Dave Barry's Blog

'SUSPECTED'

A man was suspected of driving under the influence when he crashed a pickup truck into a liquor store in Florida on Thursday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS FLATHEAD COUNTY, SO IT SOUNDS LEGIT

12:13 p.m. A man was convinced that “agents of the deep state” are entering his apartment through a hidden closet entrance and have re-arranged his shirts and broken his air rifle. He then threatened utilizing the “Castle Doctrine” and accused the police officer of being a “deep state prick” before hanging up.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S SOME KIND OF TRICK

Who is posting the squirrel flyers in Seattle?

(Thanks to phamaross)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE A NATIONAL OCEANIC AND ATMOSPHERIC ADMINISTRATION

The U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration released a study analyzing the annual prognostications of weather-predicting groundhogs and found the most famous, Punxsutawney Phil, didn't even crack the top 10.

(Thanks t MOTW, who says "Now we're getting somewhere.")