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May 08, 2024


The new Swiss Army Knife will be missing a key feature

(Thanks to The Perts and MAC, who says "That's not a knife.")


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A quick search revealed this fact:

Has the Swiss Army ever fought?

Around the year 1500, Swiss mercenaries were the most sought after and feared troops in Europe. 1815 was the last time Switzerland had invaded another state, namely France, two weeks after the Battle of Waterloo! The Swiss army had last fought in 1847, during the Sonderbund, a short civil war.

Swiss quickly accepted France's immediate surrender.

I made the last part up, but you know even without a knife in their army knife, the Swiss won.

MAC would know.

Mac the Knife.

Never bring the new Swiss Army Knife to a knife fight.

A great man once had this to say about Swiss Army knives:

“Also I took along my Swiss army knife, which combines, in one convenient unit weighing no more than a ladies' bowling ball, every kind of implement -- screwdriver, can opener, shrimp fork, egg slicer, marital aid, etc. -- that you could ever possibly use in the wilderness if only you could unfold these implements without breaking off all your fingernails, which you cannot. If all Swiss army weapons are this difficult to operate, it's no wonder Switzerland makes such a big point of being neutral. An invading enemy could waltz right in, unchallenged, while the Swiss soldiers wore their fingers down to bloody stumps, frantically trying to unfold the rifle implement on their all-purpose soldier tool, only to discover that in their haste they had by mistake unfolded, say, their spatulas.”


Can they even advertise it as a "Swiss Army Knife" if does not include a blade, ummm, knife?

If it doesn't have a blade, how will we cut the seal from champaign bottles before removing the cork?

Recalling Dan Ackroyd as the Rovco pitchman selling the Swiss Army Gun....

During WWII, the folding Swiss Army Knife was issued to women in their army. Men got hunting knives, according to a Swiss woman of that vintage that I knew.

Does it have a drill for making the holes in the cheese?

Does this leave space for a second toothpick?

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