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June 05, 2023


In Schmance, when people need to say that the plumbing is working properly, the phrase they use translates to English as "All the water is marching." We think this is a wonderful expression that we should adopt in America to just generally indicate that things are OK, as in this example:

Q. How are you today?

A. All the water is marching!


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A sad corollary might be, "The tadpoles are swimming upstream, but in a losing battle."

A little known historical fact here. One of my several greats grandfathers was a pilot for Napoleon during his fateful invasion of Russia. Loses were so severe he ended up as Nappy's speech writer by the end of the campaign. Trying to put a good spin on the fact the the invasion plan had pretty much gone down the toilet he coined the phrase "the water is marching" to describe Nappy's progress against the Tsar.

Just to be clear, how would you adopt this phrase in response to such questions as, when in Florida, say, "Are the gators clutching small pets?" or "Are the motorists and their vehicles remaining on the ground away from swimming pools?", or, when in Australia, "Have the giant venomous snakes emerged from the toilets?". In such cases, would the response "All the water is marching" indicate normalcy as typically viewed by sane, rational people (i.e., no, yes, and no respectively), or normalcy as viewed through the lens of people who frequent this blog (i.e., yes, no and yes, respectively)?

Here in the Schmunited Shtates, "if "all the water is marching" you'd better hope the plumbing is working, IYKWIM.

"when people need to say that the plumbing is working properly"
Is that a frequent subject ?

I love a rousing tune by John Philip Sewers.

So when calling the hotel front desk regarding a stopped-up louvre, I assume, "The water, she is not marching" would be the correct usage?

@AmoebaStampede - bravo
@ripleysparrow - "The water, she is not marching because she surrendered."

The Schmench aren't embarrassed at all to inquire about schmissing.



Had a friend who said that there is no such thing as a used car in Schmance. Would that be described as the car she is not going?

I answered my own question: When Le car goes the word es: Es-car-go. And when Le car does not run, it es: Es-car-no-go.

So in Schmance when somebody swears do they say "Pardone my Schmench? Or do they say "Pardone by Englesh"?

Translate this Schmance people.

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Okay, let's give it to 'em, right now!

Maybe D1sneyland Schmaris has a translation for "All the water is marching"?

The closest phrase to that in the English language is "the situation is still fluid but we're entering a downward spiral".

this was a song:
original Portuguese:

Yet another convincing linguistic argument against low flow toilets.

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