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June 05, 2023


The cars here are very small.

Q.How small are they?

A. You can park inside the restaurant.


On the other hand, the pencils are humongous.


The countryside is teeming with cute old cities like this one, which was built centuries ago and does not contain a single WalMart.


This bridge was built by the Romans. Eventually they went back to Rome, but they left the bridge here because it is extremely heavy.



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Cleverly disguised as an American tourist, Beret Manilow points out some of the more interesting parts of Schmance: Le car, Le pencil, Le bridge. However, we see thru the charade as this same disguise is used by an American homeless person. Getting pretty old seeing this old guy dressed in the same clothes day after day. Oooops, he is homeless and probably only has one outfit.

Nice blue shirt, Dave.

Get out of there. I think they are about to be flanked!

When writer's block strikes, the pencils appear to be even bigger than that, and don't get me started on the erasers.

No Walmart? Wow! So they’re still shopping at K-Mart — avec le spécial lumière bleue?

They probably never mentioned that the Schmench often carry spare cars in their main vehicles instead of spare tires.

Serious question (apologies): Any sort of D-Day commemoration happening thereabouts?

Does the kiddie car take quarters or francs?

They may have left the bridge, but it looks as if they took the water.

So, Dave, did they try to sell you Le bridge? "If not a Le breedge, how about a giant Le pencil, stupido Americano toureest? How about Le Car?" Also, be careful on the beaches there - D-Day does not stand for Dave Day. They might be offended if you try to tell them you have arrived to liberate their country. Also ask the question "Beaches in Omaha?"

Meanie I'd like to know that too.
Schmance is beautiful but about that car. If you drive it into the restaurant, eat, and then find you can't fit inside of it anymore, do they have a skinny waiter drive it back home for you?

@MtB - I was wondering the same thing - Dave, would love to see if you attend a D-Day commemoration.
@Pullet - Somewhere in my memories, there was a Looney Tunes cartoon set in Schmenice (not Schmance) where a boat was going under a bridge and the sign on the bridge said Gina Lollabridgida.

MOTW I remember that one. I think it starred Bugs Bunny.

Hey, Dave, found a great travel tip for cheap summer travel that you might want to check out. There are now regular flights from Florida to California as somebody is flying migrants from Florida into California. Can't say anything about what the arrangements are at this time for return to Florida flights. And I suppose they won't have all those tack-on fees for peanuts and drinks that other airlines hit you with.

Also are you using this trip to Schmance to gather information for a future book - title yet determined? Something like "I Went to Schmance and All I Got Was This Bridge." Or maybe "Jeff Bridges Over Troubled Water, Dude"? Ooops, Le Dude, that is.

So that's what they mean when it says a la carte on the menu?

Too bad you didn't see the most famous car of all, the Citroen 2CV. With it's bulbous headlight, and if painted green, kinda looks like a frog.

I am sure by now Dave is thinking the trip is almost over and soon he will have to go back to work and listen to Walter say, "Whadyabringme, whadyabringme? and then judi say, "Whadyabringme, whadyabringme?"

Dave, a piece of advice - while there do not mention the words 'pension reform', 'retirement', or 'elderly'. Stick to words you are well versed at using like boogers, pythons, or Canadian feral pigs. With the protest fever in Schmance, we would not want to have to pay a huge ransom to get you out of Schmance. Or even worse, these people have a long history of beheadings to set examples to the world, and what you see on the news these people are pretty serious about all this. I'm just saying.

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