Dave Barry's Blog

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU CRAZY PEOPLE

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

For years, scientists have tried to discover why men are attracted to female breasts.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Off-Duty FDNY Firefighter Urinates in Religious Hut

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who notes that we cannot post this item because of the blog's Strict Policy regarding names)

STAND TALL, DRYER VENT WIZARD

Collected by 95 home dryer vent cleaning franchisees of Dryer Vent Wizard International, the company set the Guinness World Record for largest dryer lint ball collected, with a respectable 690 pound mound. They then had a group of firefighters from Farmington Hills, Michigan burn the ball to demonstrate just how flammable dryer lint is, and raise awareness about its danger

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello,

How are you?

We visited your website.

CSI: CLOVIS

A Clovis man was arrested by New Mexico State Police on Tuesday after he allegedly dropped what appeared to be feces through a mail slot at New Mexico State Police headquarters in Clovis.

(Thanks to Alklali Bill, who says "You've got mail!")

LET'S PUT THEM IN TOUCH WITH SOUTHWEST AIRLINES

If aliens contact humanity, who decides what we do next?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

OOPS

U.K. medical practice mistakenly texts patients they have "aggressive lung cancer" instead of wishing them a merry Christmas

(Thanks to gahick)

MEN: WHEN WE TELL YOU THERE ARE CERTAIN LINKS YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT CLICK ON...

...you need to believe us.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Tasmanian devil found under couch in Hobart home, after being mistaken for dog's plush toy

(Thanks to Janice Gelb, Rich Alpin and Doug in Sacramento)

HE'S BACK

The face of Jesus has appeared again — this time on felled poplar

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THERE IS NOTHING LOWER THAN A RABBIT HOARDER

The Humane Society of Utah says it is seeing an increase in rabbit hoarding in the community this year.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO CRANK IT UP AND GO

Cops: Driver Said He Hit 120 MPH After "A Good Song Came On His Stereo"

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OUCH

Charleston Police help rescue several balls caught in tree

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA WHO DID THIS 'STUDY'

New Study Confirms Women Are Less Sexually Attracted to Their Husbands When They Don't Help Out Around the House

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Have You Ever Experienced Dead Butt Syndrome?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MASSIVE SNAKES IN THE NEWS

Waitress horrified when massive python drops from coffee shop ceiling

'Massive' deadly snake spotted on popular Aussie beach

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE DID NOT COLLECT $200

Alcohol-Fueled Family Game of Monopoly Turns Violent, Gunfire Erupts, Player Ends Up in Jail

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND IN NAUTICAL SPORTS

World’s dumbest fish ocean sunfish knocked the sailing boat Yeah Baby out of the race

(Thanks to Ralph) 

AND IT WAS!

Drunken man poops on PT Cruiser, tells hospital staff his blood will be ‘Pure. Natural. Ice.’

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark and Ralph)

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MARGARITAS WOULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE

John Wayne Airport Offers Emotional Support Animals to Help Frustrated Travelers

(Thanks to man tom)

WOOF

A man with a desire to become a dog has fulfilled his lifelong dream after purchasing a £12,480 human-sized collie costume - but worries his friends will think it's a peculiar habit

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert, who says "He has friends?")

WHAT'S THAT ODOR?

Single men stink more than married ones — and women can smell it: study

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

A North Dakota woman brings a raccoon into a bar. She gets probation.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

DON'T BOGART* IT, DUDES

The Longest Joint In The World: 98.4 Feet, 2.2 Pounds Of Weed And 40 People To Put It Together

(Thanks to Rick Day)

*You youngsters can ask an old-timer to explain this hipster lingo.

IN WHAT APPEARS TO BE SOME AUSTRALIAN'S SHOWER

This is a timelapse video of a huntsman spider molting.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE ARE GOBSMACKED THAT THEY ARE NOT GOBSMACKED

Star Wars fans amazed after spotting 'lightsaber' on Mars in new NASA footage

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND THEY ALL HAVE TINY BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Your face is covered in thousands of living mites closely related to spiders and ticks

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

JUST AS IT DID 2022 YEARS AGO

Christmas package containing frankincense and myrrh prompts bomb squad investigation

(Thanks to Geoff Scott and pharmaross)

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SENSIBLE... WAIT, WHAT?

People in the Belgian town of Balen noticed more young people getting drunk, so they invented the "sobercoin". It encourages people to arrive at parties sober - by rewarding them with free drinks.

(Thanks to Steve Bradford)

WITHOUT STUDIES WE WOULD KNOW NOTHING

All around the world, women are better empathizers than men, study finds

(Thanks to GJ)

Half of all Americans (51%) hide out in their bathroom when they want some much-needed peace and quiet, a recent survey of 2,000 respondents says.

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, MICHELANGELO

World's Biggest Santa Claus Of Tomato With Sand Created By Renowned Sand Artist In Odisha

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'I THINK THIS WAS A FIRST FOR ME AND I'VE BEEN IN LAW ENFORCEMENT OVER 25 YEARS'

Florida man busted after trying to pick up Christmas card filled with cocaine and fentanyl at police station

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A GIANT LEAP

South Korea lifts ban on imported sex dolls

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

It was a holiday behind bars for a man who allegedly struck his girlfriend in the head with an “angel figurine” during a Christmas morning confrontation in the couple’s Florida residence, police report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AMEN, DUDETTES

Sisters of the Valley: The 'weed nuns' trying to heal the world through cannabis

(Thanks to EricY)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

1:55 a.m. A man accidentally drove his truck into his apartment building.

It must have been between him and Florida.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TEXAS WEATHER OUTLOOK:

Chilly with a chance of falling bats.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE 'FORGOT.' SURE.

Driver forgets wife during pee stop, forces her to walk 12.5 miles for help

(Thanks to Jane Linderman, Noah Spicker and Not My Usual Alias)

THE WEIRD THING IS, THE CHILD WAS IN NORTHERN ILLINOIS AT THE TIME

Child’s tongue gets stuck on pole in southern Illinois

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

State health agency recommends Nebraskans temporarily avoid eating alfalfa sprouts

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says "Any chance they could make it permanent?")

AMAZON ALSO DELIVERS THEM

A Ring doorbell camera in Alaska has captured the exact moment a moose shed its antlers, gifting the homeowners a rare and special holiday surprise.

(Thanks to B&C)

AND IN SPORTS

You don't want to know.

(Thanks to Jim Perth)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Finally proven: beer makes you better in bed!

(Thanks to Ron Wylie)

WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN IT?

Tokyo’s Shibuya Ward announced Friday that two public restrooms in the ward, known as “see-through toilets,” in which the glass walls of the restrooms become opaque when in use, had a problem that allowed people to see inside while in use.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A FAIRYTALE AFFAIR

Wedding descends into massive brawl, leaving 1 stabbed

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT

'Drunk' Santas in a tank cause chaos after getting stuck on narrow village road

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, Janice Gelb, pharmaross and Jan in Grimsby)

WE HATE TO BE THE COAL IN ANYBODY'S STOCKING, BUT...

...here's the Year in Review.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BLOGSTERS, AND DON'T FORGET:

SORRY, SIR, YOU'RE A LITTLE SHORT

When he was asked to pay by the shop worker, Willis dropped his shorts and underpants to his ankles, exposed his penis and said: “Can I pay with this?”

(Thanks to pharmaross)