Dave Barry's Blog

THIS DESCRIBES 30 PERCENT OF THE DRIVERS ON THE ROADS OF FLORIDA

Tesla driver found sleeping at the wheel as car reached 70 mph on highway, report says

(Thanks to EricY)

NOT AGAIN

New Year’s Eve fireworks cancelled because of masturbating walrus

(Thanks to Ralph and Emily, Leslie and w)

TOTALLY SELF-DEFENSE

Man arrested in Stafford County after 'unprovoked attack' on Santa Claus inflatable

(Thanks to wiredog, who says "Santa had it coming.")

LIKE, WOOF, DUDE

My dog is getting high on cane toads. Should I be worried?

(Thanks to Ralph)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man opens fire after waiting wife honks horn at him, Colorado sheriff say

(Thanks to EricY)

THIS IS GOING TO ANGER THE SNAKES

Australia is being eaten by termites.

(Thanks to The Perts)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, YOU CAN PROVIDE IMPORTANT SOIL NUTRIENTS

New York approves composting of human bodies

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "What's that smell? Joisey?")

AWW

This wildlife rehabilitator rescued over 1,600 bats during Houston cold snap

(Thanks to B&C)

'THE CAR IS FILLING UP WITH FECES'

Burst sewage pipe destroys $134K Audi on camera

(Thanks to pharmross and Unholy Slacker, who says "It got turned into a Porta-Audi.")

AHEM

Scientists Find That “Class Clowns” Are Actually the Smartest People in Class

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

Pleasantville (NY) High School, class of 1965.