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June 04, 2023


Here we are climbing the famous Eiffel Tower, which is named for the man who invented it, Gustave Tower. It is 18,427.5 hectameters high and is made entirely out of old rocks. In this photo I am catching my breath midway through the ascent, which is approximately nine steps. The view from here is spectacular. You can see all the way back to the ground.



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I'm pretty sure that's the Rue Morgue. There were some famous murders there.

Careful Dave, or they will be renaming it the "I Fell
Tower". Nest time use the escalator.

I'm pretty sure that's Big Ben, or you sure you're not in Schlondon?

I believe this is actually the Église du Grand Bois. The tour guide is messing with you.

You’ll be happy to know that Fabiano Caruana just won an important chess match using the Schmench defense. I’m sure he was inspired by your trip there.

Amazing ascent without a sherpa! Name another Pulitzer guy this brave!

Whatever you do, DON'T JUMP! We've dialed 911, the FD is responding with a ladder truck, as soon as they rescue the five cats ahead of you in the cue.


Someone is jiving you. That isn't the Eiffel Tower. This is the Eiffel Tower:


I once visited the Schmeiffel Tower. So many of these towers look the same to me.

Dave's in luck, he's right near the Leaning Tower of Schmisa (name disguised to protect the humor-impaired).

Come on, Dave. That is the Washington or Lincoln or Jefferson Memorial/Monument/Roundabout, surely.

You can't fool us historically minded readers.

I hope you enjoyed your traditional Shmench bagel for breakfast.

All those frequent flyer miles from the book tour of 'Histoire De Marais' = a free ticket to Schmantz.

Don't fall into the bakery beneath you.

You know what the French say...

A baguette in the butt would be a pain in the ass!

A song for Mrs. Blog...

@Jeff - I went to the Washington Memorial and I was disappointed. It does not look like Washington at all.

Watch out for that first step. It's a doozy!

I think hectares has something to do with barometric air pressure. (Barometric is the term used in metric system countries; in the US the term is barofeet.) I think the correct term is MegaHertzes. It is also used to measure pain: "the bully punched me and I suffered a MegaHertz.)

@Peter - Footinko?

@Steverino: I'm pretty sure that link is to pics of SpaceX's moon rocket "Starship", not that Schmench tower.

Nice work for only having been gone for a few days! How soon before you finish the stone work?

Having once been to Schmaris, I can confidently recommend catching one of those flying buttresses for a trip over to the Cathedral of Notre Dame University. The gargoyles are in full bloom this time of year, but don't get too close, as they tend to bite Americains. While touring the sacred interior of the cathedral, be sure to stop and admire the exquisite Rose's stained glass window depicting scenes of historic Schmench surrenders, guillotinings, and strikes. Finally, don't forget to exit through the gift shop.

Well, I guess that's proof Dave's not in the US anymore, because that would have been covered in vinyl siding years ago.

NoName: here’s a hint - nearby there’s a deep hole in the ground in honor of Martha Washington.

That is not the Eiffel Tower, the Eiffel Tower is in Las Vegas! I saw it there!

Looks like an outtake from " Vertigo ".

Dave - thanks for wearing the same clothes that you appeared in in all those photos and videos of you on your recent book tour. Maybe would be difficult to pick you out from all the locals without your distinctive (same) coloration. "This is the way a world-famous humorist hides in plain site." So do you put your heavy suitcase on top of your old travel garb to compression clean them? So have you peed in the streets and said "Oui, oui, oui, all the way back to my hotel?"

Dave is on the stairway to Gilligan's Island...

Post some shots from the beach. The beaches are great there in Phuket. Try the Pad Thai with a fresh baguette. It's served by a lot of the street vendors around Phuket. It's hard to do, but ignore the homeless "begpackers'. The streets are filled with these parissites. They're everywhere.

A wee question, Dave? If you are out in public, on the street, and you have to pee/wee, do you ask for directions to a lavatory/
restroom/etc. by saying "Oui, oui?"- with your voice trailing up to show you are asking a question? Or are there some international or Schmance hand signals that are understood to let another person know that you have to wee?

Oh, Dave, another thought - don't forget the first rule of international travel - look behind you before you flush. Don't know if anybody in Schmance will respond to an American waving his/her arms waving travelers checks asking for assistance - the Bidet divers only work for cash and that likely would be francs only. Perhaps if you threw the francs into the toilette they might consider going after the cash and the phone. Just saying.

When abroad learn three basic questions in the local language:
1. How much is this?
2. Which way to the train station?
3. Is she really your sister?

I climbed the 275 steps of York Shminster in 2001 and still have not caught my breath.

From that last photo included I would say Watch that first/last step into les toilette. You know it is legal in Schmance to pee in the street cause one of those Uro-nations.

Dave - words of wisdom for you while in Schmance - watch out for the signs in the Public Toilettes that say:

"Touristes, ne mangez pas les grosses menthes blanches dans les urinoirs."

That translates into English as: "Tourists, please do not eat the large white mints in the urinals."

Suggest you have some fun in your photo poses, such as:

Have your photo taken with your head in a guillotine and celebrate Bastille Day and a toast to Marie Antoinette by having your photo taken with your shirt pulled up over your head to connote "I have not had a thought about the little folks back at DBBlog 'Headquarters'. A bit of a joke there as the Supremo of DBBlog has no head to quarter.

How about a photo of you with your hand stuck in your shirt and standing in front of the tomb of Napoleon?

How about a shot of you walking up on a beach toward land and declare you are re-recapturing the land for the Allies in a D-Day (Dave-Day) reenactment? Your question is "Beaches in Omaha?"

BTW - judi says the parents of the young girls that usually hang around the DBBlog building are calling wondering where there daughters are???? - you didn't take any of them with you on your trip to Schmance did you? I means it is not about London or Schmance or something to do with underpants is it?

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