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April 09, 2024

THE KEY METRIC IS BEATS PER MINUTE, OR BPM.

Chechnya bans all music deemed too fast or too slow

(Thanks to Mezrap)

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The CPR playlist I proposed for Krav Maga workouts would fit right in, up until Dwight starts the face transplant from the CPR mannequin:

Stayin Alive by Bee Gees - 100 BPM
Another One Bite The Dust by Queen -110 BPM
Baby Shark by Pink Fong - 115 BPM
One Week by Barenaked Ladies - 113 BPM
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor - 117 BPM
Just Dance by Lady Gaga, Colby O'Donis - 119 BPM
Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake - 101 BPM
American Girl by Tome Petty and The Heart Breakers - 115 BPM
Sorry by Justin Bieber - 100 BPM
Another Bring In the Wall by Pink Floyd - 104 BPM
Dancing Queen by ABBA - 101 BPM
Man In The Mirror by Michael Jackson - 100 BPM
I would send the link, but I fear breaking the comments.

Would this include the Hokey Pokey? If so how would Chechnya know what it's all about?

The Goldilocks Syndrome.

I'm sure everyone will sleep better knowing that "Copacabana" squeezes under the bar at 114 bpm.

Color me in a musical sense thrown off balance, but apparently Chechen mentality and musical rhythm has a lot to do with waves of violence against gay men.

But it's still legal to own an accordion there?

Everything sounds better when played on the swinette.

Chechen Sally, guess you better slow your music down

Does that also apply if I play the Rock Bottom Remainders songs backwards to see if there are any satanic messages in them? Found one passage "iduj erif tsum" that took me a while to figure it out.

Hey, just tried it and the songs sound better when played backwards. Even their song about palindromes sounds better backwards. Ah one, and ah two, and ah, ...

On the positive side this seems to rule out The Teletubbies and anything involving bagpipes.

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