Dave Barry's Blog

STRUMPDATE

I have a memoir, “Class Clown,” coming out in May. It tells the heartwarming story of how I went from being a random wiseass nobody ever heard of to a famous humor writer that a lot of people still have never heard of. If you pre-order a copy, I’ll sign your book and, if you’d like, even personalize it. “Class Clown” is the perfect gift for anybody you know who enjoys humor or, for whatever reason, simply likes rectangular objects. You can order your copy here.

BLUE ONES ARE STILL LEGAL

Swiss Politician Fined For Buying Pink Water Pistols Online

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DITTO FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE

Don't Have Surgery On A Friday – You're More Likely To Die, Study Shows

(Thanks to B&C)

'HE BELIEVED A DEMONIC SPIRIT HAD INVADED THE CABIN'

Passenger Swallows Rosary Beads on Chaotic Flight to Miami

(Thanks to Steve K. and Richard Alexander)

ANYTHING OVER A 2-YEAR-OLD IS A FELONY

Haul of meth weighing as much as a 3-year-old found during Beaver traffic stop

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who asks "Why are they stopping beavers?")

BOFFINS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS

A poo and pee 'conveyor belt' from whales is great for the world, boffins say

(Thanks to Annette)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man found with live turtle hidden in his trousers by airport security

(Thanks to Ron Wylie, Janice Gelb, pharmaross, Richard Alexander and ubetcha)

Wait... Are they saying the turtle was hidden in this man's trousers by airport security?

'HE POKED A LITTLE TOO DEEP'

A man needed serious emergency surgery after he severed his facial artery while picking his nose.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

TOUGH BUT FAIR

4-year-old boy calls 911 on his mom for eating his ice cream: ‘Come get my mommy’

(Thanks to Ralph, Ron T, EricY, Nelson from Michigan, The Perts and Alan West)