Dave Barry's Blog

HEDGEHOGS ARE BASICALLY SPHERICAL SQUIRRELS

Flight brought to 'grinding halt' because of a hedgehog on the runway

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BUT MAYBE IT WAS FROM A CHINESE BIRD

Dutch cop monitoring “spy balloon” realizes it’s bird poo on his windshield

(Thanks to Ralph)

LOOKS MORE LIKE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER TO US

UFO ‘expert’ accuses NASA of ‘hiding facts’ after spotting ‘old boot’ on Mars

(Thanks to Zaphod2022)

WE'VE ALL DONE IT

Family raises 250-pound ‘dog’ for 2 years — then realizes it’s a bear

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT II

Time travel scientist claims to have found a way to go back in time after 'eureka' moment

It was staring us in the face all this time:

“It turns out that rotating black holes can create a gravitational field that could lead to loops of time being created that can allow you to go to the past.

"Let's say you have a cup of coffee in front of you right now.

"Start stirring the coffee with the spoon. It started swirling around, right? That's what a rotating black hole does.

He wants to build a ring laser that can create an “intense and continuous rotating beam of light” which would be able to “create gravity”.

One minor problem: Sadly though, he said he’d need “galactic types of energy” and didn’t know how big the time machine would need to be.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BELIEVE YOUR EYES, PEOPLE

Loch Ness monster spotted off English coast

UPDATE: Loch Ness Monster 'spotted' for first time in 2023 with wave that's 'too big for a fish'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Ford patents car that can repossess itself and drive back to showroom

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

AND IN SPORTS

Frisbee Catching Dog Takes A Dump On The Court During Louisville Basketball Halftime Show

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede and John Lobert)

THE RENOWNED SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Renowned scientist says we should drink as many types of red wine as possible

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Giant Jurassic-era insect rediscovered outside Walmart in Arkansas

(Thanks to Mary Smith, Doug Ogg, Al Barkafski, Dave Vander Ark, Roberto and The Fourth George)

ALSO THE TOOTH FAIRY IS PAYING IN BITCOIN

Even the Tooth Fairy isn’t immune to inflation: The value of a single lost tooth is at a record high, with the average gift reaching $6.23, up from $5.36 in 2022.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BUT THE LUGGAGE NEVER ARRIVED

Boeing Engineers Set a New Record for Paper Plane Flight Distance

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Next, they’ll start working on actual planes.")

SLUGS ARE BASICALLY SMALL HAIRLESS SLIMY SQUIRRELS

TRAFFIC lights are being switched off — by slugs.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

CANADA: A NATION IN EVEN WORSE SHAPE THAN WE THOUGHT

Beer and wine sales in Canada fall to all-time low

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, GJ and The Perts)

TAKE THAT, ANT MAN

Sharpshooter insects have a unique ability to fire off droplets of their pee using a little catapult built into their bums — powered with a fancy phenomenon called superpropulsion — according to new research.

(Thanks to wiredog, Ralph, Roberto, Ol' Chumbucket and Emily, Leslie and w, who say "we have never been so jealous.")

IT'S A START

Exmoor Squirrel Project wants grey squirrels culled and on menus

(Thanks to Barry Nester, who says "Better than crickets.")

AS RECOMMENDED BY FLORIDA TOURISM PROFESSIONALS

Ex-Marine is arrested trying to board flight from Newark to Fort Lauderdale with AR-15, handguns, a Taser and fake US Marshalls badge

(Thanks to Barry Nester)