WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

A 71-year-old Florida man was arrested and spent the night in jail after authorities say he illegally "lassoed" an alligator.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

Comments

[Dusty]

Florida, land of the Yee! and home of Haw!.

[Alan West]

The Legal Alligator Lasso: A Floridian's Guide to Reptile Wrangling

Step 1: Obtain your Official Alligator Lassoing License (ALL) from the Department of Scaly Citizen Assistance. This process involves a 72-hour course on gator etiquette and a practical exam where you must successfully lasso three inflatable alligators while balancing on a pool noodle.

Step 2: Don the regulation Gator Grabber Uniform, consisting of neon swamp-camo overalls and a hat that says "Crikey!" in flashing LED lights.

Step 3: Approach the alligator while reciting the Oath of Scales: "I solemnly swear to yee-haw responsibly and respect your toothy grin."

Step 4: Before lassoing, present the gator with a notarized "Notice of Impending Loop" document, allowing a 5-minute window for the reptile to consider its options.

Step 5: Use only state-approved, eco-friendly, gluten-free rope made from sustainably sourced swamp grass.

Step 6: Toss the lasso while yodeling the official Florida State Gator Call: "Here, gator gator gator!"

Step 7: Once secured, offer the alligator a complimentary pair of sunglasses and a tiny "I Survived Florida Man" t-shirt as compensation for the inconvenience.

Remember, citizens: leave alligator wrangling to the professionals... unless you've completed this rigorous process, in which case, happy lassoing!

[FLORIDA MAN]

Nobody in Vegas complained when I was lassoing cougars and hookers back to my room.

[MOTW]

Robert Colin is a 71 year old who just had heart surgery, but he still had the wherewithal to lasso a nine foot gator.
Sir, I salute you.

Robert Colin -->
To rile bronc
No rib lector

[Judy]

^5 to Alan West. So funny if it weren’t true (almost).

[Pullet Surprise]

How about sending Florida a copy of the Oregon Department of Highways Whale Disposal Manual? On the other hand, how many belts, shoes, and wallets can you make from one gator?

[Alan West]

Plenty of variables in that calculus, but generally speaking:*

From an average-sized adult alligator (around 8-10 feet long):

Belts: Approximately 10-20 belts, depending on the width of each belt.

Shoes: About 2-4 pairs of shoes, depending on the style and size.

Wallets: Roughly 15-20 wallets, depending on their size and design.
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*In the age of generative AI, no questions need go unanswered. I've been asking a LOT of questions ...