Dave Barry's Blog

PICKY, PICKY

Virginia man gets more jail time after embezzling funds to pay restitution from previous embezzling case

(Thanks to Carolyn L, who says "Just row this man across the Potomac to Washington.")

DINOSAURS HAD CARS *AND* BULLETS?

Armored dinosaur could withstand the impact of a high-speed car crash, thanks to the 'bulletproof vest' over its plate armor

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE KNEW HIM WELL, ONCE

Elwood Edwards, voice of the ‘You’ve got mail’ AOL email greeting, dies at 74

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

IMAGINE THE STREET VALUE

U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers in Kentucky recently seized a shipment containing dozens of dead bats and birds.

(Thanks to Gregory Snow)

AND IN SPORTS

The 2024 Egg Fair in Mexico broke a Guinness World Record when more than 2,000 young people participated in a race while balancing eggs on spoons.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SHE'LL NEVER GO TO THE BATHROOM AGAIN

South Carolina woman finds python behind her toilet

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Why is it always the last place you look?")

BOLO

43 monkeys on the loose after escaping South Carolina facility

(Thanks to Matt Filar, Alkali Bill, Doug Ogg, Ron Wylie, The Perts and John Lobert, who says "43 Monkeys opened once for the other Monkees.")

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

'Immortal' jellyfish ages backwards and only grows butthole when it needs one

(Thanks to Annette)

THEY'RE ONLY PRETENDING TO TAKE THEM

Grey squirrel control: New study shows promise for effective contraceptive delivery system

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

PEOPLE OF NEW JERSEY:

Stay out of the ocean.

(Thanks to EricY)

WE NEED THESE SIGNS OVER HERE

A signboard in Sweden has gone viral, leaving the internet amused. The sign reads "fart kontrol," which might sound humorous in English, but in Swedish, "fart" simply means speed.

(Thanks to Ralph)