Dave Barry's Blog

A FLAGRANT VIOLATION OF THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SHRIMP

Red Lobster makes change to all-you-can-eat deal after customers ate so much the restaurant suffered huge losses

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who blames Homer Simpson)

WELL *SOME* OF THEM, DEFINITELY

Is it time to revolutionize the toilet?

(Thanks to Mike Ricciardi and Ron T)

THEY FINALLY RAN OUT OF BEER

Japan's 'naked man festival' ends after more than 1,000 years

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SERIOUSLY?

We all enjoyed a packet of raisins as a lunchbox snack as kids, but do you know what they're made from? Some people have only just found out - and it's left them baffled

(Thanks to Rick Day)

Wait 'til they find out that ice is actually frozen water.

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

Waitress gobsmacked after man leaves drugs as tip for outstanding service

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

PARTY!

Coors Light truck crashes into Popeyes restaurant in Brooklyn

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AND IN SPORTS

Kansas fisherman's crappie record removed after steel weights are found in fish's stomach

(Thanks to Ron T)

HARD PASS

Pork flavored coffee is Starbucks’ newest China pitch

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE CAN THINK OF NOBODY MORE QUALIFIED

‘El Chapo’s’ granddaughter, 18, joins hunt for Loch Ness Monster while romping through Scotland

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

HEARTLAND SOCIAL NOTE

An Ohio couple held their wedding in an unusual venue: a Kentucky gas station's viral "disco bathroom."

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks "What's that smell?")

NOTE: We may have blogged this item already, but we thought it was too important to take any chances. As a precautionary measure, judi has been fired.

HE DOESN'T SOUND *THAT* WILD

Woman Has Spent Months Sharing Her Toilet With A Wild Frog Named Stanley

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING

Is it time for a more subtle view on the ultimate taboo: cannibalism?

(Thanks to Roberto)

SQUIRREL TERRORISM UPDATE

They've taken over The Washington Post.

Also the the little furred bastards are using a paywall.

(Thanks to Debbie in the Hague, Not My Usual Alias and Jeff from Pittsburgh)

AND YOU KNOW WHAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM PRODUCED

Florida doctors pull 150 live parasites from man’s nose

(Thanks to Ralph)

'GAZEBOED?'

Sloshed, plastered and gazeboed: why Britons have 546 words for drunkenness

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE WORD IS ‘HERO’

Minn. brewer sent flying across floor after beer tank valve explodes, blasting him with powerful stream of IPA

(Thanks to Mezrap)

WHAT IF THEY ESCAPE?

Lab-Grown Testicles Created In Male Fertility Breakthrough

(Thanks to Ron T, Al Barkafski, Michael Parry and Bill Hudgins, who says "Send them to Washington.")

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of 6 peacocks to fly close to Earth on Thursday

(Thanks to Chuck)

LARGE SNAKES IN THE NEWS

Incredible moment world’s largest SNAKE is discovered by TV crew with 26ft beast as thick as a car tyre filmed in water

This Northern Green Anaconda was found by TV wildlife presenter Professor Freek Vonk in remote Brazil.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

This blog has questions:

• It's not in Australia?
• "Freek Vonk?"
• Why is "Freek Vonk" diving in what appears to be a dress shirt?

GUYS IN ACTION

Man modifies ride-on toy car to reach 92.24 mph

(Thanks to MOTW, who notes "Father's Day is coming.")

BETTER THAN CHEEZ-IT BRAIN

A psychologist has warned against scrolling on your phone and ending up with 'popcorn brain'.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Human leg found abandoned on New York Subway track

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AS SO OFTEN HAPPENS

He got a box of penises in the mail, but not the ones he's looking for

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS DOWN UNDER

Australian showjumper cleared to resume Olympic bid after ‘mankini’ controversy

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

The fan who alleges they pooped their pants during the 2024 Hanteo Music Awards has made another shocking confession.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THEY LEFT THE OWNER IN THERE

Nebraska zoo extracts 70 coins from white alligator's stomach

(Thanks to Doug Ogg, Rick Day and The Perts)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE CEREAL

Truck spills 10,000 gallons of milk onto Massachusetts highway

(Thanks to MOTW, who says "Officials urged citizens not to cry.")

AND IN SPORTS

Cincinnati Reds Used Stuffed Pigs To Practice Tagging Runners

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Pork sliders?")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Men and women's brains do work differently, scientists discover for first time

(Thanks to Mezrap and Al Barkafski, both of whom say "Duh," and Asher Scheiner, who says "Scientists discover fact known for thousands of years, probably because they never got any dates.")

THINKING OF YOU...

A firm of funeral directors has apologised after sending Valentine's Day cards to elderly residents at a care home in Surrey.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE SAW RANSACKING BADGER OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Isle of Wight home ransacked by badger after it broke in

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "These are just squirrels wearing bad makeup.")

A GRATEFUL NATION REJOICES

Miniature 'neck' brace helps save grasshopper at Texas zoo

(Thanks to Linda Schutjer)

WHEN PEOPLE SAY THERE ARE NO LONGER ANY CAUSES WORTH FIGHTING FOR...

This blog says, oh yeah?

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WERE WE PROMISED BOATING CARS?

Why this electric car-boat vehicle will move like a plane

(Thanks to Steve K.)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Woman Claims Dripping Urine in Your Eyes Cures Vision Problems

(Thanks to Ron T)

PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR GOB SMACKED

Shopper reckons this packet of chicken looks exactly like ET

(Thanks to John Lobert, who reckons it does.)

PLAIN AS DAY

Boxing fans are convinced a 'time traveller' was spotted at Mike Tyson's legendary fight against Peter McNeeley in 1995.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Aussie beachgoers bare their bums in protest against proposed G-string ban

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'MY DOG, CAROLINA, WAS JUST SITTING THERE AND WATCHING IT'

Dog caught on doorbell camera stealing package from neighbor's front porch

(Thanks to EricY)

CSI: PRESTON

Probe into claims of snail farm in old BHS building in Preston

(Thanks to Ralph)

CSI: SPRING, TEXAS

An investigation is underway after a man was captured on surveillance video placing antique items under his kilt at the Antique Gallery in Spring.

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

Air Canada must honor refund policy invented by airline’s chatbot

(Thanks to Richard Alexander)

MR. PICKLES, YOU STUD

Triplets Of 90-Year-Old Tortoise Mr. Pickles Just Celebrated Their First Birthday

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IN FLORIDA, WE CALL THIS MINT CONDITION

Man charged after driving badly damaged vehicle on Highway 401 after earlier crash

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

PRECISELY WHAT THE UN NEEDS

CBP's top doctor tried to order fentanyl lollipops for UN meeting, whistleblowers say

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

BOLO

Police are searching for a woman who allegedly stole thousands of dollars worth of chewing gum in Orange County.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

CANCEL THAT TRIP TO DISNEYLAND

A slime museum is coming to L.A. — and it’s bringing the healing power of play

(Thanks to Annette)

AND FOR FATHER'S DAY:

Dad wants this.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

A NEW LOW

Raccoons steal Florida woman's DoorDash tacos

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Raccoons are just large squirrels with masks.")

LOOKING FOR A UNIQUE MOTHER'S DAY GIFT?

Your search is over.

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "Why glue guns should be licensed.")