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February 07, 2024


Morganton man arrested for ‘molesting a fire extinguisher’

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)


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I'm guessing alcohol and Flomax were involved.

Or it was his emotional support fire extinguisher.

I suspect that now he won't be allowed within 500 ft of a fire station.

As a former Cialis Representative, it sounds like he must have priapism, an erection lasting more than six hours.

"I just wanted to put it out", he said. "My bad. I didn't realize it was just for fires"

In my defense, it said break glass in case of emergency.

The new frontier in "safe sex".

Key quote:
Sanders did not receive a bond

I would say he bonded with the fire extinguisher in way previously unanticipated

I suspect "molesting" is older legal language. According to vocabulary.com, "The word originally meant simply "to cause trouble or grief," and it comes from the Latin word molestare, "to disturb, trouble, or annoy." It wasn't used to mean "attack sexually" until about 1950."

It is still present in other laws, like Florida's definition of taking game (FAC 68A-1.004:81):

"Definition of take:
The term shall include taking, attempting to take, pursuing, hunting, molesting, capturing, or killing any wildlife or freshwater fish, or their nests or eggs by any means whether or not such actions result in obtaining possession of such wildlife or freshwater fish or their nests or eggs."

Federal law and many other state laws used to include the "molesting" language in their "taking" definitions, but have since deleted it. Not Florida.

In Florida, don't molest that goose!

He loved that nozzle.

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