Dave Barry's Blog

HELLO FARMER'S?

Mexican artist crushes Tesla under giant stone head

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Raccoon Caught Riding Chairlift At Vermont Ski Area

(Thanks to Annette)

'IT'S A FIRM WHITE MEAT, NOT UNLIKE A CROSS BETWEEN CHICKEN AND CALAMARI'

Python farming could offer one of the most sustainable sources of meat in the world, according to a new study

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Michael Parry and Al Barkafski)

AND IN SPORTS II

'Bee invasion' stops play at Indian Wells tennis tournament

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Shipment of Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads stolen, prompting Penguins to postpone giveaway

(Thanks to Chuck and The Perts) (We saw them open for Dion and the Belmonts) (Also thanks to Roberto)

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF 'GUESS THE CONTINENT'

'Highly venomous' snake found in 7-year-old girl's bedroom

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Why this is considered news in you-know-where is beyond me.")

THAT'S A LOT OF PEE

More than a trillion cicadas are about to descend on the US thanks to a rare natural phenomenon.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Cicadas’ Unique Urination Unlocks New Understanding of Fluid Dynamics

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "If you only watch one video of a cicada peeing today, the one in this article has a backup band with bongos.")

YOU KNOW WHERE SHE WAS HEADED

Police in Italy have stopped what is believed to be one of the oldest traffic offenders of all time with no driving licence, no insurance, but a proud 103 years old.

(Thanks to Debbie in the Hague)

IT'S TIME TO REMIND CANADA THAT WE POSSESS A NUCLEAR ARSENAL

'A very serious crisis': Canada's wild pig population poses threat to neighbouring U.S. states

(Thanks to B&C)

BOLO

100-year-old giant snapping alligator turtle disappears on North Carolina highway to reptile expo

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Steve Thompson, who says "My sources say it was seen boarding a flight to Australia.")

LA SCIENCE EST RÉGLÉE

English 'doesn't exist' and is just badly pronounced French, linguist claims

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY DOWNED THEIR WHAT?

Tourist train The Ghan is mooned again, 20 years after NT residents first downed their dacks to greet it

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S GETTING SO THEY WANT TO MAKE *EVERYTHING* ILLEGAL

On Thursday, they were indicted on multiple federal charges related to the bombing and their alleged plot — which included mailing dog feces to the ex's home, releasing a snake in her residence, and scalping her, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of Georgia announced. They had plotted to acquire and release “a large python into the victim’s home to eat the victim’s daughter,” the release said.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Researchers propose fourth traffic signal light for hypothetical self-driving car future

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID ETC.

Chaotic video shows ‘irritated’ turkey attack Florida deputy during traffic stop

(Thanks to MOTW)

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of 16.5 John Cenas to pass Earth on Friday, March 15

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

French study suggests one in five young people can't recognise a zucchini

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST BEZOAR

Mr McConnell described his first bezoar as a "tight mat of feral pig and wallaby hair"

(Thanks to Ralph) (Which also describes the process by which bezoars are created)

BOLO

Residents of a city in western Japan have been warned to stay away from a cat after it fell into a tank of poisonous chemicals.

(Thanks to GJ)

CANADA: A NATION PLUNGING HEADLONG INTO THE ABYSS

‘This is Toronto culture,’ Racoon and horses spotted at two McDonald’s in 24 hours and residents seem unfazed

(Thanks to B&C)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

TOKYO -- More people in Japan are concerned about the smell of other people's excrement than their own, a survey by a pharmaceutical company has revealed.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHAT A BUNCH OF POOPYHEADS

Comparing people to vermin or excrement could prompt hate-speech probe under online harms bill, officials say

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SOME OF US DID THIS 60 YEARS AGO

Virginia College Announces Students Can Major in ‘Cannabis Studies’

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man charged with smuggling protected turtles that were found stuffed inside socks

(Thanks to Ron T)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER PLUNGER

Toilet paper spill ‘clogs’ traffic on California highway

(Thanks to Mezrap and Ed. Floden)

WE ASSUME THERE ARE SQUIRRELS IN WALES

Mystery as FIFTH monolith shaped like a giant Toblerone appears on remote Welsh hilltop

(Thanks to John Lobert and Rod Nunley)

CSI: NEW ORLEANS

"The rats are eating our marijuana."

