Dave Barry's Blog

ALWAYS CARRY EXTRAS

Woman arrested with 130 poisonous frogs in her luggage

(Thanks to Mezrap, who says "Anything to declare?")

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Escaped monkey on the loose in Scottish Highlands

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

AND OF COURSE IT'S FAKE

Finally, Body Hair Is Being Normalized on Runways

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

IT'S IN THE MIRROR, SO YOU KNOW IT'S IMPORTANT

People vow to stop holding farts in as doctor warns it could come out your mouth

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Who holds farts?")

WE'D READ THIS, BUT WE'D IMMEDIATELY FORGET WHATEVER IT SAID

Doctors Reveal Exactly What Happens To Your Brain After You Turn 50

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

We’ve finally found out what makes urine yellow

(Thanks to Frank)

STRICTLY FOR PERSONAL USE, OFFICER DUDES

A pair of cruise passengers were arrested after authorities searched their luggage and found 112 bags of marijuana

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THIS CHECKS OUT

Ex-US Army man claims two 'blue' aliens said 'there's 135 billion humans out there'

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT TROMBONE ACCOMPANIMENT

7 King Cakes Stolen From New Orleans Bakery In A Very Mardi Gras Way

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FACEBOOK

We're aware that the Facebook page (not the Dave Barry Fans one administered by Sue) has been hacked. We're trying to hack our way through the Facebook bureaucracy to fix it. Thanks to those of you who alerted us.

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

Repeated sexual failures cause social stress in fruit flies, study shows

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Wee won’t back down: English council stands by littering fines for wild peeing

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid, who says "We might as well tear up the Magna Carta!")

WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, EXCEPT FOR THE PART ABOUT THE CATS

A woman in China has decided to leave her $2.8m fortune to her dogs and cats and nothing to her children, says report

(Thanks to EricY)

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of 64 Canadian geese to pass Earth Tuesday

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

5 asteroids, including one the size of a sports stadium, expected to pass near Earth

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

THIS CALLS FOR A CLASS-ACTION LAWSUIT

A new study suggests the Milky Way contains less dark matter than previously thought

(Thanks to The Perts, who ask "Should we worry about this?")

DOGS HAVE NEEDS, TOO

Milwaukee dog disappears; located at bar mile from home, having fun

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

THE WORD IS ‘HERO’

Boyfriend busted for dressing in drag to take career exam for girlfriend

(Thanks to Frank)

CSI: TEXAS

Suspected oxtail thief arrested again with hundreds of dollars in packaged meats

(Thanks to Rick Stevenson, who says "There is nothing lower than an oxtail thief.")

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

An Asteroid 5 Giraffes Wide Will Fly Near Earth This Week

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA CONTINUES ITS TERRIFYING DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO TOTAL ANARCHY

Beaver spotted on Toronto waterfront unfazed by public, works on building dam

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE SIZE SHOULD BE A HINT

"Squirrel Sized” Rats Invading Homes in Central New York and No One Knows Why 

(Thanks to Ron T)

KENTUCKY NIGHTLIFE UPDATE

A chain of Kentucky convenience stores are attracting visitors and going viral online for an unusual feature: a button that turns the bathroom into a disco dance party.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Circle K Clerk Battered With Chocolate Egg

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

PLAIN AS DAY

Tourist ‘saw Loch Ness monster’ and says it’s not the colour CBBC would have us believe

(Thanks to John Lobert)

OBVIOUSLY THEY'RE ELECTING A LEADER

An unprecedented 1,000 manatees are gathering in Florida this week – but why?

(Thanks to vee)

DUH

With just weeks to live, these marsupials prioritize sex over sleep

(Thanks to vee)

THERE IS FUN, AND THEN THERE IS COLLECTOR FUN

California man collects 1,136 hotel keycards, earns world record

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Billions of cicadas are set to appear in a rare ‘double brood emergence,’ scientists say

(Thanks to Ron T)

AND IN SPORTS

Egyptian soccer officials sacrifice cow for better fortune at Africa Cup

(Thanks to EricY)

CSI: MANVILLE

NJ house vandalized with pepperoni: ‘As an Italian, it hurts the heart’

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT HAS THIS BLOG'S FULL SUPPORT

A member of the Missouri Senate has proposed a rule change that, if passed, would allow senators to challenge each other to a duel.

(Thanks to Ralph and John Lobert, who says "Send this rule to Washington!")

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Drivers on a highway north of Quebec City were slowed down Tuesday after a moose sauntered onto the road.

(Thanks to EricY)

THANK GOD FOR EXPERTS

Should you flush with the lid open or closed? Experts have a new theory

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

THEN WHY EVEN HAVE AMBULANCES?

Ambulance service confirms ‘eating too much kebab’ is not a valid reason to call

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "We can assure you that it IS.")

WHOA

Exclusive Video: Eagle Takes Off with Full-Grown Deer

(Thanks to Rick Day)

They're probably just friends.

SO IT'S AVAILABLE

Happisburgh SHAG group changes name over rude acronym

(Thanks to Ann Farr)

TURNS OUT IT'S VERY SMALL

Physicists Just Learned Something Major About the Proton

(Thanks to EricY)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Flight delayed by penguin on the runway at New Zealand airport

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOBODY TELL OREGON

kirk Dead 30ft whale washes up on Scots beach after Storm Jocelyn as experts warn locals to stay away

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT HAY

Amish horse and buggy stolen from Walmart parking lot while family shopped

(Thanks to Nancy Gill, Jay Brandes and Linda Schutjer)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER THE LION PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Thai police to charge two over pet lion spotted cruising in Bentley

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

YOU KNOW WHERE THIS MOTORIST WAS HEADED

A motorist removed a barricade and road closure sign from a road shut by a landslide before driving “directly” into a large hole in the roadway, Tillamook County sheriff’s officials said in a news release.

(Thanks to MOTW, Barry Nester, Robert Moats and EricY) 

ALWAYS CARRY A SPARE

Delta Boeing 757 airplane loses tire moments before takeoff in Atlanta: ‘Sounds like we got a problem’

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of two ducks impacts above Germany

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO REGISTER CHICKENS

Delray Beach Woman Throws Chicken At Man, Stabs Him, Is Jailed

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

Estonian politician's unpleasant haircut goes viral

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS PRECISELY WHY WE NEED THE DEATH PENALTY

People are playing pickleball in the airport.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WE'VE ALL DONE IT

Teen facing charges for allegedly taping fish to ATMs in Provo

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S AN EXTREMELY DELICATE OPERATION

US Today Show makes awkward King Charles blunder as closed caption reads he is to undergo 'prostitute surgery'

(Thanks to MOTW)

'GIVE ME THE MONEY PLEASE THANK YOU'

Three days after acquittal on bank robbery charges, man accused of robbing another Chicago bank with equally polite note

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)