Dave Barry's Blog

THE DOG WAS RELEASED AFTER ETC.

Motorist fined after dog seen behind wheel of car

(Thanks to Holland Daze)

ALERT LEVEL: HIGHEST

Bedbug crisis sparks political row in Paris as insect ‘scourge’ continues

(Thanks to The Perts and Ron T)

A CAUSE WE CAN ALL GET BEHIND

ASTRONOMERS CALL FOR MORE DISCO BALLS AT SCIENTIFIC FACILITIES

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

EVIDENTLY THESE BUILDINGS WERE BETWEEN HIM AND FLORIDA

A New Jersey man deliberately drove his SUV into a home and the offices of a municipal police department last week, authorities announced Friday.

(Thanks to EricY)

WE THINK THOSE ARE OURS

Sandals found in bat cave are thousands of years old, study finds

(Thanks to vee, who says "Bats used to wear shoes?")

MIAMI WILDLIFE UPDATE

This guy approached us on our walk this morning, looking for food. Or possibly money. He did not specify.

WE'RE BEYOND SHOCKED. WE'RE GOBSMACKED.

“So, ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ started as a sex game,” UK-based historian and podcaster Katie Charlwood revealed to her shocked TikTok audience of more than 354,000.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CSI: JONESBORO, ARK.

Body camera records officer's foot chase with trespassing chicken

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "FCWTC, BTW, was a great opening band.")

AS IF THE SNAKES AND SPIDERS WEREN'T ENOUGH

Australians are also being terrorized by swooping magpies.

(Thanks to Mary Smith and Rodney Bertelsen)

THE NEWS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

Nationwide pet insurance announced a New York cat who ended up folded up in a sofa bed was awarded the Hambone Award for the most unusual pet insurance claim of the year.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'ROUND THESE PARTS WE HANG COW-BLEACHERS

Wyoming Ranchers Accused Of Bleaching Penis Shapes Onto Neighbor’s Cows

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid)

HOW THE WELL-DRESSED FLORIDIAN ACCESSORIZES

He was hiding 5 lobster tails in pants and a snapper in shirt

BEWARE THE HUMUNGA KOWABUNGA

Couple Sues After B-Day Trip to Disney World Is Ruined by ‘Painful Wedgie’

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

NYPD rolls out subway surveillance robot to patrol Times Square station

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who notes that these things don't always work out as planned.)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY' DOES NOTHING

‘Squirrels Have Gone Wild’ Celebrating An Acorn Surplus

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Rodney Bertelsen)

'HE'S LICKING. NO, HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ON SCREEN.'

Pet psychic says you need to ask animal's permission before taking their picture

(Thanks to Ralph)

STING OPERATION

Vacuum containing hundreds of hornets stolen from Philadelphia beekeeper's truck

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE IS SOUL...

...and then there is the Secretary of State singing "Hoochie Coochie Man" at a diplomatic event.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FOR SOME OF US, THIS IS EVERY DAY

It's National Drink Beer Day.

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

Phillies deny emotional support alligator from entering ballpark

(Thanks to Ron T and Michael Parry)

CSI: EAST UNION TOWNSHIP

$10,000 worth of garbage bags stolen from truck

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

NEED A TRIM?

The Rise of the Nudist Barbershop

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Now you can be itchy all over.")

Advisory: Photo of a naked butt.

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Texas family repeatedly attacked by out-of-control pig

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

For the first time, research reveals crows use statistical logic

(Thanks to Tim Couch)

UP UP AND AWAYYYYYYYYY

A British Airways pilot has been sacked after reports he snorted cocaine off a topless woman before trying to fly a passenger plane back to London.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN'T DO?

Global warming could turn many people into drunks and drug users, study claims

(Thanks to Ron T, who says "We are there now.")

AND IN 'SPORTS'

Chess grandmaster Hans Niemann ‘categorically’ denies using vibrating sex toys to cheat in the sport

(Thanks to Ron T, The Perts and Steve K., who says "the batteries don't last long enough.")

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Why was an engraving of a modern bicycle found in an ancient temple?

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

BROOKS ROBINSON

Brooks Robinson, the great Baltimore Orioles third baseman, has died. I once played in a charity baseball game with him, during which he gave me some sound advice. He was a nice guy, and very funny. RIP, Brooks.

Photo by Joe Reilly

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Woman, 30, Nabbed For Frozen Chicken Battery On Daughter

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Michael Parry, who asks "What choice did she have?")

GUESS THE STATE

DUI suspect on lawn mower nabbed while making beer run

(Thanks to Ron T and Rick Day)

GUYS IN ACTION

Frogs have been trying to mate with odd things for 220 million years

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

IF THAT'S NOT FAMILY FUN, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS

Teacher busted after students find her meth at family fun night

(Thanks to MOTW)

'IT TASTES OF COW AND SHEEP FATS AND MILK'

Soap Company Boss Eats His Own Product to Prove That It’s All-Natural

(Thanks to Ralph)

EVER WONDER WHO'S ON THE OTHER END WHEN YOU CONTACT CUSTOMER ASSISTANCE?

Wonder no more.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOFFINS HITTING THE BONG AGAIN

Transformer-style 'radioactive metal aliens' may exist in the universe, claim boffins

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

VETERINARIANS RECOMMEND NO MORE THAN 37

'Incredibly lucky' Malton cat recovers after eating 43 hairbands

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOUR PANTS DON'T FIT

Our entire galaxy is warping, and a gigantic blob of dark matter could be to blame

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THEY (WE REFER TO THE LLAMAS) HAVE ALL PASSED THE FLORIDA BAR

Therapy llamas help law students in Sacramento relax

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Guinea Pig Spa Days

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

AUSTRALIAN POLITICS STARTING TO RESEMBLE AUSTRALIAN WILDLIFE

NT Chief Minister Natasha Fyles allegedly assaulted with cream-covered pancake at Nightcliff Markets

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

HOLD OFF ON THAT MORTGAGE PAYMENT

The formation of a supercontinent on Earth could wipe out humans and any other mammals that are still around in 250m years, according to a study.

(Thanks to Doug, Ron T. and Jim Kenaston)

'COULD BE'

This Flying Car Just Wowed the Detroit Auto Show. It Could Be in the Skies by 2025.

(Thanks to Ron Wylie, who says "Mark your calendar.")

CSI: K'GARI

Dingo burglarizes boat, steals purse and snacks

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Considering the continent, I’m shocked that it didn’t also eat the tourists.")

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

An underground network of wildlife lovers are illegally ‘beaver bombing’ local rivers: ‘They are the heroes of our time’

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

BOLO

Police warn of 20 naked, garter-wearing men spotted in Fukuoka suburb

(Thanks to Buck Nekkid and Ralph)

WE ALL GET THE MUNCHIES

Airport Security Officer Caught on Video Apparently Eating Wads of Cash Taken from Traveler

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS

PIÑATA HIT TAKES OUT THREE PARTYGOERS

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ATTENTION, HALLMARK CHANNEL:

I met my true love in the dog park. He invited me on a date to pick up 600 pounds of frozen rats and a baby owl.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

UNLIKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

A species of jellyfish carrying one of the most deadly venoms in the world is capable of learning despite not having a brain, new research shows

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Florida drivers have been doing this for years.")