Dave Barry's Blog

THIS IS NOT GOOD

Scientists identify two new species of a big, strange flying squirrel

(Thanks to The Perts)

CANADA: A NATION IN CRISIS

Alberta woman desperately trying to get rid of 133,000 Rum & Butter chocolate bars

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

North Fort Myers man calls 9-1-1 while being detained by deputies

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

‘IT IS CUT DIAGONALLY’

A world record-winning restaurant in New York City is rolling out its famous "world's most expensive sandwich" — a decadent grilled cheese that costs a whopping $214 — for a limited time in honor of National Grilled Cheese Day

(Thanks to nursecindy)

AND IN PHILADELPHIA SPORTS

Phillies fans toss garbage at each other as $1 hot dog night goes off the rails

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Deadly Snake Caught Hiding in Woman's Bed

(Thanks to ubetcha)

WITH TOM BRADY'S NAME ON IT

Archaeologists discover 1,000-year-old Mayan scoreboard in Mexico

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WE THINK WE'RE IN LOVE

Texas mom leaps into action to remove snake from daughter's car: 'Don't try this at home'

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Annette)

RAW BATS ARE OK

German officials seize cooked bats near Belgian border

(Thanks to The Perts)

THAT'S HER, ALL RIGHT

Holidaymaker thinks he’s spotted Nessie emerging from Loch Ness

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "And he’s not even a professional.")

CHECK OUT THE NATURE, DUDES

Hikers high on magic mushrooms rescued in Lake District

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THANK GOD FOR INSTITUTES

Cow urine not fit for human consumption, says top animal research institute

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD ENOUGH FOR FLORIDA

82-year-old Japanese man arrested for driving without license, says he had one 60 years ago

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

You’re flushing the toilet wrong

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

CHECK UNDER THE BED

Be on the Lookout for Rodents of Unusual Size With Orange Teeth

(Thanks to Annette)

ONE OF THE GREATS

Al Jaffee, record-breaking Mad Magazine cartoonist, dies age 102

(Thanks to The Perts and Doug in Sacramento)

AS IF GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE WASN'T ENOUGH

Watch out for projectile bird poo: Southwest Florida shorebird nesting season has started

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CANADA: A NATION IN CRISIS

Man who became trapped inside Edmonton public art charged with mischief

Canadian Eyewitness Account: "I like the balls, one of the few people who do, so I came down to have a look. There was a guy inside there," he told CBC News on Monday. "Apparently he climbed up top someplace, found a hole big enough to slither into and slithered down inside. And then he couldn't get out."

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "Trapped by the balls.")

GARY IS STILL MISSING

A giant gorilla statue spotted on motorways across England is not the same one that was stolen from a Lanarkshire garden centre.

(Thanks to Ralph)

UNGRATEFUL LITTLE FURRED BASTARDS

Germany: ‘Uncooperative’ squirrel freed from manhole cover

(Thanks to EricY, John Lobert and B&C)

HAVE ANOTHER SLICE OF PIZZA

Weight loss may mean a risk of death for older adults, study shows

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Tupperware might go out of business.

(Thanks to Steve K)

CLEAR AS DAY

Dad claims to catch 'angel' on Ring doorbell and people say there's 'no mistaking' it

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Four pythons found in pillowcases on side of road by shocked litter picker

Litter-Picker Name We Feel Like We Made Up But We Didn't: Maria Clutterbuck

(Thanks to John Lobert) 

JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT

'SHE WAS VERY STERN WITH OFFICERS'

A 78-year-old woman with two past bank robbery convictions faces new charges after allegedly carrying out a heist in Missouri during which she handed a teller a note that said “I didn’t mean to scare you”.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

BUT WE STILL LEAD THE WORLD IN REALITY TV

American IQ Scores Have Rapidly Dropped

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

'Naked, bloody, and slippery' Florida man covered in grease, peppermint oil arrested after breaking into homes

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

TODAY IN GOBSMACKERY

The Airbnb host was left gobsmacked when a guest asked him if 'something bad' had happened in his home - because he claimed to have spent 10 minutes looking at a ghost

(Thanks to John Lobert)

People left gobsmacked after man reveals hilarious jelly mistake he's made for 20 years

Spoiler Alert: It is not "hilarious."

(Thanks to B&C)

YOU MAY NOW SMEAR MUSTARD ON THE BRIDE

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile is turning into a wedding chapel

(Thanks to Miss Sophie Barry)

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY DID SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THESE HEADSTONE-RELATED ACCIDENTS

Headstone safety inspections to be carried out at a Fife cemetery

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

TOO LATE

Please don't feed the squirrels, unless you want them to move in

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE STORMTROOPERS

Transit police in Boston responded to reports of a person with a long gun at a busy station only to find someone dressed in a Boba Fett costume with a replica weapon.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

POSSIBLY BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE GET MORE NEIGHBORS

Miami the least neighborly city in US, according to new survey

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

China jails man who scared chickens to death

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes, Michael Parry and Ralph)

WE CAN’T WAIT

Could you live forever? Experts claim humans could achieve IMMORTALITY by 2030 - and one futurist even says we'll be able to attend our own FUNERALS in a new body

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

SO MANY PRACTICAL USES!

This insect flings pee from a 'butt catapult.' Now engineers are studying practical uses

(Thanks to B&C)

THEY PLAN TO DO IT AGAIN

Massive waves of squirrels once roamed America. No one knows why.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Bill Hudgins)

HAPPY EASTER

Have a good day, but go easy on the peeps, and beware the bunny.

‘WHY WOULD BIGFOOT BE WEARING A BELT BUCKLE?’

Famous Bigfoot Footage Stabilized Using AI, Making It Pretty Clear What It Is

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says “There will always be doubters.”)

IT BELONGS IN THE MOUTH

Expert settles furious debate over whether chocolate belongs in the cupboard or fridge

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AW

Newfound lonely galaxy is isolated because it ate all its friends

(Thanks to Robert Moats)

WHAT’S GOING ON IS…. AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Wild photo shows snake coming out of frog's bum: 'WHAT'S GOING ON?

(Thanks to Ralph)

WAIT… THE *SNAKE* WAS DEFECATING?

Man Reaches Hospital Claiming Snake Entered His Body While Defecating

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ALWAYS FUN TO MEET NEW PEOPLE

A supposed glitch in the popular “Found My iPhone” app has been directing random strangers to the home of an unsuspecting Texas dad at all hours of the day, falsely accusing him of stealing their electronic devices.

(Thanks to B&C)

DOESN’T THIS DESCRIBE PRETTY MUCH ALL BUSINESS MEETINGS?

Ms. Machado, who held a position as a recruiter, says that after joining the company in September 2021, she spent much of her time in meetings that didn’t accomplish anything

(Thanks to Steve K)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Patented tube for breathing air from behind toilet bend during a fire

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE WANT TO BELIEVE THIS IS JUST A LATE APRIL-FOOLS JOKE

Subway launches Cadbury's Creme Egg sandwich for Easter

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WHAT’S THAT SOUND?

A Swedish man broke a Guinness World Record when he consecutively cracked 46 different joints in his body.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'WHAT'S THE CODE FOR THIS?'

Moose wanders into Providence hospital lobby in Anchorage

(Thanks to Jane Linderman and Ralph)