Dave Barry's Blog

ALL WE KNOW AT THIS POINT IS THAT HE HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Hikers spot mysterious spear-wielding ‘wolf man’ in German mountains

(Thanks to Barry Nester and John Lobert)

HELLO, FARMERS?

Wrecked Supercar Carrier Spills Lamborghini, Ferrari, Audi R8, and More

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Spain busts record 9.5 tons of cocaine hidden in a banana shipment from Ecuador

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

ONE STAR

A woman in Wisconsin says she found snakes all around the hotel she was staying at: in the pool, in the hot tub, and even in the hallway slithering under a door into a guest's room

(Thanks to EricY and Rick Day)

ANY DECADE NOW

Bay Area startup gets federal approval to test flying car

(Thanks to veee)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

6 a.m. A cat got its head stuck in a chip bag.

(Thanks to Roberto)

THE CANADIAN HOUSING CRISIS

Decommissioned Boeing 727 up for auction in Abbotsford. Want to live in it?

(Thanks to Roberto and The Perts)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Python Hides Behind Photo Frame Hanging In Australia Home

A bizarre flesh-like growth found in a woman’s backyard has left some Aussies stunned, and others just ‘creeped out’.

(Thanks to Ralph)

FORTUNATELY SIRI HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Tesla App Update Lets Siri Control Your Car

(Thanks to EricY)

'TARGETED'

Fast, Flying Cars Targeted for US Market

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE WAS AWARDED POSTHUMOUSLY

Remote-controlled car breaks speed record, explodes

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MUG SHOT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man charged with DUI in children’s Power Wheels Jeep

"Is there a problem, officer?"

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "He's going to have to recharge somewhere on the way to Florida.")

MEANWHILE IN THE WAR ON TERRORISM

A travel blogger arriving in Perth was slapped with an almost $2000 fine after stepping off the plane in Australia with a single rose.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

NOW *THAT* IS SPICY

Nixa woman uses spicy tortilla chip to start house fire, police say

(Thanks to Nancy Gill and John Lobert, who says "Those things shouldn't be in civilian hands.")

POLICE ARE HOPING THEY'LL SQUAWK

Man with three parrots wanted for robbery in Fairfax County

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SENIOR GUYS IN ACTION

Elderly man bites snake that had wrapped his leg while sleeping

(Thanks to Pauller)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

Floridians should avoid wrestling armadillos unless necessary

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

THEY CAN BE DEADLY

The Americana at Brand mall in Glendale was evacuated Thursday night after someone left a toilet near a movie theater with a note claiming it was a bomb, police said.

(Thanks to man tom)

At least the Bomb Squad had something to go on.

Update: Suspect Arrested After Leaving Possible "Exploding Toilet" Outside LA Mall

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

SO PRETTY MUCH NORMAL FOR A FLORIDA DRIVER

Moment Orlando's first self-driving shuttle bus CRASHES just two days after launch

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ron T)

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT EXPERTS?

How many times you should wipe after going No. 2, according to an expert

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

CANADA PLUNGES EVEN DEEPER INTO ANARCHY

Kimberly-Clark is discontinuing its consumer facial tissue business in Canada, citing “unique complexities.”

(Thanks to The Perts)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

British sewage engineers find small quack in underground pipe

(Thanks to B&C)

WILDLIFE CONTINUES TO GET WILDER

Michigan woman finds alligator outside home in Metro Detroit

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

A Texas police officer responded to an unusual call when a woman reported a loose snake was preventing her from reaching her car in a parking lot.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Robert Moats)

AND IN SPORTS

Swedish man eats 13.85 ounces of fermented fish in one minute

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

UPDATE

Groom gets new passport in time for wedding after dog ate it

(Thanks to The Perts)

MAKES SENSE TO US

Through Pouring Water Into The Great Salt Lake, One Group Hopes to Submerge All of Utah

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

A morbid history of feet in shoes washing up on B.C. beaches

(Thanks to The Perts)

WISCONSIN: THE HAUTE CUISINE STATE

Wisconsin company makes world's longest meat stick

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER NOBEL PRIZE

This Device Will Cool You Down by Waving Your Shirt

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE UPSIDE: THEY'RE RELATIVELY GOOD DRIVERS

Caution: Monkeys — Florida officials warn residents amid simian sightings

(Thanks to WYSIWYG, John Lobert and The Perts)

WE HAVE SOME SUGGESTIONS

Scientists reveal best people to send to colonise Mars and how many would have to go

(Thanks to Annette)

HEY, IT WAS JUST THE ONE FOOT

Michigan man suing Olive Garden after finding rat's foot in bowl of soup

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Now with extra protein!")

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A... LOOK OUT!

A Space Junk Removal Mission Got Struck By Space Junk

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AUSTRALIA SAYS: AND?

Aliens could be spiders the size of elephants, Richard Dawkins claims

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'VE ALL HAD HOUSEGUESTS LIKE THIS

A California man's home security camera was recording when a bear broke into his apartment, foraged for food, wrecked his TV and took a nap on his bed.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

THE WORD IS ‘HERO’

Watch as a cop chases a runaway port-a-potty being blown down the street

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

DON'T MESS WITH DALLAS MAN

Dallas man shoots through door at suspects posing as maintenance workers

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

CSI: COWETA COUNTY

Man Arrested for Allegedly Stealing Neighbor's Front Porch in Georgia

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

IT'S A TRICK, AND THE CHICKEN WAS IN ON IT

Baby squirrel rescued after being adopted by chicken

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

GUYS (PRESUMABLY SINGLE) IN ACTION

Man With Too Much Time Creates Color Gradient Collection of Dung Beetles

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN CASE YOU WERE AFRAID THAT WE MIGHT BE RUNNING OUT OF MORONS

Fyre Festival 2 tickets are now on sale – and selling out

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNLESS THEY CONSENT IN WRITING

ATTENTION CALIFORNIA, STOP KISSING TURTLES!

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

HEADED EAST, WE ASSUME

Car plows into Arizona beauty salon, narrowly missing man

(Thanks to EricY)

RAISE HIS ALLOWANCE

Teenager punches bear in face to save father from attack

(Thanks to MOTW)

'THE NUMBER YOU HAVE REACHED IS NOT IN SERVICE'

Astronomers hopeful of receiving an alien reply today after beaming message out into space 40 years ago

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

MARK YOUR CALENDAR

Vermont’s hunting season for Gray Squirrels opens September

(Thanks to Annette)

'SOON'

FLYING CARS MAY SOON BECOME A REALITY AS THIS TEST MODEL-A IS OPEN FOR PREORDERS

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

The Beijing Bikini.

(Thanks to John 

MAN'S BEST FRIEND

Dog eats owner's passport one week before destination wedding

(Thanks to John Lobert, The Perts and B&C)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS FRANCE

'Nude Tour de France' Banned in Several Cities After Decades of Issue-Free Races

(Thanks to Robert Moats)