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December 21, 2024

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Alleged Assault With A Cooked Turkey

(Thanks to Ralph)

December 20, 2024

THEY ALSO MAKE GREAT PETS

New study finds sperm in blowfly maggots can crack crime scenes

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS AN UNEVENTFUL FLIGHT

UK-bound flight sees man bite neck, someone pull own tooth out and 'blood everywhere'

(Thanks to Annette)

CSI: BELTZHOOVER

Two Pittsburgh Public Works employees are facing a disciplinary investigation and disorderly conduct citations after a woman says she was mooned by them Thursday morning in McKinley Park the city’s Beltzhoover neighborhood.

“Right there, their bums were facing that way, but pants down, bent over right here,” Zellars said, demonstrating what happened.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

A Mouse Was Created Using Genes From An Ancient Single-Celled Organism And Displays Unique Physical Traits Not Seen In Other Mice

(Thanks to ubetcha)

THIS CANNOT BE GOOD

New Research Shows AI Strategically Lying

(Thanks to Steve K, who says "Send it to... no, wait, it's already in Washington.") 

TERRORISM UPDATE

Minnesota Man Severely Burned When Heated Insoles from China Explode in Boot

(Thanks to Terry in Bedford)

MEN:

Do not click here.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Steve Thompson)

THE MOOD IN SOUTH FLORIDA

Down here we're ready to face the day.

IMG_0009

BUT WHY?

Chicken gets her own hi-vis jacket to help cross the road

(Thanks to Ralph)

FYI

Here's What You Should Know Before Having Sex In Front Of Your Dog

(Thanks toi Ron Wylie)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Scientists Built a Lollipop That Lets You Taste Movies

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

December 19, 2024

JUST AS WE HAVE LONG SUSPECTED

The moon may be more than 100 million years older than previously thought, study finds

(Thanks to EricY and B&C)

NARROWLY EDGING OUT THE REMAINDERS

Study Finds Pink Floyd Are the Most Popular Rock Band Tattoo

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

PIPE DOWN, NEW JERSEY

The loudest states in America revealed

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST

A ‘mosh pit diaper’ designed to help concertgoers avoid long trips to the loo has sold out within minutes.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

New York man finds mastodon jaw while gardening in his backyard

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

THEY SHOULD BE COOKED BY NOW

Restaurant Has Been Frying Burgers in the Same Grease for Over 100 Years

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOME OF US DID IT FOR FREE

Oscar Meyer will pay you $35,000 a year—plus health benefits, free hotel stays, and a weekly allowance—to drive the Weinermobile around the country

Wienermobile copy 2(Thanks to Nancy Coan and Ron Wylie)

WISCONSIN COURT REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Wisconsin Court Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

December 18, 2024

HO HO HO NO

Christmas decorations could harbour FIVE TIMES as many germs as toilet seats

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DUH

Are Americans Getting Dumber?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU BURP

Space beer may taste better than Earth beer

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Japan now has fish-shaped soy sauce bottle hand cream

(Thanks to Rick Stevenson)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Can You Start a Lawnmower with a Cannonball?

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says it's "a question we have all asked.") 

UH-OH

Scientists stunned after observing ‘carnivorous’ squirrels eating voles

(Thanks to Mary Smith, Linda Schutjer, Debbie in the Hague, Mezrap, Jairus Coppersmith and Tom Hatley)

'MY MOM AND I WOULD EVEN ASK FOR THE BRAIN IN A SQUIRREL. DELICIOUS. SERIOUSLY.'

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says raccoon, squirrel are among dietary preferences

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ron Wylie)

THEY'RE GETTING THE HANG OF CAPITALISM

Russian entrepreneurs looking to make a quick buck have started selling twigs online, marketing them as “perfect snowman arms” and asking for up to 5,300 rubles ($50) per pair.

(Thanks to Ralph)

DEPARTMENT OF ARTICLES WE ELECTED NOT TO READ

What Ancient Romans Used Instead of Toilet Paper

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Robotic rat with real animal odor uses AI to befriend live rats

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHO'S 'US?'

Alcohol is not good for us.

(Thanks to Ron T)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Santa Claus and Grinch street performers arrested after fighting over tips

(Thanks to pharmaross and Doug Ogg)

December 17, 2024

IT FINISHED NUMBER ONE

Jockey hangs on for win after horse jumps a puddle of pee

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOON TO BE A HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIE

Canton woman reunited with lost emotional support python after winter crash

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

Pit Bull Takes Over Mom's Zoom Call with Super Urgent Bone Report

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Send this dog to Washington.")

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Ohio Court Makes It Official: 'Boneless' Chicken Wings Can Legally Contain Bones

(Thanks to Terry in Bedford)

SOUNDS FESTIVE!

Dying Fetus and Cradle Of Filth will Co-Headline the Chaos and Carnage Tour 2025 with Fleshgod Apocalypse, Ne Obliviscaris, Undeath, Vomit Forth and Corpse Pile

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE ASSUME IT WAS A CONSENTING KOALA

Sandi Toksvig: Doctors thought I got chlamydia from a koala bear in Australia when I had pneumonia

(Thanks to Jairus Coppersmith)

A NEW LOW IN AIRPORT FOOD

Snake wrangler Adam Furstenberg retrieves 1m dugite from Perth’s DFO food court

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IF THEY CONFIRMED THEM, ARE THEY STILL UNKNOWN?

Scientists Just Confirmed the Presence of Unknown Physics in Our Universe

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

APPARENTLY PIGS GO TO MEXICO FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Horrible stench caused by 100 PIGS forces holiday flight to Mexico to land so passengers can get fresh air

(Tanks to Doug Ogg, pharmaross and Robert Moats)

WE BLAME THE TREE

WOMAN IS CONVINCED SOMEONE STOLE CHRISTMAS TREE FROM DRIVEWAY, SHE ACTUALLY DROVE OVER IT, DRAGGED INTO GARAGE

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY NEED SMALLER HANDCUFFS

'Injured' falcon gets loose inside officer's patrol car in Arizona

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS

Martial artists break dangerous record involving cucumber, chainsaw, blindfold

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Attention Olympics committee.")

December 16, 2024

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

UK pubs running out of Guinness amid national shortage

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who asks "Where is the U.N.?")

WE CERTAINLY HOPE NOT

Could mouse sperm orbiting Earth be the future of humanity?

(Thanks to EricY)

A WATERPROOF FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Car crashes into 24 Hour Fitness in Redlands, ends up in pool

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

SHROOMSAURUS

Giant 5kg mushroom feeds family for a week

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Brussels sprouts will be 25% bigger this year, thanks to silt and sea breezes

(Thanks to wiredog)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

Man tells police he’s a ‘professional drinker’ following multi-vehicle crash

(Thanks to Ralph)

 
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