Dave Barry's Blog

THAT THAR BE A BIG CHIP, ME HEARTIES

Doritos set a world record when the company used a helicopter to dip a giant chip into a cheese mixture and reportedly stretched the cheese 49 feet without breaking.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

BEWARRRRRRR

Up to 8,000 mink are on the loose in Pennsylvania, and residents are being encouraged to stay away from them.

WHARRRRRRRR ELSE WOULD IT BE?

Police find pig wandering loose on Bacon Creek Road

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE BE A ARRRRDENT FAN

Buffalo Bills fan found naked, covered in human waste after falling down hole by Highmark Stadium

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

'AYY, THE SCURVY DEEDS Of THE SCALLYWAG BE PLAIN TO SEE'

The Bible, translated into pirate talk

(Thanks to Mike Ester)

'ARRRRRRRRRRTIST'

Danish artist told to repay museum €67,000 after turning in blank canvasses

(Thanks to Barrrrrrry Nester, Sean T and Ralph)

GOT A SPARRRRRE BEDROOM?

Now Available: 2,000 Rhinos, Free to Good Homes With Plenty of Space

(Thanks to Barrrrrrrry Nester, Al Barrrrrrrrkafski, Michael Parrrrrrry and Roberto)

IT BE THE SQUARRRRELS

Something Mysterious Appears to Be Suppressing the Universe's Growth, Scientists Say

(Thanks to Barrrrrrry Nester and Michael Parrrrrrry)

IT BE THE ARRRRRMPITS

What Causes “Old Person Smell”?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THEN THE SHARRRRRK ATE 'EM, ME HEARTIES

Massive mako shark stranded on Florida beach saved by swimmers

(Thanks to EricY)

ALL RISE, ME HEARTIES

...for the Piratical Anthem.

(Thanks to Sharon Brennan)

SO CLAIMS N-P-ARRRRRRR

Opinion: Did pirates really talk like that? Arrrguably, no.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

TODAY BE THE DAY, ME HEARTIES

It be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. 

Suggested conversation starrrrrter: “Well, at a tavern, for instance, you might ask the attractive bar maid, ‘Excuse me, but can I put me monkey pump in your bunghole?'”