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Andrew Mendez and Ralph)

STAND TALL, MCALLEN, TEXAS (IF YOU CAN)

Most Overweight and Obese Cities in the U.S.

JUST CAMPBELL'S FOR US, THANKS

The Drake Oak Brook’s $1,893 Bookbinder soup is made with Louis XIII cognac and red snapper flown in fresh from the Gulf of Mexico, then garnished with caviar and gold flakes.

(Thanks to Ralph)

RIGHT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S POLLUTING NEW YORK

New York City has quietly approved a controversial green plan to require pizzerias and matzah bakeries using decades-old wood- and coal-fired stoves to cut their smoky pollutants by 75%.

(Thanks to MOTW, who says "Mama mia!")

SHE ALREADY HAS A FLORIDA LICENSE

Woman Crashed Rolls-Royce Into $3 Million Statue

(Thanks to MOTW)

TEACH HIM TO FETCH

Pub-loving dog constantly flees home and walks himself to the local boozer

(Thanks to Rick Day)

AFTERWARD THEY ATE A RECORD NUMBER OF PIZZAS

Firefighters battle large fire at cannabis operation in downtown Los Angeles

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, who says "Let's get downwind of this!")

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Breakfast lovers are divided over whether baked beans should be separated from the rest of a fry-up.

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO ZZZZZZZZ

Plane veered off flight path after both pilots fell asleep, Indonesian authorities say

(Thanks to GJ)

CANADA: A NATION ON THE BRINK OF THE EDGE OF UTTER CHAOS

Diners at the Oshawa Arby's location might be in for more than they bargained for on Saturday, March 9, because an army of over 400 is planning a trip to the restaurant all because there is not a single Arby's location left in Toronto.

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED THE DEATH PENALTY

‘Vegan’ Bakery Exposed For Buying And Re-Selling Dunkin’ Donuts To Customers

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

ACCORDING TO THE LABEL IT'S GOOD THROUGH NEXT AUGUST

‘World’s oldest bread,’ dating back 8,600 years, discovered in Turkey

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Along with the world's oldest toaster.")

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

I make designer dresses from fish skin

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer)

AND IN SPORTS DOWN UNDER

Kangaroo 'stampede' interrupts golf games

(Thanks to Ralph)

We saw Kangaroo Stampede open for Phish.

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Man with Hoarse Voice Finds Leech Attached to His Throat

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Angry ex-girlfriend jailed for pickled pork attack in man’s home

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento, Barry Nester and Suzie Q Wacvet)

PROBABLY TIME TO GET A NEW ONE

The jockstrap is now 150 years old and it was invented in Boston

(Thanks to Sean Noone and Michael Parry)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The TSA’s new experiment: Self-service security checks

(Thanks to Steve K.)

ST. LOUIS: CITY OF CULTURE

A museum in St. Louis is celebrating a local holiday by asking visitors to wear underwear on their heads for a Guinness World Record.

(Thanks to John Lobert, Michael Parry, Ralph and Annette)

WE WANT TO BELIEVE THIS IS A JOKE, BUT...

Woman takes dead hamster Spud on tour of Europe because he loved travelling

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "If this doesn’t bring tears to your eyes, nothing will.")

WE SAW T.B.B. OPEN FOR E.L.O.

Traffic-blocking beaver 'taken into protective custody' in Washington

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Just try to tell me this isn’t a squirrel with a fake tail.")

AND IN FINANCE

Former stripper claims to have sold Prince Harry's underwear for 250k

(Thanks to The Perts and Asher Scheiner)

A GRIEVING NATION GRIEVES

Hundreds Gather At Candlelight Vigil for Last Hooters in West Virginia

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Marta Zlotnick)