Dave Barry's Blog

AND IN SPORTS III

California woman grows world's longest arm hair

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid, John Lobert and B'game)

'I THINK WE'D ALL AGREE YOU'RE THE RUDE ONE HERE'

Excessively farting passenger forces American Airlines flight to turn around

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Emily, Leslie and w, MOTW and Buck Nekkid)

WHY NOT?

Why Women Are Walking Around Without Pants This Winter

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Barry Nester)

AND IN SPORTS II

Detroit fan's BUTT catches fire with incredible video showing insane table-smashing trend going horribly wrong

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

FULL SPEED A... ASTERN!

Two Navy warships crashed into each other because one was incorrectly rewired so it reversed instead of going forward, sources have claimed.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

AND IN SPORTS

1,946 people spin whipping tops in China to break world record

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AW

Texas alligator found breathing in frozen-over pond

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE FOURTEENTH COMMANDMENT

Colorado pastor accused of pocketing $1.3M in crypto scheme says 'Lord told us to'

(Thanks to Barry Nester, Steve K. and Robert Moats)

NEXT THEY'RE GOING TO WANT STANLEY CUPS

A photographer trained two rats to take photographs of themselves. They didn’t want to stop.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

IN MIAMI, PEOPLE WOULD BE PASSING THEM

Orange County street racers clocked at 199 mph along Florida Turnpike, deputies say

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THEY GO GREAT WITH DENTURES

These Japanese beef croquettes are so popular there’s a 43-year waitlist

(Thanks to Ron T, who says "I will order one for my grandkids.")

CANCEL THAT TRIP TO THE CARIBBEAN

Chicago’s Latest Attraction? A Rat-Shaped Hole.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

AT CURRENT PRICES, THAT WOULD BE MAYBE TWO CUPS

California woman arrested for stealing Stanley cups valued at nearly $2,500

(Thanks to EricY)

SO... AVOID DOLPHIN POO?

Deadly brain-attacking dolphin virus found in animal poo - and humans can catch it

(Thanks to Ralph)

AFTER YOU FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT, ALWAYS CHECK THE WING

New York-bound flight canceled after passenger sees parts missing from wing

(Thanks to EricY)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Man arrested at JFK Airport after 40 lbs. of cocaine found in bags of jumbo shrimp

(Thanks to Bill Carver)

WE SAW IT IN 'MAD MAX'

Ultra-rare 'punk ant' with Sid Vicious-like mohawk photographed in Far North Queensland

(Thanks to Ralph)

LOOKS LEGIT

Star Trek Starfleet insignia spotted on Mars

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Beam me up.")

WHEW

'Shaman' to stop casting genital spells

(Thanks to Ralph)

WITH FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

After Classified Briefing, Congressman Says UFOs May Be "Extradimensional" Angels

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THEY HAVE THEIR WAYS

Simply smelling a woman’s tears could reduce male aggression by over 40 percent, a study has revealed.

(Thanks to Frank)

PULITZER PRIZE ALERT

NYC pre-war building endowed with a roof that resembles a penis

(Thanks to Michael Parry) 

OH SHUT UP

It Turns Out That Most People Wipe Their Butts Completely Wrong, But This Doctor Is Here To Teach Us The Right Way

(Thanks to Rick Day)

AND IN (COUGH) SPORTS

Chinese marathon runner, 52, is disqualified for CHAIN-SMOKING throughout entire race - which he finished in 3hr 33min

(Thanks to B&C)

GUESS THE STATE

Arraignment date set for man found with cocaine hidden in his bra

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SUDDENLY DOGS ARE RETAINING ACCIDENT ATTORNEYS

A new study attempts to understand canine vision using an unconventional method: encouraging dogs to watch television.

(Thanks to EricY)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Megalodons were skinnier than we previously thought, new study suggests

(Thanks to EricY)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man Parties for Four Days Straight After Unknowingly Getting Shot in the Head

(Thanks to MOTW)

OOPS

$14M engine of US Air Force F-35 is destroyed after maintenance engineer left FLASHLIGHT inside it before test run

(Thanks to Frank)

CSI: STANWOOD

Stanwood farmer hits man with pitchfork during fight over goats

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

AND IN MUSIC

David Lee Roth claims Sammy Hagar was ‘sex probed’ during an alien abduction

(Thanks to Frank, Buck Nekkid and Jim Kenaston)

GUYS IN ACTION

Chinese man sets his pants on fire after botched 'fart lighting' stunt

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

ARRRRRRGH

Man accused of digging up neighbors’ yard because he believed they were pirates

(Thanks to many people)

R.I.P.

Mary Weiss, lead singer for 'Leader of the Pack' girl group the Shangri-Las, dies at 75

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

The Rock Bottom Remainders covered "Leader" many times, with Miss Amy Tan singing lead.

BUT DO ASSUME THAT THEY HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

'Falling iguana' alert issued in Florida due to cold temperatures: 'Don't assume that they're dead'

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE USUALLY TAKE MONEY, DUDE

As alleged by police, Carpenter “offered drugs to Buffalo Wild Wings workers in exchange for fried pickles.”

(Thanks to Linda Schutzjer, Charles Cates, Buck Nekkid and Michael Parry)

BOLO

Newly released audio files show that the Marine Corps called 911 after one of their F-35 fighter jets went missing in South Carolina last September.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SEND THIS MAN TO WASHINGTON

A Japanese man who made a living from letting people rent him to do absolutely nothing says he now does it for fun

(Thanks to Tim Couch)

UH-OH

DPD has disabled part of its online support chatbot after it swore at a customer.

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says "Isn't this how Terminator started?")

GET A ROOM

Amorous fish blamed for mysterious sound around Florida bay

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

These Tiny Creatures Become Cannibals After Sex Turns Deadly

(Thanks to Suzie  Wacvet)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

The World Hasn’t Seen Cicadas Like This Since 1803

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

THEY GAVE THE BULLDOG HIS BITE

Winston Churchill’s wartime false teeth are up for sale

(Thanks to Steve K)

SO MUCH FOR THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

A Latrobe Valley man has had his Lego collection confiscated after police seized more than $600,000 worth of drugs.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AND IN SPORTS

Zamboni driver fired for peeing in drain accuses Red Wings of cover-up in bombshell lawsuit

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD LET US GO STRAIGHT TO THE FRONT OF THE STARBUCKS LINE AND NOT MAKE US WAIT BEHIND THE LATTE PEOPLE

Black coffee drinkers have psychopathic tendencies

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

*EVERYBODY* SHOULD BE CONCERNED

What is squirrelpox and should Canadians be concerned?

(Thanks to The Perts)

CANADA SINKS EVER DEEPER INTO CHAOS

Tobogganing ban at dozens of Toronto parks ignites anger toward city council

(Thanks to The Perts)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

3:58 a.m. A woman, who had recently had a kidney transplant, suspected doctors had implanted some mechanical devices that allowed the police to control her body and wanted them to switch them off.

9:09 a.m. A woman was kicked out of a casino for yelling at the Christmas tree.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

UH-OH

Plant-inspired bot self-assembles, shoots up like vine

(Thanks to Alan West)