.

TESTING TESTING

Some posts have disappeared. We suspect (1) Global Climate Change and (2) it goes without saying: judi.

Update: Never mind.

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

Asian hermit spider: The arachnid that gets stronger after ejecting its own penis

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder)

WE ARE SO DOOMED

Overall a fifth of Brits - 21% - have used AI for help in changing a lightbulb

(Thanks to Annette)

SO IF YOU WANT TO BE A SCIENTIST, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

Scientists discover intriguing benefit of having sex right before bedtime

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SOUNDS SAFE!

Ditch the subway and ride through NYC in a motorized lawn chair

(Thanks to Ralph)

OPOSSUMS ARE BASICALLY MUTANT SQUIRRELS

Resident Amber Ballantyne, said her roommate had just ordered from a Shawarma restaurant in the area. When the food arrived, she popped outside to grab the order. Inside the paper bag, nestled among the takeout containers, was a wild opossum.

(Thanks to Carlos Montage, who says "Who ordered the opossum?")

BECAUSE WE NEED MORE MICE

Low sex drive? This diet boosted libido in mice so much that elderly ones had more kids

(Thanks to phamaross, who says "I tried the mouse libido diet. There's no more desire for sex, but I've got non-stop cravings for grilled cheese sandwiches.")

AND IN REALLY STUPID SPORTS

Egyptian diver breaks world record for underwater pull-ups in Red Sea

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOMEBODY'S HAVING A BARBECUE

80,000 pounds of beef stolen from Bean Station meat processing facility

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

2 arrested while putting air in tires during police chase

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

WE'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE, AND IT DOES NOT END WELL

‘Spare’ human bodies grown in artificial wombs in lab as scientists insist ‘bodyoids’ feel no pain & can serve as ‘MEAT’

(Thanks to Annette, Barry Nester and Richard Shehane, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

WHOA

A 66-year-old woman in Germany gave birth to her 10th child on March 19.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

'OH, I COULD NEVER GO TO HOOTERS, MY WIFE WOULD KILL ME'

Hooters will institute a ‘re-Hooterization’ with a big change to restaurants

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

Third Pooping Incident in Line at Guardians of the Galaxy Attraction Causes Closure

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE GOALS

Keep vaping or your Tamagotchi dies. Introducing the latest vape invention in New York

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Men love boobs — but why?

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mezrap)

WE ALL KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

Raccoons impede attempts to capture Wis. zoo's escaped otters

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SUMMER VACATION TRAVEL TIPS

I honestly don't have any.

FRANCE ETC.

Sue, who lives near Newquay, in Cornwall, said her upstairs bathroom "collapsed" when the military training device tore through her roof, pierced a wall, and destroyed her toilet.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE WORD IS ‘HERO’

Plumber returns to re-clog pipe after restaurant refuses to pay bill

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

'Incredibly Skilled' Snake Slithers into Homeowner's Oven and Makes Itself 'Comfortable'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: YARNTON

Locals flushed with confusion as mystery gold toilet appears

(Thanks to Actual Name)

CSI: EW

Delhi’s infamous ’Potty Badmash’, a 27-year-old knifer and pickpocket who evaded arrest on multiple occasions by defecating in his pants to keep police personnel off him, has finally landed in police net, an official said on Wednesday.

(Thanks to Actual Names)

FRANCE ON HIGHEST POSSIBLE ALERT

Fungus-infected ‘zombie spiders’ have invaded London

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

DO *ANY* FLIGHTS ACTUALLY REACH THEIR DESTINATIONS THESE DAYS?

Air France flight turns back after passenger loses phone

(Thanks to Jim Perth and pharmaross)

STAY CLASSY, JERSEY

NJ police chief accused of pooping by desks, spiking coffee with Viagra

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Unholy Slacker)

WAIT... THE *OWNER* ATE THEM?

Dog owner left with $13k vet bill after eating five pairs of Skims underwear

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR METALLICA

Psycho seagulls set to make life hell for Brits as nesting season has begun

(Thanks to Ralph)

TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL BENEFIT CONCERT

The McBarge, a former floating McDonald’s, is sinking into the Fraser River

(Thanks to Carlos Montage)

IT'S A TRICK

Squirrels could be the key to getting us into deep space

(Thanks to Carlos Montage and pharmaross)

NEVER LEND YOUR CAR TO A SQUIRREL

A squirrel caused $1,000 in car damage.

(Thanks to Gregory Snow)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A MOUNTAIN-LION SUIT

Mountain lion caught on camera peeking through pet door in California

(Thanks to MOTW)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Japanese restaurant chain apologises after rat found floating in miso soup

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

North Carolina man dons bear costume to scare off persistent real-life black bear

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DO *NOT* FALL OUT OF THE BOAT

Brisbane 2032 Olympic rowing may be held in saltwater crocodile habitat

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Tatted up Florida man found with meth hidden in his underwear tells cops ‘there’s nothing wrong with drugs’

(Thanks to Mezrap and pharmaross)

'IT'S A WHOLE NEW KETTLE OF FISH BECAUSE IT'S ON YOUR FACE'

The sudden, surprising rise of beard transplants: ‘This industry is a wild west’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

'Shining anus' volcano in Tonga coughs up cloud of smoke during recent eruption

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder and Ralph)

URGENT ADVISORY FOR MEN:

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

New scientific study shows you’re smarter after you just pooped

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Update: OK, it turns out we blogged an item about this several days ago. We're conducting an investigation to determine how this happened, although we all know there are only two possible explanations:

1. judi.
2. Global Climate Change.

AND IN SPORTS

Man Pulls Down Pants, Moons Camera

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

EVERYBODY GET INDOORS

Space Tornadoes Are Swirling Around the Milky Way's Core

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHY THE DONKEY HAD MINTS, WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Police wrangle loose donkey with mints

(Thanks to John Lobert, who is not saying that "Loose Donkey With Mints" WBAGNFARB.)

PRIORITIES

A Palm Beach woman struck a bicyclist, then continued on to a country club where she turned over her Mercedes to a valet and took a golf lesson.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE

Man Requires Medical Attention After Getting Girlfriend’s Hand Stuck in His Mouth

(Thanks to MOTW and Ralph)

 

'A GIANT U-TURN'

United flight forced to divert after pilot realises they forgot their passport

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

CSI: HORRY COUNTY

Goat opens gate, lets kangaroo loose in South Carolina

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "And we know who put both of them up to it.")

WE ARE APPROACHING PEAK FLORIDA LIFESTYLE

Waffle House opens golf cart accessible location near The Villages

(Thanks to Rick Day)

FINALLY

A mysterious black hump filmed “rising and falling” is believed by an enthusiast to be the Loch Ness Monster, finally caught on camera.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert, who says "clear and convincing evidence.")