Dave Barry's Blog

THAT'S WHAT WE CALL 'A LOT OF MIDGES'

Piles of dead midges, nearly a foot deep, found at remote Michigan lighthouse

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

ALAN ARKIN

One of the funniest actors ever. R.I.P. So many great roles, but one of our favorites was as the Russian submarine captain in the classic The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

(Correction, thanks to commenter Don W: Arkin didn't play the captain; that was Theodore Bikel. Arkin played the political officer.)

GET BACK TO US WHEN YOU FIND SPRINKLES

Image captured by Mars rover shows a mysterious ‘doughnut’ on the planet’s surface

(Thanks to The Perts)

ASTEROID-MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of Statue of Liberty about to zip by Earth

(Thanks to EricY)

AND IN SPORTS

"To be perfectly honest, I had to go to the bathroom pretty badly," Fowler said following his first-round 5-under 67.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

CANADA: LAND OF FUN AND FROLIC

"This large crow lies flat on the ground in a manner that resembles roadkill, symbolizing the collision between human and natural works," says the plaque next to the sculpture. "The crow is made from old tires, which refer to the harm caused by our commuter culture as well as the crow's role as a scavenger of urban waste. The artwork invites us to reflect on how we impact our environment and the creatures that inhabit our shared spaces."

(Thanks to Ralph)

Fascinating Art Fact: In a statement to CTV News Ottawa, the NCC says the one-year rental of the piece cost $14,022.

THEY SHOULD HIRE THE PR FIRM THAT WORKS FOR THE SQUIRRELS

'Sharks suffer from a bad reputation': Researchers look at peoples' perceptions of sharks in new study

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

This Is Exactly the Kind of Thing We're Talking About: The heat is making squirrels 'sploot' — a goofy act that signals something serious

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

POLL QUESTION FOR THE LADIES:

What do you think about this?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AND IN SPORTS

A French firefighter earned a Guinness World Record for running a distance of 893 feet after being set on fire.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

EVERYBODY NEEDS A BREAK

Teacher who skipped class for 20 years finally sacked and 'found on the beach'

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE SAW HEROIC PIG OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

Standoff Between Heroic Pig and Bear Caught on Camera in Wild Video

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

THIS DESERVES AT LEAST THREE NOBEL PRIZES

Whitebeard is a digital contraption that only sounds human. He is the creation of Roger Anderson, a real-life 54-year-old in Monrovia, Calif., who employs chatbots and AI to frustrate and waste the time of telemarketers and scammers.

(Thanks to Roberto)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Vomit worth $250K discovered inside whale’s colon

(Thanks to Michael Parry, who says "Always the last place you look.")

ARE THERE MATCHING SHOES?

Handbag ‘smaller than a grain of salt’ sells for over $63,000

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

ANY DAY NOW!

Real-life Back to the Future? $300,000 flying car that drives on roads and takes off to avoid traffic jams like the 1980s film's DeLorean gets FAA approval

(Thanks to Emily Leslie and w)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

A young man was so fed up of never finding a seat on his commute home he decided to invent a one-seater sofa he could travel around with on his back, and use whenever needed

(Thanks to The Perts)

SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT

The Human Chronome Project finds that the average human sleeps for 9 hours but only works for 2.6 hours.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

IT WAS THE ONLY SENSIBLE COURSE OF ACTION

Woman throws Molotov cocktail into bank after waiting in line ‘too long’

(Thanks to Chuck)

FINE, BUT THEY WILL RETALIATE

Santa Cruz filling in squirrel holes on San Lorenzo River levee with concrete

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen)

NO, IT DOESN'T

Where should ketchup be stored? Heinz finally settles heated debate

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

NOT CREEPY AT ALL!

Woman sells real-life piggy banks made out of taxidermy piglets

(Thanks to Ralph)

TASTES GREAT WITH COLACHUP

"Godzilla Ramen": Taiwanese Restaurant's Bizarre Dish Shocks Internet

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE' DOES NOTHING

'Colachup,' a Pepsi-infused ketchup, will be available at Detroit Tigers' Comerica Park

(Thanks to wanderer2575)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

Commuters were left gobsmacked after a man started tucking into a three-course meal on a train

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THERE'S TV ON PLUTO?

