Dave Barry's Blog

AND IN SPORTS

Reigning giant pumpkin champ wins again at the Alaska State Fair

(Thanks to B'game)

JUST CHIPS FOR US, THANKS

UC Berkeley microbiologist makes the case for Neurospora-laced oat pulp and cheesy moldy bread

(Thanks to Roberto, who says "Basically that's what I ate during my college years.")

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Toronto Zoo investigating after orangutan escapes

(Thanks to The Perts)

KARMA

Debris From When NASA Smashed Asteroid Appears to Be Headed Back Toward Earth

(Thanks to Ed. Floden, who says "FAFO")

MALPRACTICE

Residents of Oweko Parish in Ndhew Sub County, Nebbi district have put a witch doctor under house arrest for reportedly failing to resurrect a dead person.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT IF THEY'RE CONSENTING CARS?

Man banned from touching cars in Sheffield

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE JUST CALL HIM PROF W

“Our proposed polarization multiplexer will allow multiple data streams to be transmitted simultaneously over the same frequency band, effectively doubling the data capacity,” explains lead researcher Professor Withawat Withayachumnankul from the University of Adelaide, in a statement.

(Thanks to Terry Spurgin)

GUYS ARE ALL THE SAME

Love is blind for male fruit flies who will choose sex over safety

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Italians revolted as Heinz unveils spaghetti carbonara in a can

(Thanks to Ralph)

CALIFORNIA TACKLES THE ISSUES

California’s list of official state symbols could grow even further as two bills aimed at designating a state slug and crab continue advancing in the legislature.

(Thanks to Ralph)

OF ALL THE ITEMS YOU MEN SHOULD NOT CLICK ON...

...you should not click on this one the most.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

MEANWHILE AT MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

Just another day.

(Thanks to Ralph)

REASON #1: BECAUSE THEY'RE DOGS

The many reasons why dogs love to roll in poo

(Thanks to B&C and John Lobert)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Reflect Orbital, a California startup, has opened applications for anyone who wants to use a satellite with a mirror on it to reflect sunlight to a specific location on Earth after dark.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

IT'S A HOT BOOK

Children's book ignites car seat in North Carolina family's minivan minutes after parking

(Thanks to MOTW and Robert Moats)

GHOST MONTH?

Police in central Taiwan have arrested two men on offenses relating to Ghost Month for allegedly scaring people by dressing up at night as a ghastly female demon with its tongue hanging out.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

'HOW WAS IT FOR YOU?'

Police say a man and woman were engaging in sexual activity in the backseat when the woman accidentally disengaged the gear, causing the vehicle to roll right into the water.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Michael Parry)

TEAM-BUILDING EXERCISE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A worker on an office hiking retreat to a national forest in Colorado had to be rescued after 14 of his colleagues allegedly left him stranded on a 14,230-foot mountain, authorities said.

(Thanks to Rlobert Moats and Alkali Bill, who says "It's gonna be awkward on Monday morning.")

'AS LONG AS THEY WEAR SHOES'

Marseille museum opens up naturist exhibition to nude visitors

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "In December, there could be shrinkage.")

TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE LAUNDRY SITUATION

Thousands bathe in tomato sauce at La Tomatina

(Thanks to B&C)

DEAR SURGEON GENERAL: DUH

Parenting Is Hazardous to Your Health, the Surgeon General Warns

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Al Barkafski and Annette)

NOW you tell us.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Lab-Grown Muscle Launched into Space

(Thanks to Steve K)

BUT OFFICER DUDES, WE'RE *HEALING*

Canary Island 'healing circle' of giant monkey frog hallucinogens raided by cops

(Thanks to Annette)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Hungary goes wild for cabbage stew ice cream

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

MAYBE IT WAS TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY

Austrian surgeon 'let teenage daughter drill hole in patient's skull'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE FIRST-PLACE HORSE WAS ON METH

Horse tests positive for cocaine after finishing second in race

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A LESS-EDIBLE BOAT

See moment great white shark bites fishermen's boat

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Pizza Hut is offering a pizza box that folds into a table

(Thanks to The Perts and Ron T)

IOWA HAS STREETS?

An 'aggressive' water buffalo is on the loose and prowling the streets of Iowa

(Thanks to The Perts)

TO SERVE AND PROTECT

Cranston police officer accused of urinating on woman's $180 cowboy boots at Chesney show

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SPORTS UPDATE

Florida team's bat dog to keep her job, despite messy debut

(Thanks to John Lobert and Emily, Lesie and w)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS FROM CANADA

Why this B.C. municipality wants to ban stickers on fruits and vegetables

(Thanks to The Perts)

OOPS

5-Year-Old Breaks 3,500-Year-Old Bronze Age Jar At A Museum

(Thanks to John Lobert, Mezrap, B&C and Doug Ogg)

COLD

In the middle of a rescue call last week, someone stole the Jaws of Life from Oakland firefighters

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS II

Hundreds gather to watch ‘world gravy wrestling championships’ at UK pub

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER THIS IS VERY BAD AIM OR VERY GOOD AIM

Jail inmate hit by bullet from nearby FBI target practice

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER...

...for Corn Sweat!

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

AND IN SPORTS

Broncos fan punched in face on concourse manages to save beer

(Thanks to pharmaross and Mezrap, who says "The word is 'hero.'")

WE ARE NOT SENDING OUR BEST

American baffled by the word 'washroom' during first trip to Canada

(Thanks to The Perts)

DO NOT MESS WITH HER

Irish woman retains world axe-throwing title

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

5-Year-Old Kid Hits 194 MPH in Lamborghini Revuelto, Celebrates With Smokey Donuts

(Thanks to Ralph)

ADVISORY:

Increased sausage demand may be red flag

(Thanks to The Perts)

METAPHOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Bald eagle believed to be injured in Missouri was just ‘too fat to fly,’ wildlife officials say

(Thanks to Ron Wylie and Ralph)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

California gardener finds 4 Russian-style grenades in bushes near Los Angeles

(Thanks to MOTW, who says "Who says gardening is boring?")

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

S.Africa plan to 'bomb' mice that eat albatrosses alive

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Brits warned of hard-kicking wallabies running rampant across the UK after great escape

(Thanks to Annette)

SEND THESE DOGS TO WASHINGTON

San Francisco residents speculate a utility box collapsed due to dog urine

(Thanks to Ralph)

CRUEL *AND* UNUSUAL

Karnataka High Court stays probe against man accused of cruelty for denying wife French fries

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

World’s First Beer Hotel Opens, Features In-Room Taps, Built-In Shower Beer Fridge & IPA Hot Tub

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THAT'S THE SCARIEST KIND OF MAMMOTH

People hunted mammoths with pikes in the Ice Age, researchers suggest

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Beware of mammoths with pikes.")