Dave Barry's Blog

SEND WASHINGTON TO THIS TOWN

Saskatchewan, Canada, town can't find anyone to run for mayor

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WAIT... THEY MAKE TOMATOES IN FACTORIES?

Woman left disappointed after ‘Northern Lights-style aurora’ turns out to be local tomato factory

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Ralph)

IT WAS A CONSENTING TROUT

Angler who filmed his wife performing a sex act on a live trout breaks silence

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OOPS

Church accidentally shows porn on big screen in front of kids during singalong

(Thanks to Ralph)

AW

Woman, 23, removes her belly button and gives it to boyfriend as present

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

YOU KNOW WHO TRAINED IT

Bat escapes German zoo by hiding in visitor's jacket

(Thanks to John Lobert)

UH-OH

A 15-foot Burmese python was caught swallowing a “full-sized” deer in Southwest Florida, proving the invasive apex predators are ambushing and eating bigger prey.

(Thanks to pharmaross, Robert Moats and Richard Alexander, who says "A bill was just introduced in the Florida legislature to ban Burmese pythons from all-you-can-eat restaurants. The key to the bill is that "all" includes restaurant staff.")

LIKE, QUACK, DUDE

Court appeal coming for Essex Junction weed and ducks case

(Thanks to Annette)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

A group of Aussie schoolgirls have gone viral after they stormed McDonalds while dressed as Ronald McDonald, causing utter mayhem.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

WITHOUT QUESTION THE GREATEST CANADIAN SPORTS STORY EVER

A Zamboni driver in western Quebec has been arrested on suspicion of impaired driving after a low-speed crash at a hockey rink on Monday.

(Thanks to B&C and Allen at Division)

A WHAT ARTIST?

Nathan Wyburn, a food artist from Cardiff, Wales, was commissioned by Kellanova – formerly Kellogg's – to create three works of art for the Pop (T)Art Gallery Experience, he told news agency SWNS. The gallery will be open in London for two days on Friday and Saturday and will feature various Pop-Tarts-inspired works of art.

(Thanks to EricY)

WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT IT CAN DEFINITELY DRIVE AND VOTE IN FLORIDA

Can an elephant sue to leave a zoo? Colorado’s top court must now decide

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

I DID IT FOR THE STICKER

AND IN NERD SPORTS

Mathematician who spent £2,000,000 to find never-before-seen number wins… £2,000

(Thanks to Rick Day)

NOPE

Would you put a camera in your TOILET? Bizarre AI device attaches to the bowl and analyses the shape, size and structure of your poop for signs of disease

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

UPDATE ON THE CANADIAN GOLDFISH TERROR

B.C. city drains millions of litres from pond overrun with thousands of goldfish

(Thanks to The Perts)

If they filled their ponds with gallons instead of "litres" they wouldn't have these problems.

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Even their seahorses are terrifying.

ITS FIRST THOUGHT: 'OINK'

A PIG'S brain has been brought back to life, with functioning activity, nearly an hour after the animal had died.

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Quick! Send it to Washington!")

MAYBE IT WAS A SERVICE RAT

Spirit Airlines Passengers Freak Out When They See Rat on Plane

(Thanks to pharmaross and B&C)

AND IN SPORTS

Woman uses chopsticks to eat one grain of rice at a time, sets Guinness record

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDIANS WILL FIND THIS PRETTY FUNNY

Animal rescuer chases loose lizard on roof of home

(Thanks to John Lobert)

In Florida it's rare to find a home that doesn't have a lizard on the roof.

On the other hand, "Loose Lizard" WBAGNFARB.

WHAT THE REST OF US LEARNED IS THAT HE'S A MORON

Adult film star Dante Colle pumps his Cybertruck with bullets to test if it’s really bulletproof — and here’s what he learned

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Starting Wednesday, October 23, Goldfish will no longer be Goldfish. The iconic Cheddar cracker that smiles back at you will be officially renamed “Chilean Sea Bass.”

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

WE'RE WITH THE ORCA ON THIS

Audience members attending an orca show at SeaWorld San Antonio got more than they bargained for when the killer whale defecated in its pool and then splashed the crowd with soiled water.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BOLO

Kangaroo on the loose after fleeing from bear in Florida

(Thanks to John Lobert)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY

“For some time, various internet jargons and memes have appeared frequently, leaving people more and more confused,” said an editorial by the Communist party mouthpiece, the People’s Daily.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Horrible smell after lorry spills 28 tonnes of fish guts all over A361 dual carriageway

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Northern California radio station 106.7 Z-Rock (KRQR-FM) hosted the annual Pumpkinhead challenge in downtown Chico on Saturday, where more than 800 people filtered in and out of the town’s square to cheer on contestants as they stood on crates with pumpkins on their heads.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

STEP AWAY FROM THE BONG, SCIENTISTS

Scientists Propose Shooting $200 Trillion Worth of Pulverized Diamonds Into Atmosphere

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US

Woman drops phone, gets stuck upside-down in rock crevice looking for it

(Thanks to Geoffrey Scott)

INCREDIBLY, THEY'RE NOT IN AUSTRALIA

Scientists Discover New Large, ‘Dangerously Venomous’ Snakes

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY RESIDE HERE, SO THEY CAN VOTE HERE

Mysterious holes on Florida riverbanks identified as 'catfish condos'

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "There's a waiting list.")

HOW COULD HE TELL?

Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) say a Vermont man charged with impaired driving in Cobden, Ont., last week was not aware he was in Canada.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

IT'S OUR BEST SELLER, DUDE

Drug squad officers began casing the restaurant and found out why pizza number 40 was so popular

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Alkali Bill, who says "Why didn't Chuck E. Cheese thank of that?")

NEW YORK DEMANDS A RECOUNT

This Year Marks a Decade of Chicago as the Rattiest City in America

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WHATEVER THEY ARE, THE SNAKES WILL GET THEM

"Mysterious black balls" close 2 popular beaches in Australia

(Thanks to The Perts)

SPORTS UPDATE

'King Conker' Cleared Over Cheating Allegation At World Championships

(Thanks to John Lobert and James Fitzwilliam)

'UNUSUAL' IS ONE WORD FOR IT

Watanabe, who currently has four wives and two girlfriends, relies entirely on their incomes to support his lifestyle. To top it all off, he has stated that he wants to father 54 children. This is an unusual family setup.

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: A NATION IN CRISIS

Not-so-tiny goldfish big problem in Alberta town storm pond

(Thanks to The Perts)

OTHER THAN THAT THE TRANSPORT WAS EXECUTED FLAWLESSLY

Funeral home in Poland apologises after body falls from hearse into traffic

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

Actual name of company: "Hades Funeral Services."

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CLASH

'Winter vomiting bug' arriving early as Brits given just '48-hour warning'

(Thanks to Annette)

SEVENTIES ROCKSTAR PARTY FUN

"There was a man... who did lay under meats. He was covered in cold cuts and chopped liver and stuff like that. You couldn't see him, and so people would approach the trestle table, and as they reached out to scoop their meat, he would just move. And that was his act."

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

IF YOU SQUINT YOU CAN JUST MAKE OUT A STARBUCKS

New images show ‘by far the most detailed view of a Mars city to date’

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Convincing.")

GOOD THING SHE DIDN'T DREAM OF BEING AN AIRLINE PILOT

A 19-year-old London woman managed to fulfill her dream of being a doctor without actually going to medical school simply by walking into a hospital and posing as a physician.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Ron T)

IT DIDN'T EVEN BUY HIM DINNER

I’m lucky to be alive, says man attacked by ‘sexually frustrated’ dolphin

(Thanks to Charles Cates, who says "Yet another reason to avoid the ocean.")

GOD HELP US IF THE SQUIRRELS GET HOLD OF THIS

Study suggests that 'Jedi' rodents remotely move matter using sound to enhance their sense of smell

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: LAND OF CHAMPIONS

Canadian Man Sets New Guinness World Record For Most Dogs Walked at Once

(Thanks to John Lobert)

UPSET STOMACH?

Do NOT click here.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Cyprus festival features 246-foot kebab

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ALWAYS LOCK YOUR CLOSET

A judge in northern Greece on Thursday imposed a suspended one-month prison sentence on a man convicted of disturbing his neighbors by repeatedly sneaking into their properties to smell their shoes.

(Thanks to Matt Filar, John Lobert and Steve K., who says "My wife says she'll give him my shoes.")