Dave Barry's Blog

STILL GRIPPING ITS VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida man finds fully intact mammoth jaw while diving in alligator-infested waters

(Thanks to Pauller, who says "No wonder the mammoths went extinct.")

IT SAYS OUR WARRANTY IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE

Earth Just Received A Laser-Beamed Message From 16 Million Kilometers Away

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

YET ANOTHER PRESTIGIOUS HONOR

(Thanks to ubetcha)

A GRATEFUL WORLD REJOICES

Snoop Dogg isn’t quitting weed after all

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

CSI: CANADA

Police in Mission, B.C., say they are seeking the owner of half a kilogram of cocaine that was hidden in a public restroom's ceiling and anyone who wants to claim the drugs should bring "proof of purchase."

(Thanks to Worry Pas, B&C and Doug Ogg)

FLORIDA DRIVER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

'Upset' Florida man, 76, backs over staff member at car show after he was kicked out, police say

Hey, the man was upset.

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "What else could he do?")

GUY BATS IN ACTION

Serotine bats use penises in bizarre way during sex, scientists say

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid, Linda Schutjer, Robert Moats and Ralph)

AND IN DENTAL SPORTS

Kalpana Balan has six more teeth in her mouth than the average adult, earning her the record for the most teeth in a person's mouth (female), Guinness World Records announced.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AS WE WERE PROMISED

Out-of-control Tesla flies over swimming pool, crashes into California home

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

THEY GROW UP SO FAST

Toddler pulls handgun from mother’s purse, fires shot inside Ohio Walmart

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Wallace and Gromit studio Aardman Animations running out of clay

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

4:38 a.m. A man was fearful that the Jehovah’s Witnesses were after him.

9:33 a.m. A man was banned from entering a church after he mooned someone during a service.

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

BUT IT DID HAVE A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

A car with no driver narrowly missed a trooper’s vehicle before crashing into a car parked at a Northern Michigan gas station.

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

EVEN WORSE

‘Cougar’ Spotted In Oregon That Kicked Off City-Wide Warning Was Actually A House Cat

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

BECAUSE YOU NEED MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

Sex toys can cause diabetes, scientists warn

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THOSE WERE SOME CONFUSED CARP

The newest offering, much like every other year, features scantily clad or naked models posing with giant carp - who were caught just before they were handed to the girls to hold while they posed.

(Thanks to Annette)