24-Hour Godzilla Channel Coming to Pluto TV With Exclusive Films

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CSI: OHIO

Hair popping out of trunk prompts 911 call.

(Thanks to MOTW)

ASTEROID MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

An asteroid larger than ten buses aligned end to end is currently on an interstellar journey, with Earth being its next point of interest.

(Thanks to The Fourth George)

'WAITER, I ASKED FOR RARE, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS'

Escaped bull runs into steakhouse in Pakistan

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

YouTuber Creates 8-Foot Fully Functional iPhone

(Thanks to Ralph)

OF COURSE YOU HAVE

Have you been pooping wrong your whole life?

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

THEY SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Minnesota Man Jailed Following Skittles Assault

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Michael Parry)

WE'RE ON OUR WAY

Everyone in South Korea Is About to Get One or Two Years Younger

(Thanks to Steve K.)

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

A Florida man will not face charges after emptying the magazine of his AR-15 in his backyard at his pool cleaner who he thought was a man trying to break into his home, a sheriff said.

Markspersonship: Almost a minute after the cleaner ran from the pool deck, as seen on video footage shared by the sheriff’s office, the man emptied the magazine of his rifle into the backyard, shooting a total of 30 rounds in about 90 seconds. “Only the first two rounds were fired when (the cleaner) was on the pool deck,” the sheriff said, “the remaining rounds, he was actually gone.”

(Thanks to Robert Moats and EricY)

DUDE, IT'S RAINING METH

A panicked pilot dumped an illegal cargo of drugs after a fighter jet was scrambled to shadow his light plane when he inadvertently flew over a nuclear power plant, according to reports.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

THE DOWNSIDE: IT'S ONLY 14 INCHES TALL

Barbie's extremely pink 'DreamHouse' listed for overnight stays

(Thanks to John lobert)

HALLELUJAH

'Free Nipples' activists in Spain are celebrating after public swimming pools were ordered to allow women to go topless.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, who says "a protest I can get in front of.")

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

At last, marshmallows from a spray can

(Thanks to Chuck, who says "We were promised flying cars and jetpacks, but maybe it’s time to settle.")

WHAT'S THAT SMELL? II

Central Valley Man Sentenced to over 6 Years in Prison for $9 Million Cow Manure Ponzi Scheme

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Several people on TikTok say that using Ozempic has left them with saggy butts.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

NEXT STOP: ANARCHY

Oregon ends its 72-year ban on pumping your own gasoline

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THEY DELIVER, DUDE

Fake Los Angeles pizza shop turns out to be an illegal drug extraction lab, officers say

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Diaper dumper dropping loads around New Jersey town

(Thanks to EricY)

WE'VE NOTICED WE'RE LEANING MORE

Humans pump so much groundwater that Earth’s axis has shifted, study finds

(Thanks to The Perts)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

Pink gobsmacked as a fan throws their mother’s ashes onto stage mid performance

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THEY SHOULD KEEP SOME LIONS AROUND FOR THIS KIND OF SITUATION

Tourist filmed carving his girlfriend’s name into Rome’s Colosseum

(Thanks to GJ)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

A man at an Illinois nonprofit was greeted by a macabre and occult-like scene when he arrived at work two weeks ago: finding a bunch of sage burning and three severed heads placed atop his desk.

(Thanks to Seymour Singer and Suzie Q Wacvet who SENT THIS IS IN A WEEK AGO!!!!!)

AND IN SPORTS

Hyena swims backstroke

(Thanks to Ralph)

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE DAY SO FAR

Dead octopus found hanging out of toilet at Columbus park

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD GIRL

A dog has retrieved 155 discs from woods. They’ll be on sale soon.

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "Send her to work for the IRS.")

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Irish town gathers over 1,100 Dolly Parton impersonators for record attempt

(Thanks to John Lobert and MOTW)