Dave Barry's Blog

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man sentenced after trying to smuggle snakes in his pants from Montreal to N.Y.

(Thanks to The Perts)

DEFINITELY A KEEPER

Woman Sent 159,000 Texts To A Man After Their First Date, Then Broke Into His House To Take A Bath

(Thanks to The Perts)

THOSE AREN'T CLOUDS

Huge swarm of mosquitoes rises above city leaving people confined to their homes

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SQUIRREL TERRORISM UPDATE

Florida deputy fires weapon after mistaking sound of acorn hitting patrol car for gunshot

(Thanks to Rick Day, Dave Vander Ark, Suzie Q Wacvet and Jay Brandes)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Woman injured after struck with frozen burritos in southern Illinois, man arrested

(Thanks to Jerry Whittle)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO RETCH

Delta flight turns back after maggots fall on passengers from overhead bin

(Thanks to Jim Boyd and Chuck Cody)

THEY MUST BE LOW ON DYNAMITE

Dead whale on Oregon coast will be left to decompose

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, Ralph and Eric Y)

USUALLY IN MIAMI IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF COKE

An overturned tractor-trailer has shut I-95 southbound in the area of Miami-Gardens Drive. All southbound lanes — including express lanes — are closed. We have learned it is a Coke truck — bottles and cans of Coke and Sprite are all over the highway.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "We're gonna need a lot more chips and dip.")

IF IT'S IN THE MIRROR, IT MUST BE TRUE

Bride disgusted after catching groom being breastfed by his mum before wedding

People were gobsmacked.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "other than that...")

THEY'RE EXPERTS, SO...

Expert issues warning over giving up sex for Lent as it could be bad for your health

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "the science is settled.")