Dave Barry's Blog

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

The race car powered by sewage has been developed in the UK and is aiming to break a few land speed records.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THANK YOU, ARKANSAS

AGFC takes second shot at 2025 Umarex Big Squirrel Challenge

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Mark your calendar.")

'SLEUTH'

Google Earth sleuth thinks they’ve found a face in Antarctica

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Pretty darn convincing, if you ask me.")

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT (FOR ME, ANYWAY)

So I’m starting a Substack. In these fraught times, we need a trustworthy source of reliable information, and my Substack will definitely not be it. I don’t even really know what “fraught” means. But I hope you will be amused. Here's the link.

I plan to keep the blog, at least for now; as I explain in the Substack, I'll be doing more writing there, and more interacting with readers. At least that's my plan. 

PRACTICAL!

POWERING A CAR WITH AN ENGINE MADE FROM 50 CORDLESS DRILLS

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks "Is there a Nobel Prize for Guys in Action?")

NAH

PETA petitions to replace Punxsutawney Phil with ‘weather reveal’ vegan cake on Groundhog Day

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Man caught driving over 130 mph said he wanted to get home to see his cat, police say

(Thanks to Ann Farr)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

An Iowa lawmaker filed a bill to stop people from petting sharks.

(Thanks to James Fitzwilliam)

WE LIVE IN WONDROUS TIMES

The bot offered up recipes for cooking meth and recommended cow's eggs as a nutritious food source, among other fumbles.

(Thanks to Edmond Orignac)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Scottish People Use AI to Trick Tourists Into Thinking Haggis is a Real Animal

(Thanks to Ralph)

CLEAR AS DAY

Best proof of the Loch Ness Monster yet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE NEED STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

An ex-con is locked up without bond for an alleged bologna sandwich battery, Florida police report.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

OR NOT

Loch Ness Monster mystery may finally be SOLVED...thanks to Prince William!

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

IT ALSO HAS A VALID DRIVER'S LICENSE

The World’s Oldest Anus Has an Unexplained Glow in Florida

(Thanks to Ralph)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Woman in court for aggressively farting at her boyfriend’s ex

(Thanks to Jim Perth, Unholy Slacker and Mezrap)

FOR NO GOOD REASON

Here's a site that lets you listen to any radio station in the world.

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Big duck explodes on Glasgow street as locals left fuming at mess

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Drone vs. RoboDog

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

ENOUGH TO LAST NEARLY HALF THE WEEKEND

$91M of cocaine seized by U.S. Coast Guard offloaded in South Florida

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALERT LEVEL: MAXIMUM

Wearing your underwear outside is the new luxury in Paris

(Thanks to pharmaross)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Pennsylvania flood museum temporarily closed due to flooding

(Thanks to Richard Alexander)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

'Shrimp fraud' rampant at many Gulf Coast restaurants, new studies find

(Thanks to MOTW)

BAD FU ZAI!

China’s first corgi police dog, Fu Zai, had its year-end bonus docked after it was caught sleeping on the job and peeing in its own basin.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

IT'S WHY WE CARRY UMBRELLAS DOWN HERE

Cold-stunned iguana tumbles from Miami tree during arctic blast

(Thanks to EricY)

FLORIDA EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Florida principal charged after booze-filled party with 100 teens thrown at her home

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SO WITH PRACTICE, YOU CAN USE THEM TO BREATHE UNDERWATER

Our outer ears may have come from ancient fish gills, scientists discover

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOBODY TELL OREGON

Dead humpback whale washes ashore

(Thanks to Ralph)

SPORTS UPDATE

Who do we want to win the Super Bowl? E-L-G-S-E-S!

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'VE ALL MADE THIS MISTAKE

UK navy mistook farting whale for phantom Russians trying to track their nuclear subs

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Alligator-like reptile relocated after being discovered in Toronto home

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Prehistoric 66-million-year-old Vomit Found In Denmark

(Thanks to Annette, Al Barkafski, Geoffrey Scott, Steven Pudlo and Jim Kenaston)

LUCY

We had to let Lucy go today. We didn't want to -- you never want to -- but it was time, and she let us know, the way old dogs let you know.

She was the best dog. I know people always say that about their dogs, but she was. She loved everybody she met. But above all she loved us, and right to the end, when she could barely stand, she'd manage to hobble and lurch her way to wherever in the house we happened to be, so she could be with us.

We had her almost 17 years. She was the soul of our house. There's no place I can look and not see her. So I guess she's still with us in a way, and that's a kind of comfort. But right now my heart is breaking.

Goodbye, girl. I love you.

AS THE KIDS SAY, FAFO

Boy Scolded for Not Doing Homework Reports His Father for Drug Use

(Thanks to MOTW)

IT ISN'T REAL YET, EITHER

Skyrider X1 Shows The Flying Motorcycle Dream Isn’t Dead Yet

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

SO MUCH FOR THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

Man gets year in jail for flinging fish and carrots in Lincoln DMV

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT'S STILL LEGALLY REGISTERED IN FLORIDA

Harvard University-affiliated astronomers announced the discovery of a new asteroid zooming precariously close to Earth — only to learn it was actually a Tesla sports car launched by Elon Musk as a publicity stunt seven years ago, scientists said Friday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE YEAR SO FAR

Alabama woman gives birth at Krispy Kreme during snowstorm, gets a year of free doughnuts

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

A WEARY NATION CAN FINALLY RELAX

Last 4 Monkeys That Escaped in South Carolina Are Captured

(Thanks to wiredog and The Perts)

WE ASKED AI, AND IT ASSURED US THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE

AI can now replicate itself — a milestone that has experts terrified

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOUNDS SCIENTIFIC!

SCIENTISTS SUGGEST ELECTROCUTING YOURSELF AT THE GYM TO GET JACKED

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

SOUNDS... FILLING

Chocolate glazed donut stout is a real drink created by local brewery, donut shop

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

'MAY'

Loch Ness Monster mystery may finally be SOLVED

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHERE

Snake catcher takes barbecue apart to remove large python

Shark takes a big bite out of surfer's board

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CANADA CONTINUES ITS DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO TOTAL ANARCHY

Man's Penis Sticks to Icy Sidewalk

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

WHO ARE WE TO ARGUE WITH AN EXPERT?

The obesity expert who doesn’t believe in diets – and says we should exercise less

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

Rats in New York City have lost their libido in the cold weather and are having less sex

(Thanks to Ralph)

A FLORIDA DRIVER-TRAINING CERTIFICATE IS ON THE WAY

Osaka woman causes 8 separate traffic accidents in 35 minutes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Ice marathon runner dons polar bear suit, breaks world record

(Thanks to John Lobert)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man uses flame thrower to melt ice on Georgia street

(Thanks to The Perts)