Dave Barry's Blog

SOUTH FLORDA NATURE UPDATE

Love is all around.

FYI

I’m a urologist — men have been peeing the wrong way

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

CONNECTICUT TACKLES THE ISSUES

Connecticut lawmakers have voted to exonerate 12 people more than 370 years after they were convicted of witchcraft in colonial America.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

FATHER’S DAY IS COMING

Always wanted a lighthouse? US is giving some away, selling others at auction

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

HE DROPPED IT WHILE TAKING A SELFIE

India official drains entire dam to retrieve phone

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

(He did not, in fact, drain the dam; he drained the reservoir.)

CRY US A RIVER

Male Arctic ground squirrels go through puberty every year. As if that wasn’t hard enough, now the females have a problem, too.

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO POOP YOUR DRAWERS

Terrifying moments as plane door opens midair on Asiana Airlines flight

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and EricY)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Drivers can change lanes using just their eyes in new BMW 5-series sedan

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

O THE HUMANITY, DUDES

Infectious Pathogen Silently Spreads To Over 90% Of California's Cannabis Farms, Destroying THC Production

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IT WAS THE ONLY OPTION

Man steals backhoe for 10-mile drive to Illinois airport to catch flight

(Thanks to Ralph)

'SITZPINKLER'

_{Why German men urinate sitting down}

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THAT'S A LOT OF SALAD

Woman accused of breaking into restaurant to make salad, ruining $500 worth of food items

(Thanks to EricY)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

A researcher used her baby's used diapers to build a greener home

(Thanks to many people)

BUT YOU HAVE TO ASSEMBLE YOUR TABLE AND CHAIRS

IKEA's All-You-Can-Eat Midsummer Buffet Returns This Summer

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

WHO KNOWS WHAT THE OTHER SQUIRRELS WERE UP TO WHILE THE FIREFIGHTERS WERE DISTRACTED

Pet squirrel rescued from tree in Ohio

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

Georgia reminds digital driver's license users to wear clothes for photos

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL

World's largest T-shirt unfurled in Romania

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS IS WHY WE MUST LOWER THE ELEVATOR BUTTONS

Seal wanders into California hotel, climbs stairs

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO TAKE YOUR MATCHES AND GO

The song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” was blasting from inside a Minnesota building that was set ablaze by the landlord

(Thanks to Perth Jim)

$35,000 IS NOT ENOUGH FOR THIS OUTRAGE

An Albany mother claims she was left “angry” and “betrayed” when the apple pie she thought she was buying from a local ShopRite turned out to be a cherry pie, leading her daughter to get sick when she ate a piece of it, according to a lawsuit filed Tuesday in Albany County Supreme Court.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg, who says "Hard to imagine the pain.")

AND YOU MISSED IT

Almost 1,500 Kyles travel to Kyle for world’s biggest gathering of Kyles

(Thanks to EricY)

HIS T-SHIRT SAYS 'I AM COMPOST'

Dutch Inventor Creates Mushroom Coffin

(Thanks to EricY)

PLEASE HELP YOURSELF

Avon Bakery Employee Encounters Bear Stealing 60 Cupcakes

(Thanks to Ann Farr)

IT'S A TRICK

Squirrel pays a visit to Yankees Stadium during Orioles game

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Woman in pink dress steals $120,000 tractor, Florida cops say. And then it got weird

(Thanks to Robert Moats and Ralph)

JUST NOODLES FOR US, THANKS

Taipei restaurant introduces ramen dish topped with giant isopod

(Thanks to Roberto)

'ERECTED' HEH HEH

Giant gold genitals erected at Buddhist temple to honor ‘origin of life’

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THE VERY DEFINITION OF NEWS

Poisonous Cobra Dies After Being Bitten by 8-Year-Old Boy

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

AND IN SPORTS

Third annual worm charming championships sees winners wiggle to victory

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Video here.

(Thanks to Ralph)

1. THEY'RE NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. 2. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT 'THEIR OWN SAFETY.'

Things will be getting a little squirrely at Unitil this week as the utility company launches its 2nd Annual “Squirrel Week” social media campaign to bring attention to the danger these furry friends pose to electric infrastructure and their own safety.

(Thanks to Annette)

UM, IT'S A TURTLE

Huge prehistoric-looking creature spotted in California lake. Take a look — if you dare

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

Kentucky man, 64, shoots his roommate in the buttocks after he ate the last Hot Pocket in the freezer

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and Barry Nester)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Florida man charged with aggravated DWI after being clocked at 171 mph on motorcycle in NH

(Thanks to Gregory Dunn)

IF THEY DO, THEY BLAME IT ON DOGS

Do Cats Fart?

(Thanks to MOTW)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO BACK TO THE FUTURE

A 37-year-old man claiming to be a time traveler was arrested after he told Ocala police that he threw a brick through a home window to save the occupants from a future event.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE WILD MIDWEST

Steer on the run for weeks lassoed, captured on Detroit-area freeway

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW GROINS OF FIRE OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

‘Uncommon’ creature — with ‘groins of fire’ — discovered as new species in Peru

(Thanks to MOTW)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Jude Law wore perfume that smelled like 'blood, fecal matter, and sweat' to play Henry VIII in a new movie

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

BOLO

A 30-ton shipment of explosive chemicals traveling from Wyoming to California by rail disappeared en route, officials say

(Thanks to MOTW and Robert Moats)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Maryland guardian arrives in stolen vehicle to take custody of teens arrested for auto theft, police say

(Thanks to MOTW)

DUDES

Seagulls ‘high on spice’ after making off with stashes of drugs

(Thanks to Ralph)

NEXT CHALLENGE: PUBERTY

12-year-old to be youngest to graduate from Fullerton College with five degrees

(Thanks to klezmerphan, who says "Just in case you weren't feeling inadequate enough.")

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

I’m Joe, Web marketing consultant of a Digital Marketing Agency. I feel your website needs attention in terms of rectifying moderate to significant errors apart from certain essential elements to update.

Would you prefer to take a quick look at all the errors of your website?

AND IN GOLF

Jordan Spieth dumps opening PGA shot into toilets, swears, internet melts

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

We apologize for all the toilets on the blog this morning. But we have a professional responsibility to report the news as it happens.

AN IGUANA WAS WEARING IT

Woman gets wedding ring back 13 years after flushing it down toilet

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THEIR NATURAL HABITAT

Iguana found inside Florida home’s toilet

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

BUT IT COMES WITH FRIES

A Philadelphia restaurant that opened on Friday is serving hamburgers with a $700 price tag.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Update: For dessert, how about some ice cream?

(Thanks to B&C)

OF COURSE BY THE TIME THIS HAPPENS WE'LL ALL HAVE FLYING CARS

Inside incredible triple decker FLYING HOTEL airliner that could carry 800 passengers & is bigger than a Boeing 747

Sure They Would: Cruise passengers would also be hoped to have access to onboard facilities such as a restaurant, a spa, a cinema, shops and a casino.

"Be hoped to."

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Seattle named dog poop capital of the US

(Thanks to Ralph)

BAFFLED, HELL: WE'RE GOBSMACKED

People baffled after spotting 'Nike shoes' in 400-year-old painting

(Thanks to Ralph)