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July 13, 2024

WHERE THE HELL IS THE NATIONAL GUARD?

Accordion aficionados gather in Philadelphia area this weekend

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

WE CAN TOTALLY RELATE

Llama escapes Maine property to avoid dental exam

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NO KIDDING, DUDE

Sheep start behaving strangely after eating 100kg of cannabis in greenhouse

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, SIR

Arkansas man sues Las Vegas dancer for over $38M | Says he was misled to believe they were exclusive

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

8:04 p.m. A woman who “did a lot of drugs” called 911 and said she thought she’d run over 23 kids with her car.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU SAY 'GENETIC MUTATION'; WE SAY 'APOCALYPSE'

Rare genetic mutation turns green frog blue

(Thanks to The Perts)

July 12, 2024

WE KNOW HOW *NOT* TO

How do you dispose of a whole pod of 77 whales?

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

DARN TOOTIN' IT IS

US ban on at-home distilling is unconstitutional, Texas judge rules

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

CANADA PLUNGES EVEN DEEPER INTO ANARCHY

Secret society steals, restores Kelowna gnomes

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

At least we think "Kelowna" is in Canada.

EMPLOYEE OF THE DECADE SO FAR

Man skipped work for 6 years and was only found out after he was set to win an award

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK, YOU SICKO

Cannibal tribe ate humans 'whole' except for one 'bitter' part

(Thanks to Rick Day)

MAYBE THEY WERE EMOTIONAL-SUPPORT GRENADES

TSA removes 2 grenades from bag at Pittsburgh International Airport

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Geoff Scott)

IT'S PROBABLY WRONG

New theory claims humans are ‘probably’ the only intelligent life in our galaxy

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

GUYS IN ACTION

Two lions make record-breaking swim for ‘female affection’

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

July 11, 2024

GOOD TO GET THOSE THINGS OFF THE STREET

Oregon police recover over $200,000 worth of Lego sets in massive bust

(Thanks to EricY and MOTW)

WE WERE NOT PROMISED FLYING TURTLES

ATSB data reveals Perth Airport has most turtle strikes with planes over past decade

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

‘Rare’ 1,100-year-old skeletons found at hotel in UK, photos show.

(Thanks to The Fourth George, who says "That's a long wait to check in.")

SHE WAS A GOLD POINT MEMBER

Pastor ‘smacked his wife and flipped her the bird’ in the middle of a flight when she got upgraded to first class without him

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Video shows shipment of live eels spilling at Vancouver airport

(Thanks to The Perts and Ralph)

IT WAS WEARING A KNIGHT COSTUME

An 80-pound black bear, who was named Smoky, made his way into the Renaissance Festival and decided to take a break under one of the buildings.

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS

Nick Wehry accused of cheating in Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, per report

The New York Post reported Tuesday, citing two anonymous sources, that video showed Wehry moved an additional plate onto the stack in front of him after the competition had ended, eventually increasing his score by five full hot dogs.

(Thanks to MOTW and Barry Nester)

July 10, 2024

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

It's National Pina Colada Day.

(Thanks to MOTW)

THE SLIM JIMS SHOW NO SIGN OF AGING

3,500-year-old rest stop — with leftovers from communal meals — found in Azerbaijan

(Thanks to The Fourth George)

HE BELIEVED THIS WOULD 'NEUTRALIZE THE VENOM'

Indian railway worker gets bitten by snake, bites back

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Send this man to Australia.")

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

A LITTLE TEQUILA UP THE BUTT WILL GET YOU ARRESTED!!!

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

DERHOPPINCRITTERBEENCAUGHTEN

Kangaroo captured after half a year on the loose in Germany

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "France cancels high alert.")

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man stopped at customs with 100 live snakes down his pants

(Thanks to The Perts and James Fitzwilliam)

ROLE MODEL OF THE WEEK SO FAR

JONESBORO, Ark. (KAIT) - A woman visiting her son in the Craighead County Juvenile Detention Center ended up facing misdemeanor charges herself after sheriff’s deputies said she broke the glass out of a cancer fundraising candy machine and stole several handfuls.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

READY ONCE AGAIN TO FIGHT FOR YOU

Lawyer who defecated in Pringles can reinstated

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'SUPERFAN' IS ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE HIM

Wawa superfan collects full set of order slips, 0-999

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Wawa has superfans?")

SPOILER ALERT: IT WAS KEITH RICHARDS

We Finally Know What Turned on The Lights at The Dawn of Time

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

CANADA: A NATION ON THE EDGE OF THE BRINK OF THE PRECIPICE

‘Perfect rat storm’: Ontario cities seek ways to fight increasingly visible rats

(Thanks to B&C)

Increasingly Visible Rats WBAGNFARB.

HOW CLOSE ARE WE TO FLYING CARS?

We are this close.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

Update: There's also this.

(Thanks to EricY, The Perts and Nelson from Michigan)

WE BET THOSE ARE SOME TICKED-OFF SNAKES

Brazilian biologist steps on venomous snakes 40,000 times for study

(Thanks to Rick Day)

July 09, 2024

MAYBE HE WAS OFF DUTY, DUDE

'Smell of marijuana could knock you off your feet': Police chief fired after office reeks of weed, mayor says

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

THE NEWS FROM NORTH KOREA

Sounds promising?

(Thanks to Tony Holmes, who says "Sometimes things don't translate contextually, is all I am saying.")

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

These cannibal baby sharks eat their siblings in the womb

(Thanks to The Perts)

NEEDLESS TO SAY IT PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida researchers find unusual crooked fish in Silver Glen Springs

(Thanks toi John Lobert)

CSI: COLUMBUS

Officers found four hamsters in his pants.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

They were consenting hamsters.

July 08, 2024

OOPS

First-time plane passenger sparks chaos after opening emergency door instead of bathroom

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "We've all done it.")

GUYS IN ACTION

MERRY-GO-ROUND WITH A JET ENGINE ATTACHED

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MAKES SENSE

Drunk Man Steals Identity And Yacht Because He ‘Wanted To Meet Some Pittsburgh Pirates’

(Thanks to EricY, who says "A Florida boater's license has been mailed.")

AND IN SPORTS

Enormous lines form for Yankee Stadium's George Costanza bobblehead

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CAREER OPPORTUNITY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Tasmania Is Hiring for a ‘Wombat Walker’

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Another job my high school guidance counselor didn’t mention.")

IT WAS A CONSENTING TREE

Investment banker, 30, 'smeared mud on himself then had sex with a tree in the shadow of Kensington Palace', court hears

(Thanks to pharmaross and Annette)

Update: Apparently we had the wrong link. It has been corrected, and of course Judi has been fired. 

CSI: CANADA

Who took his weathered garden gnomes? And then returned them, freshly painted?

(Thanks to The Perts)

July 07, 2024

CATTLE FEEDER SPOTLIGHT

We regret to inform you that, because of our strict policy, we are unable to present the Cattle Feeder Spotlight.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

EXCEEDING THE RECOMMENDED DOSAGE

Cobra Swallows Cough Syrup Bottle In Odisha

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE BYRDS

Mystery emu found wandering loose through Pennsylvania neighborhood

(Thanks to wiredog)

'WHO'S GOING TO FIND OUT? THE JELLYFISH?'

Costa del Sol council denies plan to fine people peeing in the sea

(Thanks to Ralph)

 
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