Dave Barry's Blog

THE ALLIGATOR WAS RELEASED AFTER IT PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Robot chases alligator through Florida pipe

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Michael Parry)

BOLO

A peeping goat is on the loose in Chatham Township, N.J.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

FINALLY, SOME POSITIVE NEWS FROM AUSTRALIA

Did You Know There’s an Annual Duck Fashion Show In Sydney?

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "The only animal there that isn’t poisonous.")

THE WORD IS 'HEROES'

Herd of cows assist police in locating suspect who hoofed it to remote area

(Thanks to MOTW, Nelson from Michigan and The Pers)

THE NEWS FROM ENGLAND

Fox poops in bloke's half-drunk pint outside pub

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Foxes are basically large squirrels.

Squirrel-related item here.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

CLARIFICATION

Viral coronation song: No, the choir did not sing ‘I love vagina, Camilla’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

22 Snakes & 1 Chameleon Found in Woman's Luggage at India Airport

(Thanks to Steve K.)

STRUMPDATE

Many thanks to the folks who came to see me in Santa Monica last night. To continue my relentless barrage of self-promotion, here's an interview I did with Book Reporter. And now I'm on my way back to Miami to rest for the weekend and sanitize my suitcase with a blowtorch.

PAGING MONTY PYTHON

Dangerous rabbit has bitten at least 2 Iowa residents

(Thanks to Ralph and EricY)

Update: Fierce bunny removed from neighborhood after lunging at residents

(Thanks to Ron T)

O THE HUMANITY

Tornadic storm in Clay County rips top off coconut cream pie

(Thanks to Ralph)

FROM THE ANNALS OF MEDICINE:

Bo Jackson says he ‘smelled the ass of a porcupine’ to try to cure his yearlong hiccup hell

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THEY MUST BE REALLY BORED

Aliens may be listening in on our cellphone calls, new research finds

(Thanks to B&C)

WHICH IS WHY SO MANY OF THEM HAVE B.O.

Mosquitoes Have Mixed Feelings About Soap, Study Finds

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

BOLO

Mukilteo police seek suspect in case of stolen toilet go-kart

(Thanks to PapaJohn and B'game, who notes that "police have nothing to go on.")

IMAGINE WORKING FOR AAA IN AUSTRALIAAA

'Big python' removed from wheel well of car in Queensland parking lot

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'HELLO, FARMERS?'

Family stunned by possible meteorite crashing through roof

(Thanks to EricY and Steve Bradford, who says "I would be at least gobsmacked.")

Update With New Meteorite Measurement Unit: Pork roll sandwich-sized meteorite that smashed into New Jersey home could've come from a comet more than 3BILLION miles from Earth

(Thanks to Emile, Leslie and w)

CSI: ENID

Oklahoma police mistake screaming goat for distressed person

(Thanks to B&C and Jane Linderman)

'CANDYGRAM'

Bear rings doorbell at West Virginia home

(Thanks to Ralph)

STRUMPDATE

Great crowd last night at Town Hall Seattle; many thanks to all who came out. Tonight at 8 I'll be in Santa Monica with my good friend Paul Levine for LiveTalks LA, the brainchild of Ted Habte-Gabr, who also manages the Rock Bottom Remainders and is insane, but in a good way. If you're in the LA area I hope you can join us. I promise there will be no singing.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Cars caught in sewer truck spill on I-76 in Adams County

(Thanks to Ralph)

DO YOU LIKE ITALIAN FOOD?

Do not click here.

Key Term: "Influencer."

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Roberto)

STRUMPDATE

Thanks to all the nice folks who came out in Palm Springs last night and listened to me after my generous hosts gave me several large glasses of wine so God knows what I said. Tonight at 7:30 I'll be at Town Hall Seattle, whose website says: "This Event is FREE for Youth!" Apparently they're not concerned about corrupting Youth. But whatever age you are, I hope you can attend, because you have always been my personal favorite.

SOUNDS PAINFUL

Noisy cock who lives near Ed Sheeran is given an Asbo

(Thanks to John Lobert)

‘I DID NOT EXPECT THE GENDARMES. ESPECIALLY NOT FOR FROGS!’

