Dave Barry's Blog

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

‘Thou shalt not steal’ painting stolen from village church

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WHEREAS WE HAVE SORORITIES

Pompeii had a secret CULT for 'raving, intoxicated women', archaeologists say

(Thanks to Ron T)

TRYING TO GET A POTHOLE FIXED?

Here's an idea.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and Ralph)

IT HAS RETAINED LEGAL COUNSEL

Trespassing turkey removed from Michigan medical facility for blocking entrance

(Thanks to Geoffrey Scott)

TRILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY

The US bank Citigroup credited a client’s account with $81tn when it meant to send $280 – before the “fat finger” error was caught.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

IT GETS LONELY UP THERE

NASA astronaut caught with his pants down performing bizarre act on ISS

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

This is a ludicrously overhyped headline, as you’ll see if you read the story.

SO MUCH FOR THE BELGIAN BILL OF RIGHTS, ASSUMING THERE IS ONE

Belgians furious after centuries old custom of drinking live fish is banned

(Thanks to Ralph)

UH-OH

Humanoid robot dragged away after ‘attacking’ crowd of people at festival

(Thanks to Ralph)

JUST DON'T ORDER A BLT

A Cafe in Tokyo Where Visitors Can Hang Out With Adorable Miniature Pigs

(Thanks to MOTW)

TO CLARIFY: IT'S A DRAWING, NOT AN ACTUAL PENIS

School tries to cover huge 65 foot penis on roof that is visible from space

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

EVERYBODY'S HURTING

Tooth fairy payouts drop to lowest rate in years

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

ARE HAIR TRANSPLANTS TO THE PUBIC REGION POSSIBLE?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Fisherman horrified after catching baffling ‘alien’ animal from the ocean depths

(Thanks to B&C)

AIRLINE SAFETY

Try not to think about it.

YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

Metro Atlanta Whataburger employee allegedly swiped customer’s card to pay probation fees

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

POLICE HAVE NOTHING ETC.

Surveillance video released of 2019 heist showing burglars getting away with solid gold toilet

(Thanks to RonT and Rick Day)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Man found to have stashed $10,000 worth of cocaine under his toupee

(Thanks to Geoffrey Scott, Ron Wylie and Rick Day)

MEN WITH POWER DRILLS:

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

World's largest cheese fondue cooked up in France

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Now Germany's on high alert.")

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

Rover finds evidence of 'vacation-style' beaches on Mars

(Thanks to B&C)

ATTENTION, IDIOTS:

Fyre Festival 2 tickets go on sale today

(Thanks to The Perts)

NEW JERSEY CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the New Jersey Crime Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT CAN'T HURT

Passenger boarding Florida-bound flight rubs blessed oil on plane amid recent flight incidents

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Cattle producer wakes to find olive python eating her bra and shirt

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

New research by lingerie experts Pour Moi has revealed how your choice in underwear could make or break your dating success.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

AND IN SPORTS

Hockey Commentator Takes A Puck To The Face During Live Broadcast

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

‘Cambridge turd’ joins protest over plans to close city centre toilets

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CSI: DOLWYDDELAN

Mysterious puddings are being dumped on a roadside

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

WE HESITATE TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD ONE

New scorpion wrangling club holds first meeting

(Thanks to Ralph)

SURE IT COULD!

Orlando could start to resemble 'The Jetsons' with flying cars from airport site as soon as 2028

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Bob Brogan)

THE RUDENESS RANKINGS

In defense (sort of) of Miami.

CARDINAL OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Cardinal of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

AND IN SPORTS INVOLVING POOL NOODLES AND BEER

The Florida Man Games are back.

Official website here.

(Thanks to rick Day)

WHAT A DOORBELL CAMERA WAS DOING UP THERE WITH A METEORITE WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Rare footage captures meteorite descending to Earth on doorbell camera

(Thanks to Rick Day)

'SPLATTERED WITH ANIMAL BONES AND POO'

Our village is held hostage by psycho seagulls dropping bones from sky in scenes straight out of a Hitchcock horror film

(Thanks to Annette)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Goat rescued from fifth floor window ledge

(Thanks to RonT)

BOLO

Vulture that 'loves people' escapes nature show in Georgia

(Thanks to MOTW)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Polk County woman accused of attacking man with garden hoe after plans to 'hang out' fell through

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

The world’s first sewing machine orchestra takes Munich

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Hooters prepares to file for bankruptcy amid declining foot traffic

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SO NO PIANO

This £235,000 home squeezed into an alleyway is just 91cm wide

(Thanks to Ralph)

'SPEAKING UP FOR THE SMALL AND THE SILENT'

‘STOP BLOWING FISH’: Animal rights activists slam bar for holding goldfish races

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

ACTUALLY, THAT'S EVERY DAY

Today is National Margarita Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA: THE CARING STATE

Collier County resident steps in to help alligator with football stuck in its mouth

(Thanks to Ralph)

SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH? THE ROAD?

Stellantis says it won't launch self-driving system right now that would let you watch movies

(Thanks to pharmaross, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

A Conservative chief whip has sensationally claimed a senior advisor to the party attended an orgy and defecated on someone's head.

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

YOU'RE NOT SAFE ANYWHERE

Venomous creature found curled up in bananas at New Hampshire grocery store.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

QR-Code Stickers Mysteriously Appear On 1,000 Munich Graves

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ATTENTION, FANS OF MISTER LANGUAGE PERSON:

Gene Weingarten, who is my good friend and former editor and a complete lunatic, is running a contest on his Substack challenging folks to emulate Mister Language Person. I'll be helping with the judging. There are prizes! I think!

STAND TALL, MIAMI

The rudest U.S. cities in 2025

(Thanks to pharmaross)