IT WAS RELEASED AFTER ETC.
Residents discover 10-foot shark swimming in Florida lake
(Thanks to Barry Nester)
January 18, 2025
THIS CALLS FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT
(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)
THIS IS LEGAL IF HE COUNSELS THEM AFTERWARD
Drug Counselor Busted For Selling Crack Cocaine To Undercover Cops
(Thanks to Barry Nester)
January 17, 2025
OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FUN AND FESTIVE FOURTH
JUST WHAT THEY NEED DOWN THERE
Australian scientists discover bigger species of deadly funnel web spiders
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and Suzie Q Wacvet)
WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME
Progresso introduces new chicken noodle soup-flavored hard candy
(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Well, if we can't have flying cars...")
THE ENVELOPE PLEASE....
Scottish toilet crowned UK's Loo of the Year
(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)
TODAY'S LEGAL SPOTLIGHT
Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you Today's Legal Spotlight.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
WE WONDER WHY THEY DIDN'T JUST LOCK THAT DRIVER UP
B.C. Highway Patrol took an impaired driver off the road every 3 hours in December
(Thanks to Al Barkafski)
THAT'S ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE IT
LOOKS DELICIOUS!
New foot-long crustacean named after Darth Vader
(Thanks to Ralph)
January 16, 2025
IT'S SOME KIND OF TRICK
Hand-feeding squirrels accidentally changed their skulls
(Thanks to Annette)
APOCALYPSE UPDATE
Weird Doorknob Licking Trend In Japan
(Thanks to John Lobert)
ART LOVER OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Florida police search for alleged art thief who got away with $21K sculpture by putting it in pants
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who asks "Is that a $21,000 sculpture in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?")
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR
A neighbour was “purposefully” farting at a resident and wanted bylaw to arrest them for harassment.
(Thanks to Barry Nester)
'BROUGHT MY KIDS. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. WOULD COME AGAIN.'
AND IN SPORTS
Italian soccer club fires falconer for posting photos of his penis implant
(Thanks to Steve Thompson, Ron Wylie and Geoffrey Scott, who asks "His, or the falcon's?")
FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT
January 15, 2025
CANADA CONTINUES ITS DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO TOTAL ANARCHY
Woman rescued from West Vancouver trail after bum sliding goes wrong
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
THERE IS ONLY ONE ICONIC VEHICLE, AND THIS IS NOT IT
Planters offers $45K and benefits to drive its iconic NUTmobile
(Thanks to B'game)
SIGH
Flying cars could soon become a reality
(Thanks to David Clausing)
AN ODD PLACE TO PUT IT, BUT WHATEVER
I Found the Secret to Keeping My Toilet Stain-Free in My Kitchen
(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I hope it matches the appliances.")
WE'RE DYING TO KNOW
(Thanks to pharmaross)
January 14, 2025
CANADIAN CUISINE UPDATE:
(Thanks to Laura in Canada, who asks "Who is buying this stuff?")
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
'I make face masks out of my own poo - it leaves my skin looking radiant'
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
NOBEL PRIZE ALERT
Electronic Spoon Adds Salty Taste To Your Food, With No Actual Salt
(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Still no flying cars.")
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE WILD COYOTE SECTION
FLORIDA: STATE OF CULTURE
A Florida museum gathered 468 people in dinosaur costumes to break a Guinness World Record.
(Thanks to John Lobert, pharmaross and MOTW)
WORSE THAN PINEAPPLE?
Pizza Hut China releases pizza topped with fried whole frog
(Thanks to Ron Wylie)
FINALLY, SOMEBODY IS DOING SOMETHING
POLICE HAVE NOTHING ETC.
Thieves drive off with 13 portable toilets in overnight raid
(Thanks to pharmaross)
January 13, 2025
WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE SPAGHETTI
Ikea superfan wins giant meatball that weighs 5kg and is big enough to feed 25 people
(Thanks to John Lobert)
WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS
Sony PlayStation is adding smell—yes, you read that right—to its games
(Thanks to John Lobert)
THIS IS *EVERY* DAY, EVEN ON THE DAYS WHEN SHE'S FIRED
Dear Dave,
The mysterious but ever-faithful judi has responded to my multiple emails over the years and she's always been friendly and responsive when asked questions about autographs and so forth. Assuming you rehire her several times, please consider featuring an annual "judi Appreciation Day" - and give her a big fat raise too. I'm certain this event would generate a lot of comments, assuming they are restored.
Your fan and friend,
Alan West
FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT
People stumped after tomatoes left on Dublin bridge in bizarre trend
(Thanks to Ralph)
THEY ALL POSSESS TINY BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES
TESTING TESTING
Are the comments working? That is the question.
HE'S A MAN OF GOD, SO THIS MUST BE LEGIT
Mary Who Gave Birth To Jesus Is From Ghana, She Had Big Buttocks- Man Of God Reveals
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
OOPS
Woman arrested after accidentally texting sheriff’s department instead of drug dealer
(Thanks to pharmaross)
WHY IS WHY THEY KEEP MISSING THEIR FLIGHTS
"Time is an illusion" and doesn't exist as we know it, according to many physicists
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
January 12, 2025
TO PROTECT AND SERVE FLORIDA
Florida cop slams into motorist while watching porn
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and pharmaross)
CLEAR AS DAY
Mysterious 20ft-long object spotted in Loch Ness thrills monster-hunters
(Thanks to John Lobert, Allen at Division and Emily, Leslie and w, all of whom say some version of "Glad THAT'S settled!")
THE COMMENTS
The problem (if we understand it correctly) (which we admit is unlikely) is that the TypePad account we use was opened roughly four million years ago by somebody (we don't know who) at the Miami Herald who is probably no longer there, and to fix the comments we need to log in to the Owner account, but nobody knows how to do that. We're working on straightening it out. We apologize to those of you who would like to comment and cannot. If your comments are backing up internally, maybe you should go outside and release them. Do not do this in a populated place, lest you be arrested. ("The suspect was observed in the supermarket produce department allegedly approaching shoppers and informing them that 'Artichoke Bottoms' would be a good name for a rock band.")
Judi has been fired several times.
January 11, 2025
CSI: MULBERRY, FLORIDA
Detectives are referring to the couple as “Mr. Clean” and “Ms. Dookie” until an arrest is made.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
POWER DOWN, PEOPLE
Remote sex toys ‘could be weaponised against users’
(Thanks to Charles Cates)
Possibly Related: Sexy life-size AI robot that talks, expresses emotion can be your girlfriend for a hefty price: ‘It remembers who you are’
(Thanks to pharmaross and Michael Parry)
SO THE SNOWMAN WAS WALKING WITH HIS GRANDCHILDREN?
Local 'absolutely disgusted' after spotting obscene snowman on walk with grandchildren
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
SO.... IT'S NOT A 'FLYING CAR'
January 10, 2025
O THE HUMANITY
AT THE MOMENT IT'S 'JUST A CONCEPT'
'World first' flying motorbike could let you fly solo at 60mph
(Thanks to Ron Wylie)