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May 28, 2024

YUCK

Mormon cricket 'sludge' causes crashes in Nevada

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO MOVE ABOUT THE CABIN

Man who 'ran through Virgin Australia plane naked and knocked over attendant' arrested

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND*

A row has broken out in Mexico after the arm of a mummy in a museum ‘fell off’.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

*Reference here.

AND IN OLYMPIC SPORTS

The hashtag #JeChieDansLaSeineLe23Juin, which translates to ‘I sh*t in the Seine on June 23’ began trending on X last week after she announced the date of her dip.

(Thanks to Annette, Jim Perth, Asher Scheiner Rod Nunley and Barry Nester)

AND IN SPORTS

YouTuber Speed 'hospitalized and bleeding' after injury in brutal cheese rolling race

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Annette)

No! Not YouTuber Speed!

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE NATIONAL GUARD

Rash of pickleball paddle pilfering reported in D.C. area, East Coast

(Thanks to Annette)

UH-OH

Dead whale floating off Oregon coast washes ashore north of Nehalem Jetty

(Thanks to Ed Quinn and Steve Thompson)

THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF EMERGENCY 911 WAS CREATED FOR

Georgia woman calls 911 to get raccoon tased, have deputies google restaurant hours for her

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

‘They’re out of control’: flock of 100 feral chickens torments village

(Thanks to Roberto and Allen at Division)

May 27, 2024

FL_RIDAAAAAAAAA

Florida man goes on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ and makes NSFW flub

(Thanks to Ralph)

NATURAL SELECTION

Bear breaks into Monrovia home and leaves with only one item: Oreos

(Thanks to Ralph)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Orcas aren’t attacking boats — they’re just playful teens, scientists say

(Thanks to B&C)

ANYTHING FOR RATINGS

Boston 25 News Anchor Vanessa Welch Swallows Fly On Live TV

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good one, but please remember why it's called Memorial Day.

May 26, 2024

CANADA: A NATION IN THE THROES* OF TOTAL ANARCHY

Canadian walking her dog finds more than 40 rotisserie chickens in the woods

(Thanks to B&C, who says "This is unusual; normally, there's about 20.")

*Whatever a "throe" is.

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Napoleon’s one-and-a-half inch long penis last known to be in the possession of NJ urologist’s daughter

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EXACTLY LIKE CHER

The Chuck E. Cheese band delays retirement with an encore at 3 more stores

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WAIT... THAT'S ILLEGAL?

Nicki Minaj detained for ‘carrying drugs’ in Amsterdam

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE'VE BEEN WAITING OUR WHOLE LIFE TO HEAR THESE WORDS

Your toilet seat doesn’t have to look boring.

(Thanks to Ralph)

STAY OFF HIS LAWN

‘Quality of life issue’ leads to arrest of 81-year-old ‘serial slingshot shooter,’ police say

(Thanks to man tom)

JUST A HOT DOG FOR US, THANKS

Family stricken with rare brain worms after eating undercooked bear

(Thanks to MAC, who says "Always cook your bears thoroughly.")

DEPARTMENT OF BILLS YOU WILL NOT SEE PASSED IN FLORIDA

California bill would require new cars to beep at speeding drivers

(Thanks to man tom and Rod Nunley)

May 25, 2024

HONEYMOONER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Groom arrested after fight over alleged flirting at wedding reception led to guest being shot

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Other than that, it was a lovely affair.")

CONGRESS HAS BEEN LEADING THIS MOVEMENT, SLOWLY, FOR DECADES

Why more and more organizations are adopting the slow work movement

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

BEST CLASS EVER

Alligator escapes from petting zoo at Missouri middle school

(Thanks to Annette)

PRESUMABLY DURING 'DANCING QUEEN'

ABBA goes to court to demand its right to throw eggs

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD MORNING!

Russian Woman Wakes Up to Boa Constrictor Coming Out of Her Toilet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU KNOW WHO TAUGHT THEM HOW TO DO THIS

Snakes Cause 'Unprecedented' Power Outages in Tenn. by Repeatedly Sneaking into a Substation

(Thanks to John Lobert)

In case you don't know: According to Unitil data, 11% of power outages within the utility’s service territory are related specifically to squirrels

(Thanks to Catherine DeLorey)

May 24, 2024

WE'VE ALL WANTED TO

Man hurling fish, carrots inside Lincoln DMV caused $9,000 in damage, police say

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN MOTOR SPORTS

Vroomba, the world’s fastest vacuum, reaches speed of over 55 km/h

(Thanks to Roberto)

THEY SHOULD CHAIN IT TO SOMETHING HEAVY

It looks like someone tried to steal Graceland

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "They're gonna need a bigger truck.")

DINING REPORT

Last night this blog dined at popular new Mexican restaurant in Coral Gables. The food was excellent, as were the margaritas. However there was one section of the menu that we found deeply troubling:

IMG_3291

There are not enough margaritas in the WORLD.

HARD PASS

Suburban brewpub goes all in on Chicago cicada craze with ‘Cicada-infused Malört'

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

"Cicada craze?"

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Man finds huge 30,000-year-old mammoth bones in his wine cellar

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

DON'T TELL THE HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT

Ultra-rare fish, almost never seen by humans, washes up on Oregon coast for first time

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU COULD GET STONED OUT OF YOUR GOURD

1,400 packages of meth weighing almost 6 tons, worth $18M found in squash shipment

(Thanks to Ron T)

GOD HELP THEM IF A SQUIRREL SNEAKS ON BOARD

Bark Air, a new airline for dogs, set to take its first flight

(Thanks to The Perts and Barry Nester)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Woman Arrested For Battering Man. With A Cinnamon Roll.

(Thanks to Ron T. and Barry Nester)

May 23, 2024

WELL THAT SHOULD DO IT

New Minnesota law makes flying cars legal

(Thanks to Carolyn L)

TRY UNPLUGGING IT THEN PLUGGING IT BACK IN

Tesla in Full Self-Driving Mode Allegedly Tries to Drive Into Speeding Train

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY SERVICE

Florida priest accused of biting woman during Communion

(Thanks to pharmaross, Barry Nester and Not My Usual Alias)

THERE MAY BE HOPE FOR CONGRESS

World’s first head transplant system revealed – but can it be done?

"BrainBridge"

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

SHOW AND TELL, DUDE

North Ogden police are investigating after an 11-year-old elementary school student unknowingly brought a bag of THC-infused gummies to school in March and shared them with four other children at recess, police announced Tuesday.

(Thanks to Joshua Lutes)

AND IN SPORTS

Joey Chestnut wins men's hot dog eating contest after weather delay

(Thanks to EricY)

THIS IS NOT GOOD

Squirrel with a Gun

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Central American weasel escapes from British zoo

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ATTRACTIVE *AND* PRACTICAL

Nigerian woman creates world's widest wig at almost 12 feet

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IF AI SAYS SO, IT MUST BE LEGIT

Google's new AI search feature has been recommending people drink urine ('light in color')

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE CAN'T BELIEVE WE MISSED THIS

Performer turf war as firebreather fights off mariachi band with flames from mouth

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "Why is soccer televised but THIS isn't?")

ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Is The Guillotine Painful?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

 
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