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February 18, 2024

CSI: SPRING, TEXAS

An investigation is underway after a man was captured on surveillance video placing antique items under his kilt at the Antique Gallery in Spring.

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

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He was released when they realized that he was over 80 and those "antique things" were actually his.

In his defense, he was just trying to keep them warm.

He was described as having not only a lot of spring in his step for a man of his age but very sexy calves.

Correction: A man was placing antique items up his butt. He was wearing a kilt allowing his hand direct access to his butt hole. Investigators have his DNA and are not happy about it.

"Is that a 1920's antique vase in your kilt or are you just happy to see me?"

The reason they call them kilts is because if you make fun of a Scotsman wearing one, you're gonna get kilt.

I never go into antique shops. It's very disconcerting to see things you grew up with.

A kilt worn with a wife-beater should arouse immediate suspicion and result in immediate expulsion from the premises.

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