« January 2025 | Main

February 11, 2025

CSI: KOKOMO

Stellantis Poop Bandit Wreaks Havoc At Engine Plant

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

Not to be nitpicky, but: Wouldn't a "poop bandit" steal poop?

'A LOCAL RESTAURANT MIGHT BE SHORT ON UTENSILS TONIGHT'

Thousands of chopsticks spill onto California highway

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Battery-operated socks linked to Burke Mountain Hotel fire

(Thanks to Annette)

EL CAR WASH

Here's my investigative report.

February 10, 2025

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Hong Kong patient finds gauze in scrotum 2 months after operation

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "In keeping with the elevated journalistic standards of this blog, I will not call attention to the reporter's last name." To which this blog replies: Thank you.)

FOR A MERE 18 GRAND

The Louis Vuitton lobster bag.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE CAN'T HAVE AN UNPERMITTED BUSKING

Ed Sheeran took to a busy street in southern India this weekend to surprise fans with a live performance but police soon swooped and pulled the plug on the British singer, saying he hadn’t received permission.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

A "large" sewer blockage caused by "fat, grease and rags" has forced the cancellation of a Bryan Adams concert in Australia on public health grounds.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, Jay Brandes and Doug Ogg)

THE WORD IS 'HERO'

Man secretly outbids his in-laws to avoid having them as neighbors

(Thanks to Rick Day)

February 09, 2025

SUPER BOWL MXVLLVXXIII

Enjoy it, blog people. Go team!

TERRORISM UPDATE

Sri Lanka Faces Islandwide Blackouts Due to Monkey Clash

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who says "We know who egged them on.")

(Also obviously Monkey Clash WBAGNFARB.)

TRAGICALLY, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

17 members of feuding MILF groups arrested

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

TOTALLY NORMAL!

'I've collected 30,000 stands of my hair – I keep count in a notebook and won't stop'

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "The excitement is palpable.")

YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T?

Vikings believed a goat dispensing endless beer from its udders awaited them in heaven

(Thanks to Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

10:47 p.m. During an altercation over a loose dog, someone told the neighbor to put their “fingers in unadvisable places.”

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and pharmaross)

HARD TO ARGUE

Massive moose made in snow with meticulous footprints 'very Canadian,' says artist

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Very artistic, eh?")

February 08, 2025

IN MIAMI WE CALL THIS 'PARALLEL PARKING'

A driver lost control of their SUV in a grocery store parking lot in The Woodlands Wednesday afternoon, ending up on its side and wedged between two other vehicles.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth, who says "She has a Texas drivers license, which should be transferable to Florida.") (Also thanks to David Benson)

WHY THE PORCH PIRATES WERE IN HER BATHROBE, WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Calgary woman fends off porch pirates in her bathrobe

(Thanks to B&C)

HEADLINE WRITERS LIVE FOR THIS*

500+ eggs whisked away during Seattle breakfast heist, police scramble to crack case

(Thanks to Ralph)

*Doo-dah, doo-dah

BUT DID THE BEAVERS HAVE A PERMIT?

Government Scraps Construction Project After Beavers Finish The Job Themselves

(Thanks to Ron Wylie, who says "Send this beaver...")

Another version: Beavers Take 2 Days to Build Dams The Government Had Been Planning for 7 Years

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who says "Send them to Washington?")

WITH AN ENORMOUS BUT VALID WATERPROOF DRIVER'S LICENSE

Largest shark ever tagged by research group swimming off the Florida coast

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, Jay Brandes, Barry Nester, pharmaross and EricY)

'THE SHIRLEY TEMPLE KING'

Leo Kelly is an 11-year-old beverage critic, and he already has the power to change restaurant menus.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

February 07, 2025

JUST PRETZELS FOR US, THANKS

Smuggled live beetles found stashed inside Japanese snacks at LAX, officials say

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and klezmerphan)

'HELLO, HOUSEKEEPING?'

Seal found napping on floor of hotel room

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Always the last place you look.")

'WE ARE AWARE THAT THIS IS A DIFFICULT RULE'

Furries warned not to abuse other ‘species’ at Glasgow event

(Thanks to Ralph)

GET INDOORS *NOW*

Your odds of being hit by a piece of space junk are higher than you'd think

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE SUPER BOWL

Here's all you need to know.

SEND HIM TO... NEVER MIND

This Japanese man earned $80,000 a year from ‘doing nothing’

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "He must be a humor writer.")

SUDDENLY WE HAVE ALL THIS FREE TIME

National Poo Museum shuts for year to go on tour

(Thanks to Ralph)

PLAN ACCORDINGLY, CALIFORNIANS

Part of California is shifting toward the ocean at 4 inches per week

(Thanks to Ron Wylie, who says "I would call that racing toward the ocean, in plate tectonic terms.")

February 06, 2025

THIS BLOG IS A BELIEVER

Devoted nap-takers explain the benefits of sleeping on the job

(Thanks to The Perts)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Banana arrested after confronting lobster in downtown Athens

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Ralph)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS THE CONTINENT IN WHICH THIS PROPERTY IS LOCATED

Reptile wrangler removes 102 venomous snakes from a single property

(Thanks to MOTW)

BEAVERS SEEM TO BE IN THE NEWS A LOT LATELY

Great beaver snatch as famous explorer accuses neighbours of kidnapping critters

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Ralph)

WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN

A Wisconsin woman stabbed her boyfriend in the neck after getting into an argument with her future mother-in-law over the couple’s wedding venue, authorities said.

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Eye-tracking study reveals where women and men look when viewing a female butt

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CLEANUP ON AISLE SIX

M&S shopper left covered in faeces and sewage when toilet pipe explodes in store

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NEWS FROM THE ART WORLD

A giant butt appeared on the Nelson-Atkins' snowy lawn.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

SEEMS LEGIT

‘Time Traveler’ From The Year 2671 Issues Several Dire Warnings For 2025

(Thanks to pharmaross)

February 05, 2025

'I THINK IT'S A LITTLE PROBLEMATIC THAT WE'RE MAKING IT A CRIME'

MN senator wants to make it legal to eat beavers again

(Thanks to Ralph, Allen at Division and pharmaross)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BONOBOS

Bonobos recognize when humans are ignorant, try to help

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet and Alkali Bill)

THANKS, RESEARCHERS!

Researchers say there’s a 1.3 percent chance that the space rock 2024 YR4 could strike our planet — but not until December 2032.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "THERE IS NO Reason to PANIC. At least not about Social Security.") 

KIOSKS:

Bad? Or What?

OTHER THAN THAT, TOTALLY QUALIFIED

Swimming teacher drank wine from the bottle before lesson and fell over in pool

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

KNOW BEFORE YOU GO

Foreigners Demand More Public Toilets After Phuket Urination Controversy

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

February 04, 2025

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS THE STATE

Stripper, 22, Busted For Banana Battery At 7-Eleven Store

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

ATTENTION, ROMANTICS:

As a public service to your readers who have a person in their lives who will be very unhappy if someone forgets about Valentine’s Day, this article could help them avoid getting into hot water, so speak.  Of course, the type of person who actually finds the article interesting probably has a Canadian girlfriend.

--- Dr. Pangloss

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER...

...for Bionic Pancreas!

(Thanks to wiredog)

WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO COMMENT ON THIS

Women speak 3,000 more words daily than men during midlife, study shows

AND IN SPORTS

German Hunters Bellow Like Stags At National Deer Calling Championship

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "France just left the continent altogether.")

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise