Dave Barry's Blog

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Miami Dolphins fans can now experience the...unique scent of Odell Beckham Jr.'s jockstrap.

We're hoping this is a joke. But we're not sure. 

Considering the way the Dolphins are playing, this would be an appropriate odor.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE NEW YORK TIMES:

Mucus: It’s Snot What You Think

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "Paper of record tackles the issues.")

IT NEVER GETS OLD

Astronomers Found Something Cold and Wet Near Uranus

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHEN YOU PULL THAT LEVER, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN

Woman Doused In Feces While Gambling At Casino

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HUNDREDS OF WHAT?

A 63-year-old man has been arrested after hundreds of truckles of cheddar, worth more than £300,000, were stolen from London cheese specialist Neal’s Yard Dairy.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SO ABOUT HALF AS FAST AS JERRY LEE LEWIS

Romanian pianist hits piano key 500 times in 30 seconds

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I think I'll pass on Romanian music.")

IT'S FLYING, YES, BUT IT'S NOT A CAR

‘Flying car’ gets off ground, with a person aboard

(Thanks to Rick Day)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

B.C. woman continues to be paid for a federal government job she has never worked

(Thanks to B&C and Doug Ogg, who says "Send this woman to Washington!")

DO THEY TAKE VENMO?

Russian court fines Google $20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan, Barry Nester and Ron Wylie, who says "Google can find this much in their couch cushions.")

WE DON'T SEE THIS AS A MAJOR ISSUE, IF THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF THEM

‘Insect alert:’ Experts warn trio of bugs could soon ‘flood’ Ohio homes

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Student accidentally finds lost city in Mexico after Google search

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE

Ohio officer ‘attacked’ by giant runaway pumpkin — months after turkeys chased him down during traffic stop in viral video

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "I really hope a reality show starts following this police officer.")

Yes, we posted a version of this story several weeks ago. But hey, it's Halloween.

IF YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR HOME, GET OUT *NOW*

St. Augustine couple’s shower door explodes in middle of the night

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

Typing monkey would be unable to produce 'Hamlet' within the lifetime of the universe, study finds

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento. Ed. Floden and Roberto)

Bob Newhart knew this in 1963.

THEY GET IT FROM THE SQUIRRELS

Lions and tigers and beers: Yes, even animals seek out alcohol in the wild

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Jim Kenaston, Ed. Floden and Ralph)

Related: Boozy Asian hornets revealed as heavyweights able to swig pints without getting drunk

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Boozy Asian Hornets open for Cream.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Lucy's going as a ghost.