Dave Barry's Blog

OBJECTION

Ohio attorney suspended for tossing poop-filled Pringles can

(Thanks to Gregory Snow, Charles Cates, GJ and Andrew Mendez, who says "I thought this was a free country.")

THANKS, BOFFINS

Daily Star victory as boffins concede it's fine to call them boffins – if the boffin likes it

(Thanks to Ralph)

YET WE NEVER COMPLAIN

Man flu is real after all as boffins conclude blokes 'suffer more' than women

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Al Barkafski)

NEWS YOU CAN USE

Our galaxy’s black hole spins fast and drags space-time with it, scientists say

(Thanks to The Perts and Ron T)

DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS?

Drug Suspect Claims Someone Put Meth In His Underwear While He Slept

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, Barry Nester and Frank)

'YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT YOUR DESTINATION'

Ancient murrelet diving bird confirmed on Chickamauga Lake is thousands of miles off course

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says "He was using Google Maps.")

WE'RE GUESSING WEED IS INVOLVED

Why do Dutch people wear pancakes on their heads on 29 November?

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Smart Toilet Bursts into Flames as Someone Is Using It

(Thanks to Annette, Buck Nekkid and Ralph)

SO IT'S JUST MAC

Kraft’s newest Mac & Cheese is ditching cheese

(Thanks to vee)

IN THE RESTAURANT'S DEFENSE, SHE WAS NOT CHARGED EXTRA

A diner at N.Y. restaurant Chopt says her salad came with a finger in it

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Jay Brandes, Charles Cates, EricY and Nelson from Michigan)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Loose pig ends up on Ontario highway

(Thanks to The Perts and John Lobert)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Venomous snake rescued from energy drink can

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S WHAT SPIDERS DO WHEN THEY'RE FEELING ROMANTIC

Wolf spider lays eggs in British man’s toe on romantic cruise

(Thanks to John Lobert and Matt Filar)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Large ram or goat shuts down recycling center in England

(Thanks to MOTW and John Lobert, who says "Send this ram [or goat] to Washington!")

FOR THE HANDYPERSON ON YOUR LIST

A Japanese precision part manufacturing factory recently went viral for its bizarre new product – a line of hammers shaped like realistic bananas.

(Thanks to Ralph and Annette)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

An ex-con with a lengthy rap sheet who is prohibited from carrying a handgun had a Smith & Wesson pistol stashed in his rectum when he was booked into jail early this morning, according to an Indiana police report.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid, Emily, Leslie and w and Frank)

DIDN'T THIS ALSO HAPPEN TO MOSES?

Google apologizes after map led drivers down dirt path into the desert

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE KNOW WHERE HE WAS HEADED

Police in Ann Arbor, Michigan, were led on a chase of a stolen forklift they say was being driven by a 12-year-old.

(Thanks to Robert Moats, B&C and Dave Vander Ark)

NORTH MIAMI BEACH DINING REPORT

Florida woman tries to eat counterfeit cash during arrest for Walmart scam, police say

(Thanks to Robert Moats and Buck Nekkid)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU MAY RESUME EXTERMINATING

Florida pest, lawn worker exposes self to 2 customers while on the job, claims zipper was broken

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

FOURTEEN OF THEM ARE THE ENGLISH MUFFIN

British food: 20 best dishes

(Thanks to Ron T)

COOL BUGGY, DUDE

Inside the booming business of Amish cannabis farmers

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

NEVER MIX ALCOHOL AND CHINESE FOOD

Man didn’t know he had chopsticks lodged in his brain for five months

(Thanks to Annette, Michael Parry, John Lobert, Buck Nekkid and Michael Parry)

AND IN SPORTS

‘I have frozen my penis,’ says Swedish cross-country skier Calle Halfvarsson after racing in icy temperatures

(Thanks to Steve K, Buck Nekkid and GJ)

NEBRASKA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Woman Bags Marriage Proposal Shortly After Killing Big Buck

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Romance may not be dead, but the buck wasn’t so lucky.")

AN ANCIENT TRADITION

Rescue beaver makes Christmas dam in house

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THERE’S ALSO — REALLY — A ‘MENORAH-BASA’

Back Mountain artist creates 'kielbasa' themed Christmas cards

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

ALERT LEVEL: HIGHEST

Ridley Scott Tells Off French Critics Who Dislike ‘Napoleon’: ‘The French Don’t Even Like Themselves’

(Thanks to Ralph)

STAY CLASSY, AIR TRAVELERS

A woman has drawn screams from her fellow passengers after pulling down her clothes and threatening to urinate in the aisle of a plane.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

TAKE A BOO... WE MEAN, TAKE A BOW, PHILLY

NFL players decide most annoying fan bases in anonymous poll

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

Disneyland streaker arrested after wandering around ‘It’s a Small World’ ride'

(Thanks to Miss Sophie Barry)

THANKSGIVING IS OVER, PEOPLE

Time to untangle those holiday lights.

SNOBS

Aliens Are Out There — But They Probably Don’t Care About Us

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

AND IN SPORTS

UK wins Japan’s first world championship of competitive rubbish collection

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

BOLO II

Doorbell camera captures robot vacuum's escape

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

BOLO

World's largest iceberg breaks free

(Thanks to Robert Moats and EricY)

DON'T TELL OREGON

Near 60-foot razorback whale washes up on Copalis Beach Airport runway

(Thanks to Ralph)

REST EASY, GEORGIA

Pet kangaroo captured safely after escape in Georgia

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says "bet the squirrels turned him in.")

NEED A CLASSY GIFT FOR A SPECIAL GUY?

Your search is over.

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet and John Lobert)

GUESS THE STATE

Woman Asks Cops Not To Seize Her Adult Toy

(Thanks to Michael Parry, Barry Nester, Buck Nekkid, John Lobert and Al Barkafski)

AND THEY COULD HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Dinosaurs could exist on alien planets, study claims

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

UPDATE

Relief in Netherlands as 'escaped' mamba never left home

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Notify France to stand down.")

POISED?

Medicinal leeches poised for comeback in Scottish Highlands

(Thanks to The Perts)

EVERYBODY GET INDOORS

‘What the heck is going on?’ Extremely high-energy particle detected falling to Earth

(Thanks to The Perts)

$2 MILLION DOESN'T BUY AS MUCH FOUNTAIN AS IT USED TO

New $2 Million Water Fountain in Vienna Slammed as World’s Ugliest

(Thanks to Ralph)

Somewhere a preschool is missing a bunch of clay.

'THE COMPANY HAS ACKNOWLEDGED TO PASSENGERS THAT IT HAS NO SHIP'

The three-year cruise is canceled

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

TRYING TO CATCH THE EXPRESS TRAIN TO FLORIDA

Driver arrested after SUV jumps curb, gets jammed inside NYC subway station entrance

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Barry Nester)

CANADA PLUNGES EVEN DEEPER INTO ANARCHY

First a chicken on the subway, now a deer at Union Station — Toronto transit riders saw plenty of animal disruptions this week

(Thanks to B&C)

HELLO, FARMERS?

Authorities believe this Renault Clio Campus was struck by a meteorite

(Thanks to Frank)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Woman accused of selling drugs is found hiding down back of a sofa

(Thanks to John Lobert)