France on High Alert

(Thanks to Ralph)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Plague of poisonous dart-throwing insects set to swarm UK over the summer

Invasive, toxic worms are back in Texas

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IS THERE A NOBEL PRIZE FOR MUSIC?

Man Builds And Plays A Gas Powered Guitar

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BUT OF COURSE

Driver fleeing police at 100 mph slams into Florida church, dash cam video shows

(Thanks to EricY)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

'We Were Gobsmacked': Giant Study Reveals Why Moss Is Vital For The Planet

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

GO GRANNY, GO

New Orleans woman with walker tried to rob bank on North Broad Street, feds say

(Thanks to EricY)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR MANFRED MANN

FDA: PEOPLE CAN EAT THESE GENE-EDITED PIGS

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

The driver was dressed like a can of Bud Light.

(Thanks to Robert Moats and Jane Linderman)

FIXER-UPPER

'Snakes might come out of the toilets': Colorado family in fear due to infestation in new home

(Thanks to Steve K. and Robert Moats)

THEY NEED TO DO THIS WITH GOLF

Players forced to run for cover as raging bull creates havoc at a rugby league match in France

(Thanks to B&C)

STRUMPDATE

Thanks to the Poisoned Pen in Scottsdale for a lovely event last night. Tonight at 7:30 I'll be talking about Swamp Story and the world in general in Palm Springs. Come on out, Palm Springs! My laundry is still reasonably clean!

Photo By Bob Stender

NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT THEM

Woman survives five days on just wine and lollipops while stuck in Australian bush

(Thanks to B&C and MOTW)

SEND THIS TOWN TO WASHINGTON

Town punishes its politicians by putting them in a cage in a river

(Thanks to Dr. Freeman) 

WE GEEZERS REMEMBER ‘X-RAY SPECS’

Chennai: Businessman, 3 Others Held for Selling Fake Glasses that 'Show People Naked'

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ONLY ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THEM

Deep-sea cannibal fish wash up along Oregon shoreline, baffling scientists

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

OOPS

What the thieves didn’t realize was that all the shoeboxes they stole only contained sneakers for the right foot

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE KNOW WHERE HE WAS HEADED

Man driving jet ski on highway gets pulled over by Alabama cops

(Thanks to MOTW)

WE THOUGHT KANSAS WAS IN AMERICA

Don’t fish with a gun in Kansas, game wardens say

(Thanks to Ralph)

APPARENTLY IT HAS GOTTEN MORE POTENT SINCE THIS BLOG WAS A YOUTH

Prankster sent students to hospital, shut down school after using fart spray

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

OTHER THAN THAT, AN UNEVENTFUL TRIP

Airport blunder leads to Frontier Airlines passenger being flown to a foreign country 900 miles away with no passport

(Thanks to EricY)

IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE REMEMBERED FOR ONE COMEDY BIT…

…this is a pretty good one. RIP, Bill Saluga.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THE MYSTERIOUS MIDDLE EAST

Americans caught smuggling 375 pounds of Fruit Roll-Ups into Israel. TikTok is blamed

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT LEFT AFTER ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE

Watch a Moose Walk into an Alaskan Movie Theater, Eat Popcorn, and Leave

(Thanks to Perth Jim)

CANADA CONTINUES ITS TERRIFYING DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO TOTAL ANARCHY

This is what happens when 1,000 tall cans of expired beer are abandoned in Vancouver

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

A NEW LEVEL OF SERVICE

Man woke up to hotel worker 'sucking on his toes' at end of the bed

(Thanks to Jane Linderman, Barry Nester and Matt Filar)

MEN WHO MAY BE MESSING AROUND WITH ANOTHER MAN'S WOMAN:

Beware.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

STRUMPDATE

Terrific event Saturday at Books and Books in Coral Gables; many thanks to the hometown crowd for packing the room despite the fact that the Heat were playing the Knicks at the same time. Speaking of heat: I'm on the way to Arizona, where tonight at 7 I'll be at the legendary Poisoned Pen bookstore in Scottsdale.