Dave Barry's Blog

TO BE FAIR, THIS IS A LOW BAR

'Most exciting' photos ever taken of Loch Ness Monster emerge after shy owner hid them

URGENT BREAKING BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN: Loch Ness Monster seen in 'first ever video' after thermal imaging drone spotted 'mass'

BELIEVE YOUR EYES, PEOPLE:

(Thanks to John Lobert)

STAND TALL, KNOXVILE

Knoxville woman sets record with world’s longest mullet

BECAUSE YOU NEED MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

Is 14-legged killer squid found TWO MILES beneath Antarctica being weaponised by Putin?

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

A woman was left “gobsmacked” after finding an Airbnb listing charging more than £400 – for a night in a tent in someone’s back garden.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

Man pulled over for driving with massive bull named Howdy Doody riding shotgun in Nebraska

(Thanks to Michael Parry, Debbie Van Hees, Rick Day, John Lobert, Annette and Not My Usual Alias)

We assume it goes without saying that the bull produced a valid Florida driver's license.

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Moment lavish wedding reception descends into a mass brawl as guests punch and hurl chairs at each other

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AND IN SPORTS II

Thousands swarm city's streets for massive food fight

(Thanks to Ron T)

WE SAW H.T.H. OPEN FOR E.L.O.

Hot Testicle Hypothesis May Explain Why Elephants Evolved Anti-Cancer Genes

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

BECAUSE THEY CAN

Why Highly Radioactive Wild Pigs Wreak Havoc in Germany

(Thanks to Robert Moats, who says "pork chops that can cook themselves.")

FLORIDIANS IN THE HURRICANE

Finding ways to cope.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

Bloke catches huge 42lb fish morning after spotting silhouette of massive carp in the clouds

(Thanks to Ralph)

PROBABLY FROM CANADA

Giant inflatable ducks make a mysterious return to Maine harbor

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS, DUDE

Pungent Pot Smell Engulfs U.S. Open Court: 'Like Snoop Dogg's Living Room'

(Thanks to Matt Filar, Michael Parry and EricY)

THE WORSENING CANADIAN CRISES CONTINUES TO GET WORSE

Canadians frustrated as new passports prone to bending

(Thanks to B&C)

NEEDLESS TO SAY IT PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Driver with parrot perched on shoulder stopped by police on M62

(Thanks to Nicholas Read, who says "Aargh, stay in left lane me hearties [note we parrots fly on left in UK]")

ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

Wasp spotted holding cigarette in Israel's Mitzpe Ramon

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Dead leopard on the A646 turned out to be ‘some tart’s coat’

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

A DAY OF CELEBRATION

World’s oldest chicken is 21

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "I saw it in the heated display case at the convenience store.")

WE'RE LIVE

TV news crew reporting on Chicago robberies robbed at gunpoint

(Thanks to The Perts and Doug Ogg)

ANYTHING TO DECLARRRRRRRGGGGHH

Queens woman karate-chopped Customs officer at JFK Airport

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS

World Gravy Wrestling Championships makes a messy return as it delights fans once again

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

The grass that’s greener in drought-stricken B.C. might have been painted

North Vancouver disc golf conflicts still simmering

Load of 5 million bees falls off truck in Burlington, Ont., police issue warning

(Thanks to The Perts)

NOPE

The Double Mustache

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS HIGHLIGHTS FROM 1967

Batman vs. Joker and a Shark in Gotham City Surf Contest'

Check out the "cool" surfer "lingo."

(Thanks to Mr. Josh Kelly, drummer for the world famous [but not always in a good way] Rock Bottom Remainders)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

A monster python has been spotted slithering across the roof of a family's home and through treetops in their garden.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Jim Kenaston)

AW

'Baby Dinosaur' Filmed Running Through Yard

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

OR THEY'VE BEEN DRINKING

Family found walking on all fours 'could be missing link between man and ape'

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WE NEED TO STOP IMPORTING THIS OBJECT

4,000 Americans are hospitalized each year with a 'foreign object' lodged in their rectums, finds 'first-of-its-kind' study

(Thanks to Roberto)

FEELING FORGETFUL?

Do not click here.

(Thanks to The Perts, Linda Schutjer and Holland Daze)

IT WOULD BE MORE IMPRESSIVE IF (A) THE SURFER STOOD UP, AND (B) THE SHARK WASN'T DEAD

Surfer Catches Wave With An Actual Shark On Top Of His Surfboard In Most Australian Video Of The Year

(Thanks to Ralph)

AT LEAST HE'S HONEST

Florida man arrested for DUI wearing 'I'm the Reason the Beer's Always Gone' t-shirt

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S PRESEASON, PEOPLE

After-game brawl between 49ers, Raiders fans erupts at California In-N-Out

(Thanks to EricY)

IT HAS SPOTS?

‘Loch Ness Monster’ is ‘spotted’ on drone footage from wild camper

There can be no doubters now.

Urgent Update: Loch Ness Monster hunters hear 'four distinctive noises' in biggest search for 50 years

Distinctive noises! Four of them! What more proof do you need?

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Even More Urgent Update: Massive Loch Ness Monster search produces no evidence of mythical creature

Of course that's what they want you to believe.

(Thanks to EricY)

SHE HAD HER REASONS

Police say a woman has been arrested after attacking cars with a meat cleaver in a Central New York store parking lot.

(Thanks to Chris)

IS THERE A CONSOLATION NOBEL PRIZE?

Scientist Wears Giant Bird Head for a Year to Befriend Real Birds, Fails

(Thanks to Annette)

MAGAZINES ARE NATURAL

Expert shares natural solutions to prevent spiders from creeping into your home

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Move out of Australia.")

AND IN SPORTS

Bog Snorkeling

(Thanks to John W. and Jim Kenaston)

SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT

A video is going viral on the internet which shows YouTubers blending TV, fridge, boat, and golf balls in a gigantic blender.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOW YOU TELL US

The Exact Age When You Make Your Best Financial Decisions

(Thanks to Steve K.)

FINALLY WE GET AN ANSWER

Why Your Poop Might Look Narrow

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

A LITTLE TOO EMPOWERING

Iggy Azalea claims her message of female empowerment upset Saudi Arabian authorities after her raunchy concert in Riyadh was cut short by police when her pants SPLIT on stage

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

'THIS IS A MARRIAGE THAT WILL LAST FOR MY LIFETIME'

He was a lifelong bachelor. Now he's getting married at age 93

(Thanks to B&C)

THEY'RE UP TO SOMETHING

Scientists explain strange ‘splooting’ behavior happening with squirrels across America: ‘Beyond the typical ability’

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

'MAY HAVE BEEN'

Crater on surface of Mars may have been caused by alien spaceship crash

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "We know for certain it wasn't a flying car.")

AND IN SPORTS

I went to see Inter Miami -- with Lionel Messi -- play the New York Red Bulls in New Jersey Saturday night; there were some major celebrities on hand.

ALWAYS READ THE MANUAL

A married couple desperate for a baby have been told they've been having sex the wrong way for four years - which is why they failed to concieve.

(Thanks to Roberto)

O THE HUMANITY

France to spend €200m on destroying excess wine as demand falls

(Thanks to B&C)

MAKES A GREAT PET

Venomous sea creature with 96 arms can turn itself inside out.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "Amazingly, it wasn't found in Australia.")

WE ASSUME SHE WAS ALSO GOBSMACKED

A woman who believes she saw the silhouette of Elvis Presley in her washing up bowl says she was left "all shook up".

The resemblance is uncanny.

(Thanks to Ralph)